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My sister is having many affairs. What should I do?

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asked Aug 18, 2016 in Questions by Gaurav12390 (125 points)
edited Aug 21, 2016 by longhands1

Dear Anjali mam,

I live with my sister in Delhi for study and job. One day, I came to know that she is having many affairs. She is in a relationship with one of our close relatives. She is also doing bad things with my friends. She does adult chats with my friends.

My friend always made fun of me by using bad words about my sister. One of my close friend said that my sister even had sex with two of my friends. I thought he was lying. Then one day when my sister was sleeping, I checked her phone.

I saw that she chats with my friends and cousins. When I opened those conversations, I came to know that she sends her nude pics to them. And also had sex with my cousin and friends.

Please suggest how to handle this? What shoud I do?

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7 Answers

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Ok listen dude, I know what's been boiling in your mind. Your mind is not coping up with the face that YOUR sister is sleeping with other guys. I capitalized 'your' because if she had been your friend's sister you wouldn't care. I know it's hard to accept some things about the people you know and love since childhood. It's natural you are feeling irritated, angry, let down by her actions.

It's completely natural to feel enraged when your colleagues bad mouth about your sister. Anyone in their right mind would feel anger and disappointment. But I am proud of you that you've not done something out of impulse. Now understand few things. Every person here on this planet have desires which they have developed over time and keep it within them until they get a chance to act upon it. You say you are from small town and you know how suppressing the society is in general more so in small town and especially in state like Haryana. Believe me I also live here albeit in a big town. The more you suppress a feeling the more you want to do it. It's universal. Now this point is clear let's move onto the next point.

Since you haven't described in details about the past upbringing of your sister and her actions in past so I can only speculate. Sex is something which is natural and everyone wants to do it. Some get an early chance to fulfill this desire some wait patiently until they get the right partner. Every human being is different. Some want to do it with many people which they like over the course of their lifetimes while some like being with only one partner. I've knows both girls and guys who fall in these two category. My own sisters had multiple partners in past but it never bothered me much because they have always been much smarter than me.

Let me relate more with you. I have two sisters, one elder and one younger. When I found out my elder sister has bf and they are sleeping around, to be honest, I spent many sleepless nights. I hated my sister for that, for some time, stopped talking to her. I was angry not because she has a bf I was angry because MY sister has a bf. Lets be real we don't care about other girls who we see and imagine them in our pervert dreams and jerk off to them. We don't feel the same about girls we see in mms clips on porn sites. We cared because OUR sister is doing this thing. How can she?

So I want you to think differently for your own good. Think that your sister is also a human being and she has some desires and there are some things which makes her feel happy. If she feels happy doing sex with those guys then you shouldn't hate her for that neither should you try to stop her. If you want to be a good brother then make sure that those guys are not forcing your sister into doing this. It may so happen that she had sex with one of them once and he videotaped that and has been blackmailing her since into sending him nudes as well as having sex with him or others. It's just a speculation from my side as you have not given much details.The gist of what I am trying to say is that you want to be a good brother to her who loves and cares for his sister and wants to protect her.

But you need to keep this in mind that you can't protect her from things from which she doesn't need protection from. If you find out that she is doing it all from her own will and no one is forcing her then you must not interfere in her matter. Think it this way, imagine you are having sex with multiple girls and you love doing that as well as those girls but your sister gets to know this and tries to stop you from doing it, how would you feel?

Now getting into the topic of nudes shared via phone. Man this is a serious topic.I know sexy_salma berated you for looking into her phone which seriously you shouldn't but we can't gloss over the fact that your sister's nudes may have been on some other guy's phone. And if porn sites and numerous sex blogs are  to believed many such nudes and videos end up on these mentioned sites and into numerous people's computers and phones. So it is a serious issue. I am putting up a few choices in front of you. You may choose to act upon them according to the conditions.

First, if you have very close relationship with your sister, I mean the kind where you both share everything with each other without being judged then it is really easy to handle. Go to your sister, talk normally like you  guys do and steer the topic in that way. If you don't want to make her fell embarrassed then you can say that one of your friends used to send nudes or sexy pics to her bf and it ended up on internet and also say that sometime it's bf and sometimes someone else who get their hand on such personal pics. If your sister takes you seriously she will understand in a jiffy what you have been talking about. This way you can convey your message without actually saying it. She will love you for that.

If you and your sister are distant then it's quite a task to handle.You can still talk like you have watched a news where a girl sends her nude pics and they were leaked.Just say this like you are telling her this news and start a little discussion saying that girls can do whatever they want but they shouldn't trust other person and if they want to send nudes they can atleast hide their faces and any other marks of identification. She will surely understand it if you say her in a way that she doesn't get a hint that you know about her pic sharing thing.

Now to deal with those Guys who have been teasing you. Best way is to ignore them and find other friends. If someone is fucking their friend's sister then they wouldn't brag about it to her own brother. One of my friend is banging our other friend's sister. Though we all know they are bf -  gf but we don't discuss that and this is called decency and being in limits.
If they are such a big douche bag that they tease you about banging your sister then you can sneak up their phone and look for any nude or any other pic of your sister. If you find one make sure to delete the whole memory card or take it out and crush it. Also be on their good side for some time, get access to their computer and look for pictures or videos of your sister.

