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Is it normal to feel pain during fingering?

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asked Sep 5, 2016 in Questions by saj33ya (120 points)
I am from a place where we dont use tampons..I am sure not much people know about it around here.. So never used one.. I have tried to finger myself but I was unable to insert my fingers in there..I want to but I just was not able to..
So My boyfriend and I want to get intimate.. and we searched online for the best way to approach it as We are both virgins (Both aged 26).. we found fingering should be done to relax and things... But the problem is everything goes fine I get aroused but things go down the drain the moment he tries to put his finger inside me.. I feel little bit of pain and sort of uncomfortable..
If fingering is the thing to be done before intercourse and if that hurts,How is it possible to have intercourse?
We dont live together.. We try these when we go on Vacations i.e once in 4/5 months.. We have tried four times before.. Lucky my bf is really gentle and understanding... But I just want to know if there is anything wrong with me? Or is it just because I am not fully aroused , not enough lubrication or we are doing it the wrong way :'(



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3 Answers

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I have to say that, if sex education was given to all children, then your questions would have been answered many years ago. Neither your education system, nor your parents, have done the right thing by you. If you had more understanding about your own body, then you would not be in this confused state.

Let me say from the outset, there is nothing wrong with you. The fact that you want to enjoy a sexual relationship with someone you really care about shows that you are perfectly normal. You get excited at the thought of having sex, and you really want to enjoy this, but as soon as your boyfriend tries to push his fingers inside you, it hurts. You have tried doing this yourself, and it hurt. This is because your hymen, which is a thin membrane of skin which proves to be a barrier against entry into your vagina has not yet been broken. If you do a search on the Internet, and put the right words in the search window, you can find the information you need, together with photographs and diagrams. As we are not allowed to advertise on this forum, I cannot post a link to a particular site. But there are plenty out there, and all you need to do is to put the words female genital anatomy in your search window, and you can choose from a huge index of websites.

As to the practicalities of breaking your hymen, and there by losing your virginity, you can do this with your own fingers, or some suitably shaped device. Many girls use their own fingers, or a fairly slim candle would also do the trick. Before attempting this, make sure your hands, or any object you choose to use, are thoroughly washed. Breaking your hymen will cause pain. But the pain is only momentary, and it will be accompanied by a little bit of blood, but nothing like as much blood as your monthly cycle. Once you have broken the skin of the hymen, that sharp stinging sensation will soon fade away, and you will then be able to enjoy penetrative sex, with your own fingers, your boyfriend's fingers, and, when the time is right, his penis.

If you are not using birth control, letting his penis inside you will risk pregnancy, so make sure that he's wearing a condom before allowing him to have penetrative sex with you. The alternative to this is the you to start taking proper contraceptive measures. Please do not do what a lot of foolish young girls to, and rely on taking the morning after l-pill. The i-pill works by giving you massive overdoses of four months, which will play havoc with your periods, and can have some unpleasant side effects which may last for a considerable time. Proper contraceptive advice can be given to you by your doctor or a family planning clinic if you have one nearby. Remember, medical professionals have to treat everything with strict confidentiality, so there is no reason for you to fear asking about contraception.

You say that you are lucky your boyfriend is very gentle and understanding, this is a very good thing. Some men are just too impatient, and Edith treat their girlfriend roughly, or break up the relationship because they can't get what they want. At least your boyfriend shows love, patience, and understanding, so he sounds like a keeper to me!!!

Please consider this as well: there are many ways of giving each other pleasure without penetrative sex. Oral sex is extremely satisfying, and is very exciting. If you have sensitive breasts, then getting him to kiss, lick, suck, and gently caress them feels extremely nice. Let him kiss your body, and discover where your most intimate and sensitive places are. Not everything is focused on your vagina. Each person is different, but some parts of the body are very sensitive to the right kind of gentle stimulation. Your neck, your earlobes, your breasts, particularly your nipples, your abdomen, and your inner thighs. Your feet and your toes are also very sensitive, and you may well enjoy having your toes sucked, and the soles of your feet leaked. The backs of your knees are surprisingly sensitive as well, and gentle featherlight touch is there can send a shiver of excitement three. The junction whether tops of your thighs meet your abdomen is also another place where many women enjoy featherlight touches of fingers or tongue. The cheeks of your bottom also respond to a variety of touches and kisses. Some women actually enjoy having their bottom smacked, as this stinging sensation soon gets replaced by a delicious heat spreads through the flesh. Your anus is extremely sensitive, and if kissed, licked and gently probed with the tile, can give you the most delicious feelings. Last of all, but most importantly, stimulation of your clitoris by either your own fingers, or your partners fingers, lips and tongue can send you into paroxysms of pure unadulterated pleasure. Your partner can kiss your entire vagina, and lick and suck it. The vaginal juices are perfectly safe to be licked and even swallowed, and many men (and women) really love doing this. All the parts of your body that are sensitive can be discovered if you're partner takes a little bit of time to gently touch and kiss.

