Welcome to AskAnjali.com India's No 1 Sexual Health Forum. Ask Anjali and other experts & members questions on Sex, Masturbation, Relationships, Love, Affairs, Penis and much more.
Want to listen to the voice of your HOT Anjali Aunty? Click on the "Audio Answers" menu link and listen to her answer all your sexual questions.

12,860 questions

42,080 answers

32,031 comments

57,903 users

The Ask Anjali Team

Sidebar

Will I be cheating my girlfriend if I do not tell her about my colourful past?

0 votes
1.6K views
asked Nov 1, 2016 in Questions by RS (205 points)
edited Nov 4, 2016 by longhands1

I am getting married soon. My girl is from a conservative background. I love her very much. Now I lead a stable life. I want her and only her to share my life with.

Problem is, I have had a very bad lifestyle before. I will be frank. I have been a flirt, I had friendly relations with at least 25 girls and had sex with 6 girls. I used to do drugs and party. I even had an orgy with other couples. I was not serious in life. I never achieved anything worthwhile thing till I was 25. I was carefree.

I didn't have fear of losing anything of value. In fact, I did not value anything. But since last two years I have changed. I haven't had casual sex in two years. I have come to realize those things never brought me peace. Now, I have met this girl. I treat this girl as my life. I have never felt this way with any other girl. I am scared that she might come to know about my past from somebody else. If she gets to know that, she will leave me.

I have led a bad life, so I can't get enough courage to tell her about my past life. Please help me out. What should I do ? If she gives me a year's time, she will not judge me or leave me, because she will know I have changed. We know each other for only three months.

We did not have sex yet but only kissing if that helps.  Am I cheating her?

Dear User,

We are happy to welcome your Question on AA, the No. 1 Site for Sexual and Relationship Issue. We hope you will get many Answers. Please have the courtesy to “Thank” and give your comments to the Users who have taken the trouble to Reply.

Also,

1. Please complete your Profile if you have not done so. Go to My Account and update your details. Name is not mandatory, but age is compulsory.

 2. Before you ask a new Question, please choose Best Answer for your earlier Question. Wait for 3-4 Answers before you select the Best Answer. If you do not do this, we will not approve your new Question.

3. Once a Question is approved, do not edit it again. If you want some changes, send me a PM (Personal Message).   

4. Do not reply to Old Posts, which are more than 6 months old. It is a waste of time.

5. Finally, do take the trouble to give Answers to questions asked by others. Your solution could shower you with the User's Blessings.

Moderator




Please log in or register to answer this question.

7 Answers

+1 vote
 
Best answer

RS,

The past is the past. There is nothing you can do about it. You have realized your mistake and now repent about it, which is good.

You may think that since it is your past, it has no bearing on your present or future life. But this is not true as you will realize in the future. Though you may not agree with me now, you will see that as the relationship develops, you will get into the mode of comparing your girlfriend/wife with your Ex girlfriends/bedmates. This is human nature. The grass always appears greener on the other side.

Now, coming to your question. Should you tell your “girl” about your past dalliances? This is a difficult one to answer, as only you know your girlfriend’s nature and upbringing. You say she comes from a conservative background. All the more reason for you to think what you should do.

You are trying to impress us by saying you have been friendly with 25 girls. What is being friendly? Have you kissed them? Or molested them by pressing their boobs or fingered them? If none of these, than it is just flirting. I have flirted with hundreds of girls. You had sex with just six of them. That is hardly a matter for concern, as many of us would have had sex with many more than six!

You can indirectly mention to your girlfriend that you have been friendly with a few girls. Be prepared for giving her all the details. Women hate mysteries and she will ask you for all the sordid details.

By the way, if you have been able to kick the drug habit, it shows you have will power and everything should be fine.     

answered Nov 2, 2016 by longhands1 (57,175 points)
selected Nov 6, 2016 by RS
commented Nov 2, 2016 by RS (205 points)
Thank you. My worry was , this thing May be small matter for many people. But she is innocent and on conservative side.. I am not in touch with those folks I used to hang out..well I guess I will take a chance and not tell her. I will however  Just hint that I have had a girl friend. Won't tell too many things.. I am now fully satisfied with her.. Despite the fact she won't let me go beyond kissing before marriage.. She gives me much comfort than any other girl. Will forget the past..
commented Nov 3, 2016 by longhands1 (57,175 points)
edited Nov 7, 2016 by longhands1

RS,

You will always have this fear that she may come to know of your past, but as long as none of your previous flings informs her of the details, she will never know. So keep it that way. No point in rushing to tell her everything as you do not know how she will react.

