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Persuasion coercion, or downright threatening behaviour?

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asked Jul 25, 2016 in Questions by sexysalma (14,920 points)
edited Jul 25, 2016 by sexysalma

Hello everyone,

I recently received an email from a young girl. I don't know anything about her background, besides the fact that she signed herself as Aisha, she's a 15-year-old schoolgirl, and she lives in India. She didn't disclose how she got my private email address, beyond saying that she got it from one of her friends (and this confuses me, because I'm not aware that I'm in contact with anyone as young as this). She was having problems with her boyfriend, who had managed to convince her to let him take naked pictures of her on his phone. She was very reluctant, but he kept persisting until she gave in.

If that wasn't bad enough, he then started trying to persuade her to give him a hand job, and when she refused, he started threatening to show her pictures to some of his friends. She felt like she didn't have any option, and started to give him manual satisfaction.

Some of you reading this may guess what was next on his agenda: after a few weeks of getting hand jobs, and him touching and fondling her intimately, he again threatened to expose her if she didn't give him oral sex. This time he threatened to print out the pictures, and post them to her father, as well as expose them to his friends. The poor girl tried to finish with him, but with the threat of exposing her to her family and all his friends, she felt unable to even break off their relationship, if relationship is what it could be called!!!

Still not content, he is now insisting that she has sex with him, and this time with the threat of posting all of her pictures on the Internet, including pictures he took of her giving him oral sex.

I personally don't think he would make good his threat of putting her pictures online, as he could then be traced through his IP address, and the fact that he is engaged in sexual activities with a 15-year-old girl would land him in very very hot water indeed. However, the threat of being exposed to her family is terrifying her, and she feels helpless to prevent him from what is in effect, raping her. Just because there is no threat of physical violence, it doesn't mean that this is not a threat of rape. The fact that she is not consenting freely, and is being forced to have sex with him should be sufficient grounds for him to be charged with intention to rape, and if he actually makes good his demands and has sex with her, the intent becomes the act.

I'm not often stuck for words, but I really am finding it difficult to advise this girl. My natural instinct is to tell her to throw herself on the mercy of her family, and explain to them all of the circumstances behind what has happened so far, and what he is threatening to do next. If the girl was in England, that would be the wisest course of action, however, I'm conscious that Indian society takes a much more conservative view of anything to do with sex, and that she is terrified of what her family will think of her, and how it will affect her future. With hindsight, she should never have agreed to let him take compromising pictures of her, as the moment he did that, he had a hold over her, which he could use to commit further outrages.

If she hadn't been a lovestruck young girl, then she probably would have been sensible enough to dump him the moment he even tried to make her do something against her natural inclinations, but that is all water under the bridge, and we can't change what has already happened. What we need now is some sensible suggestions, particularly from Indian-based readers, because I feel that, coming from England, I'm really standing on dodgy ground trying to advise a young girl who comes from a very different background.

As well as Aisha's problem, I am also interested in people's opinions about this kind of behaviour. We read every day about embarrassing photographs being published on the Internet, and with the advent of smart phones, doing such a thing has never been easier. We get other people coming on here from time to time talking about exposing their wife or girlfriend, by posting compromising pictures. My personal feeling is that this is okay, but ONLY if consent to do so has been freely given, not cajoled, coerced or as the result of threats.

I suppose I'm asking two questions in one, so I really hope that some people will have some ideas that will help Aisha. I did send her an email telling her that I would post her dilemma on this forum, and that she would not be at any risk of exposure. I hope that she recognises the question I have put on here, but if not, I will cut and paste and email them to her. So I hope that some of our kind to spirited correspondence will come up with some good answers.

Salma




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5 Answers

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I am sure you have already given her best advice for her dilemma of being blackmailed. She has limited options to explore and best one is to inform her family immediately so they will handle the matter in appropriate way because she is not in a position to take action against his monster boyfriend.

Many Indian girls are going through the same situation just to avoid the family embarrassment and pervert boys like him taking advantage of the fear of the girls.

I would like to encourage her to tell her family, as what he has been doing is surely enough to lend him in jail for few years. If she is unable to do so then she has to suffer, he would continue to humiliate her more and more.

