We are in a long distance relationship. Both in our mid twenties with a marriage commitment. It's my first relationship, not hers. I have been raised in a conservative environment but I am very open minded. Academically and career wise I have achieved everything a middle class boy in India in his twenties can think to achieve. I never thought of getting into a relationship. I am very honest in my personal life. I don't lie. I keep my word. I would never cheat on my partner. I had marriage proposals before but I refused as I thought marriage would not be possible.
She is beautiful and intelligent. Perfect for me except for her past. Her first relationship did not work out because of caste differences. Both of them knew that they did not have a future so they did not even try to persuade their parents. They simply moved on. After that one more guy came into her life for arranged marriage scenario. But it did not fructify. She said she has not been involved sexually with any man. But I am not interested to know her sexual past. I have made my peace with that fact.
So here is the problem. I feel extremely jealous of her first bf. I know I am much better than him in everything education, salary etc, probably lookwise too. I am taller than him. I have persuaded myself not to bring him up in the conversation. But he keeps coming. I could feel extreme happiness in my gf's voice when she talks about him. She praises him a lot. She defends him for his mistakes. And I cannot describe my feeling. There is nothing worse than your gf praising her ex. When I imagine them together, it feels like someone has stabbed me from back. Internally I crave that she tells me that I am better than him. But she does not understand. She keeps on praising him. And it hurts very badly. I am very rational and competitive but I don't understand why I hate him so much.
There is no sex in our relationship. She asked me to wait for marriage and I agreed. I have explicitly communicated my issues to her. She is even changing her behavior. But it keeps coming again and again and wastes my day. I can't focus on anything. Probably I overthink but I am made that way.
How do I change myself for this situation? I don't want a break up. I actually love her and she loves me too.
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