Thanks for liking my Answeer and choosing it as the Best.

All the Best.

+1 vote
Hello RS,

Believe me, there are very few people in this world who can turn round and say they have led a completely blameless life. Everybody has a past, and while you were single, you made the most of your freedom stop you may not have behaved in a very honourable way, but the fact that you realise this yourself, shows that you have grown up.

Many people enjoy living a hedonistic lifestyle, myself included. I have done things in my past that I am not proud of, but one thing I have never done, is tried to hide the truth from my husband and the people I love.

The truth has a habit of coming out sooner or later, and the more you try to hide things, the worse the eventual result will be when somebody starts dripping poison in this girls ear. It only takes one of your former partners to turn green eyed with envy and malice, and if your girlfriend isn't already aware of your past, the shock of it may do far more harm than anything you may tell her yourself. Remember, those who have some reason to try to destroy your relationship will not stop telling the truth. They will be very prepared to embellish and lie to make you seem even worse than anything you may have done.

It's perfectly clear that you love your girlfriend, perhaps you even see her as being your entire future. If she is to be the girl that you marry and settle down with, then she really deserves to know about your past. If she is an intelligent girl, she will see the difference between you as a foolish and carefree Playboy, and the men that she now has. You have done your partying, you have done your carousing and chasing around. Everything that you have done with this girl proves that you have become a man. In being honest with her, she will at least feel that she knows the difference between the child that you were, and the menu has become, and she can trust the man that you have become, even if she feels shocked by knowing what the child was doing. If she cannot see that, then, painful as it may be, she is not right for you. But if she can accept that the past is past, then she is definitely the kind of girl who would make an ideal life partner.

Telling the truth may sometimes be a scary prospect, but it's better than trying to conceal those things which may come back to haunt you. So, I would suggest that you choose your moment, and then sit and talk to her. If she asks questions, answer them honestly, and once she knows about the skeletons in your closet, nothing that anyone says can do damage to your relationship.

If you do have ideas of asking her to be your wife, make sure you have revealed your past to her beforehand. It would be most unfair to ask her to be your wife, and then, if she has agreed, hit her with the truth of your former life.

Very best of luck to you, and I hope things turn out well, and the two of you are very happy together.

Salma
answered Nov 1, 2016 by sexysalma (14,845 points)
+1 vote
Nobody is saint in present times, some have colourful, dull, interesting and dark past. What you did was before she came to your life and not after. If you do indulge in casual sex, orgy now, then that would be labelled as cheating.
answered Nov 1, 2016 by gr8gaur (780 points)
+1 vote
That was a dark part of your life. If you r sure that was a past thn you don't hv to worry. But you must thanks her to turn u r life back to normal and you must tell her about your past since she might get info about u r past from outside, if this happens,  that would impact more negatively.
If she loves you, she will forgive you, if your past never repeat in your current life.
answered Nov 2, 2016 by SamRin (630 points)
+1 vote
In your narration the word 'My girl' confused me.Perhaps you are talking about your future wife.I lead a stable life,when it was unstable...at your age you should not have indulged in those activities before getting married.Never disclose the incidents of past to her.Side by side never try to unearth her past life.It is useless to expect that your wife will be virgin.Start from the fresh and remain loyal to each other.
answered Nov 2, 2016 by Motilal (4,075 points)
+1 vote

No one would count your past deeds as your cheating on your future wife as she was not part of your life then so what you did was your individual act at that of time. She does not have a right to question your character based on your past since she was not there with you.

However, if you do anything now then it is called cheating. If I were in your place then I would not disclose such things to her since she is from a conservative background. She would not understand this from reality perspective.

If she comes to know it from someone else then you can tell her that you did not reveal anything to her because that was not important for you and you never consider those things seriously. She has to understand that everyone has something to keep secret.

Give yourself time and move on. Forget what you did in the past and focus on your future without getting worried that she will leave you if she comes to know about it. Give her love and affection so she would never think of leaving you in any case. 

answered Nov 2, 2016 by alpesh kapdi (17,965 points)
0 votes
In my opinion, you will not be cheating with her if you do not tell her about your colourful past since you did it before meeting her. I think, instead, you should invest your time and energy in knowing her and if she seems open minded you can gradually open up with her.
answered Nov 3, 2016 by Sonu8637 (120 points)

Related questions

0 votes
1 answer 1.1K views
+1 vote
7 answers 2.0K views
0 votes
12 answers 2.1K views
+1 vote
8 answers 2.2K views
0 votes
10 answers 2.3K views
2,342 views asked Feb 7, 2014 in Questions by ricks25 (430 points)
...