I would not be surprised if he brings few of his friends to enjoy her body because he has her naked photographs to threaten her and she will have to oblige his increasing demands. What she has done is extreme so it is time to take action against such monster to show his position.

She has one more option here to explore, she can contact to NGO who works for children and Government child helpline number is always there for her but one thing is sure she has to take some bravery steps if she wants to come out it otherwise she has to suffer humiliating each day. She can PM me I can help her, as I am associate with NGO, who keeps girls identify top secret and help.

answered Jul 26, 2016 by alpesh kapdi (21,110 points)
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Dear Salma

The girl should tell her boyfriend that she is in touch with counsellor / legal experts and that help is at hand. As soon as he senses that grown ups and that to the legal kind are involved he will run for the door. Obviously Aisha needs to be convinced first. Tell her that blackmailers react to more positively to threat not compliance. Once she is convinced write her an email which she can forward to her boyfriend. The email should leave the room open for him to exit. Something in the following lines may be useful

'Dear Aisha

Thank you for sharing your situation. First of all please understand that you have done nothing wrong. We generally trust the people we love and you did the same. It is your boyfriend who is behaving immorally and worst still illegally. The good news for you is that help (and a lot of it) is at hand.

First your boyfriend has already broken the law by threatening to post your pictures or sending them to yur parents. If you are harmed in the slightest way there are organizations that will ensure that he is in jail. It may be a bit complicated for a 15 year old to understand but he can be taken in for investigation by police even now. One more word from his side, one more attempt and the consequences will be dire. We will make sure of that.If he posts anything on internet he will be imprisoned for a long time for sure.

As for you my child, there are many who will come out to support you. Whether it is your education or social interaction there is a lot of support for people like you especially if you are under 18. So don't worry and tell him to get lost or leave you alone.

You are not alone my child. You are loved and you will be protected. Its the boy who is courting trouble. I hope that he understands the serious risks he is taking. His future is at risk of being completely destroyed.

Your loving Salma (suggest you avoid sexy in that email)'

all the best and keep up the good work Salma
answered Jul 26, 2016 by steppen (260 points)
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Salma/Aisha, One thing you can do is approaching the cops. Make them understand the gravity of the situation anf how the matter should be handelled secretly . Being professional they would catch him and make him face the law. Obviously other option is telling it to family which is far more difficult for her and in long term stipulations would be thrust on her and her freedom would be curtailed. Her education too could hamper.

    One more option would be telling it to her teachers or any female relative/ well wisher of her.Such elements should be severely punished . She should show courage and should stand for her own self  esteem. Unless she helps herself how other can help her? She can approch child welfare committee at her place to or an NGO! She can search net to know how to approch the NGO! 

  

answered Jul 26, 2016 by prashant69 (6,925 points)
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Dear Aisha,

In early age boys and girls are indulging with sex with their lovers/friends with whom they are spending their valuable time. It is also seen that they capturing the precious moments in camera or mobile. This act may be consensual or forceful. Sometimes it become public due to phone theft or data theft but most of the time when the relationship become bitter then boys or girls posting the naked and sensitive photographs on web with attractive title. I want to say an example in which the girl committed suicide as her boyfriend shared the video in web for sake of money.

I know you are in traumatic state so you have to go to the police's cyber cell who can able to take action in this regards by blocking the phone nos an other medium by which the pics/videos can be shared. Now the Cyber Laws are strict and can helpful to the victims. These type of people should be treated seriously else the consequences may take life.

Another girl/woman should approach him and trap his activities. This will helpful to catch him with evidence that will helpful to you as well as the the boy because his family will fight for him. Some of the voluntary organisations are helping these people to come-out of the situation.
answered Jul 26, 2016 by bubu_002 (2,730 points)
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Dear Salma
It's very nice of you to put this problem of the girl in this forum to help her. But you also know that the only solution is that he should believe in her self to take bold decision else she will loose everything.She can talk to her family first as there can't be any better support system than family. What ever options have been suggested by other users is good. The point is that she should make the decision and stand up against the boy.The more she delays the deeper she will be in trouble.
answered Jul 30, 2016 by dev0112 (245 points)

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