If you do the same thing to him, you will discover different ways to be intimate with each other. I have never met the man who didn't like his girlfriend to suck his penis. As long as he is nice and clean, then this is a pleasure for both of you. There is something really exciting in taking your man's penis in your mouth and sucking it. It is an act of love that will excite him so much. If he comes in your mouth, there is nothing wrong with this. You can swallow his semen, and I would recommend doing so, as it hurts and to see you spit it out. To amend this is like a rejection of his most vital gift. If you think of it like that, you will never spit it out, you should swallow his semen if he comes in your mouth, as it is not only exciting for him to see you do it, but it is actually quite a nutritious fluid.

The two of you might find yourselves so excited, that penetrative sex takes place as a natural continuation to all the other things that are going on. The first time he manages to penetrate you, you will experience a moment or two of pain, but believe me, the pain is very short lived, and you will definitely enjoy what comes next!!!

Please don't be surprised or disappointed if the first time the two of you actually consummate your relationship, it all happens in a flash. He will probably be so excited that he will come very quickly, probably far sooner than you would want. It really doesn't matter, because he will soon become erect again, and the second time round he will last longer, and both of you will really enjoy everything that happens.

I don't know how frequently you read the articles on this forum, but I suggest you have a look at a good cross-section of questions and answers, as you will discover that there is a whole world of different things that the two of you can do with each other. Sex is only limited by your imagination, and what you are prepared to try out. Whatever people might tell you, there is nothing wrong with anything that you want to do in sex, as long as the two of you are in happy agreement to do it. There's no such thing as nasty or wrong, or bad as far as sex is concerned, unless one is trying to force something on the other. Anything that the two of you agree to is just making each other happy, and expressing your love for each other.

While no one else can write to you and explain exactly how you will react, or exactly how you should break your hymen, I hope I have at least helped to take away the fear you have at the moment. The reality of this is: you are more frightened of pain, than the pain itself. When it happens, it will be no worse than the feeling of having an injection in your arm, and the pain is about as long-lasting as that as well. It really is nothing to be frightened of.

My love to both of you, I hope you are very happy together.

Salma
answered Sep 5, 2016 by sexysalma (14,920 points)
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Normally fingering must not be painful.Nails of finger   should be removed before inserting inside.Both finger and vaginal passage should be properly lubricated,this will felicitate movement of finger in fingering.She will get enormous pleasure,do this till her fluid is discharged.
answered Sep 6, 2016 by Motilal (5,525 points)
edited Sep 6, 2016 by prashant69
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I am telling you from my experience. It may differ from person to person. I used to rub my clit a lot but never got successful in pushing fingers inside.Same problem as yours, it hurt like *****.Then I made a bf and soon he wanted to have sex. I am telling you how he did it to me. He licked my pussy a lot initially, then he put a cushion below my bums and I spread my legs as comfortably far as I could. He applied water-based lubrication all over his dick and my pussy. He didn't just rub it outside on vulva but inside the pussy lips too. Then it's a bit hard part. He told me to be relax.It was hard because it's not easy to relax in such situations. But I tried my best.For a few minutes he couldn't push it inside because first I was virgin and second I didn't relax properly.Then he started talking to me while he rub his dick over my vulva.He did it to take my attention away from the action.While I was busy talking to him he positioned it properly and gave a gentle yet powerful push and the upper portion aka head of his dick broke my hymen and fit inside the inner walls of my pussy. I cried a bit because honestly it did hurt. But he stopped for few minutes right there, didn't move but fondled my tits and kissed me. I don't know when but after some minutes pain eased off and he started moving and we had sex few times that day. After a few rounds pain mostly eases off and pleasure takes its place.

You guys may try like this , see if this suits you.Tell your bf not to fuck forcefully or push it all inside in one go. In first try just aim that head of penis fits inside the vagina and do sex like that, don't try to force it all inside.
Once again relaxation and proper lubrication is key. Just think you are enjoying it and it is not hurting and you will enjoy it a lot and if possible don't stop after one session , try to have sex multiple times.

Remember that sex is mostly in mind so train your mind , your genitals will obey its command. Have a happy first sex.
answered Sep 12, 2016 by sakshii (385 points)

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