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Is this Love, Desire or Attraction?

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asked Aug 29, 2015 in Questions by arnab.dhrubo (120 points)
edited Aug 29, 2015 by longhands1

Hello,

I am Arnab, 26, living in Dhaka, Bangladesh. Have done my MA from University of Dhaka and now working with a Fashion design house.

I don’t know how to begin. Okay, you can take this as a confession, but truly this has become a nightmare in my life. I just somehow want to get it solved.

Describing a little detail from past would help you to understand. I’ve always been confortable working, talking, and regular activities with women, but extremely shy when it’s comes to love, feelings, relationships and all.  Though a number of girls were my friend, even some were very close ones in school/college days, but I was always shy in those matters. This shyness even didn’t let me to respond to a girl’s proposal, who I also liked.

Now, for past several weeks, I am feeling attraction to a girl, who works with me in the same office. Fact is, it was okey if I could’ve realized that I’m started liking her, but it’s not that. I am totally confused why I feel attracted to her. Why I am saying that I am confused? Because it’s not always I think of her, and other feelings that a man in love feels, it’s something different.

Several months ago, I joined this company, where several girls were consigned to work under me.  Working with women was never the problem,  it was a formal colleague  relationship with all them, and even in my mind I never thought any other things about any of them. But it all started to happen that one day. That day I was doing some audit at our store room with one of my female colleagues. She was checking and counting while I was taking notes. At a point I looked up to say something, when I saw she was leaning to pick something, and I saw what I didn’t mean to or want to. I saw her cleavage, part of her tits, and her dress came up off her waist & I could see her waist too. At once I tried  to cut my look, somehow for the 1st time in my life I couldn’t do that and I kept staring for some seconds. I don’t know if she noticed this, but from that moment, whenever I see her, I couldn’t control myself but stare.

Believe me, I am being 100% honest. Not that she has the greatest figure, neither too beautiful.  She is a little short, chubby, but I can say she is quite cute. I just can’t take my eyes off her ass. Whenever she comes to me, or goes in front of me, I, in my subconscious mind, start staring at her ass.

I have just started hating myself. How can I lose control over my eyes!  I am not sure that I have fallen for her because there is no other feeling for her inside me, but to stare at her ass. Yes, I think of her when I am free, in my subconscious I think of that very day. Is this Love?  

I heard that she’s already engaged with another guy. Also, she and I are of different religions. My family is always believing, practicing, conservative religion. I myself am religious minded. I know my family would never except me getting engaged with a girl from a different religion. But, most of all I don’t know why this all happening to me.

Please help me. Suggest what to do. Am I falling for her? If yes, how can I fall for someone who’s already engaged? And if I’ve fallen, how can I make her mine? If it’s not a romantic feeling, then how can I control myself?

Please help me.

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6 Answers

0 like 0 dislike
it looks like a case of Attraction,actually it is a case of attraction.

You said you looked at her cleavage and her butts made you crazy for her,After that incident only you had the desire for her,Love doesn't happen due to Butts or cleavage.
You said you didnt mean to look at her cleavage i guess thats first of your best experiences in cleavage viewing.
The fact that moment made you crazy for her BUTTS[which you repeatedly said],i am sure its the new fantasy desire of having her butts,tits that makes you so crazy for her,let it give time and i guarantee you it will go away.

Again you keep talking about her butts and what all,think for yourself,apart from those does anything else makes you want her,if no then its not love,you get it right.
answered Aug 29, 2015 by Djlandd (465 points)
commented Aug 30, 2015 by arnab.dhrubo (120 points)
Thanks for your answer. Honestly, I just want to forget this, but it comes repeatedly in my subconsciousness. Because the initial reaction when the thought goes off is I feel shame, regret; even once I though to die. I don't how can I just overcome this.
0 like 0 dislike
First, Let me appreciate for your honest confession.

To Answer your question, I have to clarify you on how attraction works. Attraction is an emotion Not a Conscious decision. Attraction is one of the primal emotion that helped humanity survive and reproduce, and it is triggered in  our bodies much the same way as other primal emotions, such as hunger,fatigue, and fear. These emotions are instincts that have evolved in our species along with our brains over a long period of time (around two million years).
our(men) brains are hardwired to feel attraction to the traits that shows suitability for motherhood. smooth skin,big tits, wide hips etc.. are signals to your brain that she has a beautiful body and is suitable mother for your children, which triggers the emotion called attraction in you. It is a natural instinct in you and we are all born with it. Most importantly, All this process is unconscious and we are powerless to control/stop it.

coming to your questions :-
1) Am i in love with her :- you are not in love with her, you are attracted to her and is perfectly natural. the purpose of this emotion(that is attraction) is to have sex with her so that you will pass on your genes. it is same as purpose of the emotion (Hunger) to crave for food so that you will survive.

