I am Arnab, 26, living in Dhaka, Bangladesh. Have done my MA from University of Dhaka and now working with a Fashion design house.
I don’t know how to begin. Okay, you can take this as a confession, but truly this has become a nightmare in my life. I just somehow want to get it solved.
Describing a little detail from past would help you to understand. I’ve always been confortable working, talking, and regular activities with women, but extremely shy when it’s comes to love, feelings, relationships and all. Though a number of girls were my friend, even some were very close ones in school/college days, but I was always shy in those matters. This shyness even didn’t let me to respond to a girl’s proposal, who I also liked.
Now, for past several weeks, I am feeling attraction to a girl, who works with me in the same office. Fact is, it was okey if I could’ve realized that I’m started liking her, but it’s not that. I am totally confused why I feel attracted to her. Why I am saying that I am confused? Because it’s not always I think of her, and other feelings that a man in love feels, it’s something different.
Several months ago, I joined this company, where several girls were consigned to work under me. Working with women was never the problem, it was a formal colleague relationship with all them, and even in my mind I never thought any other things about any of them. But it all started to happen that one day. That day I was doing some audit at our store room with one of my female colleagues. She was checking and counting while I was taking notes. At a point I looked up to say something, when I saw she was leaning to pick something, and I saw what I didn’t mean to or want to. I saw her cleavage, part of her tits, and her dress came up off her waist & I could see her waist too. At once I tried to cut my look, somehow for the 1st time in my life I couldn’t do that and I kept staring for some seconds. I don’t know if she noticed this, but from that moment, whenever I see her, I couldn’t control myself but stare.
Believe me, I am being 100% honest. Not that she has the greatest figure, neither too beautiful. She is a little short, chubby, but I can say she is quite cute. I just can’t take my eyes off her ass. Whenever she comes to me, or goes in front of me, I, in my subconscious mind, start staring at her ass.
I have just started hating myself. How can I lose control over my eyes! I am not sure that I have fallen for her because there is no other feeling for her inside me, but to stare at her ass. Yes, I think of her when I am free, in my subconscious I think of that very day. Is this Love?
I heard that she’s already engaged with another guy. Also, she and I are of different religions. My family is always believing, practicing, conservative religion. I myself am religious minded. I know my family would never except me getting engaged with a girl from a different religion. But, most of all I don’t know why this all happening to me.
Please help me. Suggest what to do. Am I falling for her? If yes, how can I fall for someone who’s already engaged? And if I’ve fallen, how can I make her mine? If it’s not a romantic feeling, then how can I control myself?
Please help me.
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