How can you do it? Simple, they are most probably running windows. Just go to any drive like D,E.,F. Open it and on the upper right corner you can find a search bar. Type *.jpeg , then *.jpg then *.gif then *.png  ,, these are the most common picture files. Doing these will display all the images on that drive, look through them and see if you find your sister's pic . Make sure you have unhidden all the folders by going through folder option.

Once you have made sure that those guys don't have any pic of your sis or if they had and you have deleted them then you can be sure that your sister is safe for now. Then you can warn them in stern voice if they say anything about your sister. Normally a strict warning will go a long way as not everyone is courageous and most just show their manliness on weak. Don't listen don't seem weak. Break all ties with them. Find yourself some new friends.

Last but not the least do not look at your Sister in anincestous way. Your sister's relation with other guys gives you no power to think that you can too use her to your advantage.

Respect your Sister for what she is, not what you want her to be.

answered Aug 19, 2016 by Connfused_Guy (150 points)
selected Aug 24, 2016 by Gaurav12390
commented Aug 24, 2016 by Gaurav12390 (125 points)
Thanks for all your suggestions
0 like 1 dislike
Hello Gaurav,

I assume this is the post that you were referring to when you sent me a private message the other day.

What your sister is doing is her own business. If she is over the age of consent, it means that she is considered as an adult in your society; therefore, she has a free choice about how she chooses to live her life, and what she does with it. Your disapproval is noted here, but you have no right to interfere with her life.

What do you think you were doing going through her private messages and pictures on her mobile phone without asking her first? How would you feel if she did the same thing to you, and read all your private messages, and look to any pictures you might have on your phone you would be really angry to know that she would go behind your back and spy on you, so what makes you think you have the right to do that to her? What you have done there is despicable. You have violated her privacy, and betrayed her trust. You might dress it up as having good intentions, but there is no justification or excuse for reading other people's personal information without first asking their permission.

You are busy playing the concerned brother, but I suspect that this is more because you do not want to be associated with her behaviour. You feel it reflects badly on you, and therefore you want us to approve of you taking the phony moral high ground. Let's face it, if we were talking about your brother instead of your sister, there is no doubt that the vast majority of people would be congratulating him on being able to have sex with as many girls as he could get. But because it is your sister, she is being condemned as a slu

If you say anything to her, she will realise that you have been talking behind her back, and will probably figure out very quickly that you have been spying on her. She will feel betrayed and angry, as well as very hurt. What do you think that that will do for your relationship with her? At the very least, she will know that she cannot trust you, and she will know what you think of her, and I don't think that the two of you would remain sharing a place together for any longer than it would take her to throw you out. If she threw out, how would you explain that to your family? Would you betray her even further by telling your parents how she chooses to live her life? And for doing exactly the same as any guy would do, you included!!!

I only hope that she is insisting on her sex partners wearing condoms, to protect her from pregnancy and STI's. Beyond that, if this is how she chooses to behave, that is her right.

Something you need to consider very carefully as well, once a girl gets a bad reputation, everybody claims to have had sex with her, and then vilifies her in the next sentence. Your sister may have had sex with her cousins, she may have even had sex with two guys at the same time, but I don't doubt that half the people claiming to have had sex with her are doing so purely through wishful thinking, and envy of those who have actually done it. I would also consider very carefully whether someone who can talk about your sister in such unpleasant terms could really be considered to be a friend of yours. No true friend would say things that would deliberately cause trouble or hurt your feelings.

If you love your sister and care about her, then protect her. Don't allow your friends to badmouth her behind her back, and try to treat her and her privacy with the respect she would hope you should be showing. All of us do things from time to time, which other people might think are wrong, so before you act like man in a glasshouse with a pocket full of stones, think about the harm you could cause.

Salma
answered Aug 18, 2016 by sexysalma (14,920 points)
commented Aug 18, 2016 by Gaurav12390 (125 points)
I  know she is an adult. She has the right to do whatever she wants. And also i have no right to check her personal messagess. I was not able to control myself after hearing such things.so i checked her phone.But she had sex with cousin and send nude pics to him and my friends. If they misuse those pics and blackmailed her. Then what will we do. My hometown is haryana. And i am from a small town. Dont know they showed her nude pics or told about my sister. I feel embrassed when everyone laughs at me and say nonsense things
commented Aug 19, 2016 by sexysalma (14,920 points)
Your reply to me that your concern is not for your sister, but to your reputation, and your standing amongst your friends. And can you really call these people your friends if this is the way they behave?

You know as well as I do that there is no real threat of blackmail. Even if they posted her pictures on an Internet site somewhere, they would be your sisters 15 minutes of fame. Within a matter of hours, those pictures would be replaced by new ones, and within a couple of days, no one would even remember. Furthermore, what is she guilty of? A few nude photographs, even if those photographs show her committing an act with another person, they are no worse than anything you can find within seconds, with one click of your mouse button.