2) How can i fall for someone who is already engaged :- monogamous relationships including marriage are not natural. we have introduced these concepts in the civilized societies for the greater good of us all. so that our societies prospers. But our bodies have developed these instincts (attraction), way before we started to live in a civilized manner and is primitive. Hence, have the strong power. even if she is engaged,married,or a mother, it is same and does not make any difference as far as attraction is concerned.
Morality is something you have to decide on your own.
3) And if I’ve fallen, how can I make her mine :- As i said, the primary purpose of the attraction (emotion) is to have sex. love, the way it is shown in movies is not real. you may find her less attractive after few months, May  be get attracted to other women. So, think thoroughly before deciding what kind of relationship you want with her.
if you decided to pursue a romantic relationship with her (not necessarily marriage ). Here are some tips to make her yours.

1) women also have the same attractive mechanism. But they are attracted to the different qualities. Again this process is unconscious. so they have no choice, but to feel attraction.
2) They are unconsciously looking for a man with confidence. As the more confident a male is, The more he is able to protect her and her children and help them survive.
3) As you mentioned you are shy, I am not sure how comfortable you are to express your feelings to her. But if   
you decided to have her, then tell her that you find her attractive and interested in a romantic relationship. say it in direct ways as it shows that you have confidence (which will trigger attraction in her towards you ). And most importantly do not show any neediness. if you come across as needy, this means you are not confident and unable to take care of yourself. Hence not suitable to protect her (her subconscious thinks this way ).
answered Aug 30, 2015 by sivacp34 (120 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Dear A,
You are on the right way of your adulthood. It does not matter whether she has any boyfriend, it is possible to break the ice and try for her. You told that you have seen her cleavage and other parts of her body meticulously. It is believed that she might be coming in your dream and you don’t miss the chance.

The girls studying in university are mostly in your age and you may have access to their friends. Try to go closer and tell your love or attraction or ????. If she find you as a real follower then she will definitely give you space in her heart.

You are not going to marry her in your first meet so don’t bother about your family and family values. Everyone knows that these principles are not matter for lovers. This is one of the deadliest truth. The mindset of the conservative religions are also changing rapidly so it will considered as and when you both have a strong relation for marriage. None knows how the relation will start and where to end so don’t worry for the future enjoy the present and enjoy your life not the theory.

Lovers are fall in love and love says I love only lovers.
answered Aug 30, 2015 by bubu_002 (2,575 points)
0 like 0 dislike
I do not think that there is a love or something like that its just infatuation for that girl because you saw her asserts and that too for some moments, which is responsible to amplify your curiosity to see her entire body and it is male psyche. Do not worry this feeling will go away after some time, just set your goal and start working to achieve it. You are doing nothing wrong by thinking of her so no need to feel guilty. Moreover, no need to put extra effort to get rid of such feeling about her because more you try to get away from it you will start falling more into it. Just go with the flaw of life.
answered Aug 31, 2015 by alpesh kapdi (18,935 points)
0 like 0 dislike
How the Dick rules the mind!!!!

Buddy, don't live your life by the Dick. It has never served a man well.

Sex should never be the basis of a relationship. It is a very weak foundation. Once attracted by sex, can always be attracted to another for similar reasons.

And you are talking about marriage etc, that's like jumping into the fire because you liked the warmth of the fire.

You want to portray yourself as a pure heart person. But the fact is, you are governed by your dick, at least in this case.

I am being blunt. I don't see it any other way.

Take leave for a couple of days, watch porn, shag to your hearts content, go out with other friends, go on a trek/hike with a new group of unknowns. When you return to your office, you will have reduced the effect of your infatuation with this girl.

All the best.
answered Aug 31, 2015 by kinkyguy (1,415 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Hii bro...from your above long description its clear that its never be case of love..Its just a sexual attraction or infatuation..Incidentally you got a nice chance to look at her cleavages,tits and suddenly your desires for her arose but you didn't have any feeling for her or any other earlier though you were working together...Its just the burning desires for sex that is common in such young age groups...You must be thinking about the sensitive body parts of that not so beautiful girl and its just a fantasy not love..
   Moreover she is engaged.. If there is beak off with her bf....on later your conservative family members will never allow your relationship  with such a girl due to different religion..Its better not to dream of her and search for another girl with whom you can enjoy and may make  her your permanent life partner if possible...
answered Sep 1, 2015 by Sexy Simpram (1,225 points)

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