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Why am I insecure about my live-in gilfriend?

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asked May 14, 2014 in Questions by praveenrao (120 points)
edited May 14, 2014 by longhands1

Hello,

I am 28years old, working in an MNC. I stay with my girlfriend. She is 27 years old and works for the same MNC. We are living together for the past 2 years. She is from Delhi and I am from Chennai.

Our sex life is great and we both have several sexual fantasies like swapping, gangbang (me with girls and my gf with only guys). We love each other alot and trust each other a lot. This is the only reason we both enjoy our sex life even with fantasies of swapping, threesome and gangbang.

Now I an going overseas on-site for 6 months so my girlfriend will be staying alone here. I feel insecure that she will continue with out me. This is bothering me a lot.

If I tell her about my fears, she will say that she will not invite anyone, but I know that she is a freak in sex just like me. She will surely have sex even in my absence and tell lies to me.

I dont want to ask her or tell that am insecure because we have planned this sexual activities with several promises like we will never bring the "insecure" factor ever because, then our relationship will turn bad like indirectly saying er have lack of trust. We both have spoken on this topic of being jealous or insecure and see this activities as sexual fantasy and part of sex life.

I really dont know how to tell her because if I say that I am insecure then it may be the end of our fantasy world.

Tell me what should I do?

 

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3 Answers

0 like 0 dislike
I doubt on your statement, which you have made here -WE LOVE EACH OTHER A LOT AND TRUST EACH OTHER A LOT- rethink on this statement, as I do not find trust in your relationship as I think your sexual relationship is opportunistic. Whenever she will find a sex partner she may turns out of the relationship. You have been with her for the last two years and after two years of relationship; you have doubt that in your absence she may have sex with others and lies to you. Sorry to say that but I think your relationship will not survive for long time as there is no trust and even I think there is no love as foundation of relationship is trust and that too fully trust whether you both are living together or in distance relationship.

You need to introspect your relationship, you are right that you should not ask her about your worry as that would make her feel like whore as your worry indicates that she is sex starved girl and no girl would like to hear such thing from anyone weather she wants sex all the time or not. Every girl wants to pretend like innocent girl and your worry might hurt her.

What you can do is discuss your future planning with her, if you are willing to get marry with her than revealed you have planning to marry her. Go for engagement so you may have trust on her that she will not have sex with others.

You may ask her not to stay alone in your absence and shift her to PG residence. Try to know her thinking on relationship, does she is serious about the relationship or for her relationship means just sex. If she is looking for sex in the relationship than you are right, that she may have sex with others in your absence. You may visit her often during your outside stay of the city so you may remain stay in connected.

I have a feeling from your description that she is in the relationship with you just for the sake of sex and in this scenario, your sense insecurity may turn into reality so hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
answered May 14, 2014 by alpesh kapdi (20,480 points)
commented May 14, 2014 by praveenrao (120 points)
Hello thanks for long reply,Yes!! we do love eachother alot and there is no doubt about it.the guys we talked earlier who stay in bangalore itself are new and we have not met them personally.i dont know by what reason am feeling some what difficult to allow my girlfriend to have sex with them in my absence.

I have told my gf today that what you will do after i go abroad,she said she will not meet often but invite those new guys if possible,i said dont invite anyone because i will be not there.she said if not she will invite old guys if am consern to meet new guys or couple.she is not taking serious that am feeling bad about it or feeling insecure.she just feeling that am afraid to allow to meet new guys at the moment.

am moving Chicago tomorrow lets see what my gf will do.i dont want to stop her enjoying her freedom so i will see what happens next.
2 like 0 dislike
when there is no strings attached with u r love why shud u be insecured????wat is this insecurity is all about??????
answered May 14, 2014 by divya123 (130 points)
commented May 14, 2014 by longhands1 (64,110 points)

divya,

We encourage detailed answers. One Line answers are changed to comments.Since you are a new User, am allowing it as an Answer this time.

commented May 14, 2014 by praveenrao (120 points)
hi,am confused if am insecure or worried about her meeting strangers with out me.am moving abroad tomorrow so i will see how things go around.
0 like 0 dislike
Dear Praveenrao,


    You doesn't have any kind of trust in your gf. From last two years you both are enjoying wjth each ofher and yoj also mention that you both love each ofher very much.

    In the same time you also tells that she will surely looking for another partner in your absence. Does for you only sex matters and not the feelings. By your feelings i understamd only that yoj are good bed friends, enjoy each others company in bed so wants to be each other.
  
     There is no care about your dreams,thoughts and thinking in yiur case. You don't want her to sleep with othe man and same time you don't want to tell her same. Dude why she will insecure. Is she is only sex starved girl that she doesn't understand you. Why would she feel insecure. Tell her straighter way about you feelings and thinking and if she is okay with her then you will say you love each other otherwise it will not wrong to say you love each others lust Nd nothing more than this.

      I hope you really love each other so communicate or discuss this with her even on phone too. If she also loves you she will also listen you and you should also remain loyal to her. Good Luck Friend .!
answered May 21, 2014 by Manoj4u (6,155 points)

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