What is causing you to write in is not your sister's behaviour, but your embarrassment. If all your friends are so immature that they want to make crude remarks or laugh about your sister behind her back, and whisper nasty things in your ear, then I think it's about time you found some more mature friends.

Salma
commented Aug 19, 2016 by Gaurav12390 (125 points)
I  am not happy with your answer. I am  not against her relationships. I just want to  her to be in a relation with only one guy. And tell me one thing. In our culture its not good to have sex with cousin.and you also saying me to leave my friends,cousins. You  want me to cutoff from the society because of her. Mam i not here to complain about her. I just want an advice ki how she will leave these things.
commented Aug 19, 2016 by sexysalma (14,920 points)
If you are not happy with the answer, that's all right by me. If you ask a question, and the answer that you get does not please you, you don't have to take the suggestion or accept any of the replies. But once you ask a question, you will get replies, and they won't always support your own views.

I still think that if you have so-called friends who will mock you because of your sisters behaviour, then you ought to look elsewhere, as no real friends would mock you, actually have some sympathy. These guys are obviously immature, and probably the same ones who are boasting about having sex with your sister in the first place..
commented Aug 19, 2016 by Gaurav12390 (125 points)
sexysalma why my sister send her nude pics to them and why she needs many sex partners?  Is she is in trouble or she needs many partners to enjoy?
0 like 2 dislike
Your sister is mature enough to know what is good and what is bad. You should not violate Her privacy by checking Her conversations. I know as a brother you must be feeling terrible right now but theres is nothing that you can do except telling her. But eventually she will do whatever she likes.
answered Aug 18, 2016 by Rohaniss9876 (190 points)
commented Aug 19, 2016 by Gaurav12390 (125 points)
You are right bro. She knows what she is doing  with her life. But I dont  understand why she needs many sex partners and send her nude pics to them.
0 like 0 dislike

It is her private life but since she is having affairs with your friends you have all right to talk to her about it and ask her to stop it as it brings embarrassment for you among group of friends. Threaten her that you would let your family knows about it and make her stop at least having affairs with the people you know.

If she does not want to stop this then stop living with her and cut off your friends out of your life as this is the only thing you can do if she does not want to listen you.

I am sure if you are successful in threatening her then she would stop it but you should go for communication and let her know that you know everything. Clear cut discussion is required, I know it is not an easy thing to discuss with sister but you are left with no option than to have discussion so go for it. 

answered Aug 20, 2016 by alpesh kapdi (19,770 points)
commented Aug 20, 2016 by Gaurav12390 (125 points)
I asked her about this. But she said dont interfere in my life and i will do whatever i want to do. I also told  threatened her ki I will tell all this to our father. She said she dont care. My father will not agree if i will say  i  want to leave alone. When she knew i know everything. She is doing everything in my presence. Please tell me what can i do now?
0 like 0 dislike

Dear G,

Private life of every person is different from one to another. Even if friends discussing their secrets have different preference. In this case your sister is an adult and has freedom to decide how she will take the path of life. In adulthood male/female desired for sex which is common to all. A category of people, those are taking the advantage of their youthful days and explorer the fantasies. They enjoy the time and involved in exotic chat and fun. Male/female in this category focuses of their professional career and has fun side by side.

The other category used to think about what to be done but never act either not getting the chance or suppress their desire for fear of society/family. People of this category are wasting their time and hampering their professional growth because neither their desire fulfilled not abstain from their thinking.

Both the categories are right in their point. But the people judge the event is also different while commenting. Also the comments are different if he/she is involved or commenting towards one another person. If she is not your sister then your comment might be different. The images floated in web shows that girls and boys sharing their intimate moments. It’s not those they intentionally sharing it but the other partner getting some benefits by sharing.

Let’s come to your friend and cousins. She is well aware about them and knows that chances of safety are more than strangers. Adult chat and exchange of nude images are not justifies the sexual affairs. Your friends may be requesting her nude images for their fantasies so your sister sharing it by showing her openness as a new generation girl.  We grown in the society and adopt according to it. If she is having sex with those people you mentioned then she should do in protective manner else her fun would spoil her. 

answered Aug 20, 2016 by bubu_002 (2,650 points)
commented Aug 22, 2016 by Gaurav12390 (125 points)
I want to know ki she is in any trouble or she needs many partners to fun? How can i find that?
0 like 0 dislike
So you mean to say that even after turning 18 or adult our daughters or sisters should do sex according to our recomendation. Then what is the difference between the manager at brothels and us. In brothels the boss directs the sex workers to go to which room.
answered Aug 20, 2016 by boy123 (145 points)
0 like 0 dislike
You are a small boy of 21 years. Your sister is elder or younger than you,is not clear to me.You live with your sister, is she married...Where is her husband or your parents and who controls the family,nothing is mentioned in your description.You should not spy your sister's activities.You may tell her that she is not doing good,report the matter to your guardians.Concentrate on your studies and job.I am sure that she is not dependent on you.Please mind your own business.
answered Aug 24, 2016 by Motilal (5,000 points)

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