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Which woman should I choose to marry? A widow or an unmarried woman?

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asked Nov 5, 2016 in Questions by Harsh.03 (330 points)
edited Nov 5, 2016 by longhands1

Hello,

My name is Harsh. I am 25 years old and I am from India. I have done my engineering and working in a private firm and earning Salary. My parents want me to marry and I also feel that this is right time so I approved. I registered my details in many offline and online matrimonial services. After sorting many profiles I finally got 2 women to choose from.

Option A). She is 4 years older to me. She is widow and has a 3-4 year old kid. She is beautiful, has fair skin, talks with respect. She has studied only till 12th std. My parents are not opposing this match but they think this marriage won't succeed. My relatives also told me to not marry this women as she is a widow. But I think she knows family values well.

Option B). This women is 8 months younger than me. She is also beautiful and has fair skin. She has done her B. Tech and M. Tech in civil Engineering. She is goal oriented and looks more ambitious towards life. She looks modern. My parent's prefer this woman. She is nice but she has an attitude as well. But I personally feel that this women won't take care of my family.

I am totally confused. Which women should I marry? They both came with plus points as well as minus points. I know life is about adjustment but since this is my Life, I don't want to make mistakes where my marriage is concerned.

Please give your time and advice me which option is betterr with reasons. Thanks.

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5 Answers

1 like 0 dislike
 
Best answer

Harsh,

What does your heart say? Have you interacted with both the women for a period of time? Logically, marrying a Widow with a child, is a difficult decision. What would make it more difficult is the age difference of 4 years and her lower qualifications. But then she could be a true home maker.

Let us take each of these points.

Age difference. It may not seem such a big thing to you at present, but as time passes, the age difference will be highlighted. Presently, both of you may be on the same sex wavelength, but in time her desire for sex may diminish. Will you be willing to sacrifice your lust?   

Her qualifications. Does she work at present? If she does not, will you expect her to do so in future? Her qualifications will hamper her job prospects. Presently the trend is Double Income Families. Are you okay with her being a home maker?

Her child from the previous marriage. You will need to think about the child too. Are you willing to wholeheartedly accept the child as this will impact the child too. The child is still small, to decide what he/she desires. But as the child grows up, it may build a dislike for you, knowing that you are not the father. Are you still willing to accept this situation?

Now, your second option. Everything points to this being a better match. Is she more qualified than you? Hence there will be some attitude. You will need to live with that. Of course, she will be goal oriented and ambitious. She has not achieved her success for nothing. There is bound to be frictions as she will not be so accommodative as the widow. You are jumping to conclusions by presuming that she will not look after your family.

By marrying a widow, you will be breaking many taboos and myths. If you do so, you will be doing Society a favour. But do you have the courage to stand by your convictions.

answered Nov 5, 2016 by longhands1 (63,765 points)
selected Nov 12, 2016 by Harsh.03
commented Nov 5, 2016 by Harsh.03 (330 points)
I met both of them a few times and asked them what's their point of view and what is expected after marriage.

My parents live in a different city but I have requested them to come and live with me. Option A is okay with that. She has only one demand, her child's safe future. And I have agreed to that.

Now option B is living in another mega city all alone. Her mother is living in a different city. She lost her father a few years ago. When I told her about my idea she didn't disapprove but she wants me to join her in her mega city. She demands to stay separately for few years, but my parents are old so I think they need me most now. I'm their only son to look after them.

Both are some what arrogant and self indulgent. I have no intention to do any favours on any one. Money isn't my problem at all. I thinks option A is good but my relatives are opposing this marriage including my sister.

While option B mostly stays away from her relatives and she is has hinted that she does not like relatives visiting frequently. And my sister also disapproved option B.

That is my big head ache.
commented Nov 5, 2016 by gr8gaur (1,480 points)
Then continue with your search, these two aren't the last female breeds left on earth. Ever thought of having a GF or trying atleast?
commented Nov 12, 2016 by longhands1 (63,765 points)

Harsh,

Thank you for liking my Answer. You will be doing a noble service to tyhe widow and your parents. It is nice to see that you have other people's concern at heart. The widow will always be grateful as she would have found a partner not only to look after her but her daughter too. She will also be more accomodative of your parents.

The woman who lives in the mega city will like you to live on her terms. She has already asked you to move to her city. This shows that she will try to have her way in all issues. She will definitely like to be independent as she now is and will refuse to look after your parents.

Dont worryu about the relatives. They are all selfish and are worried about what people will say to them when you marry a widow.  Ask them if they will look afterr your parents and you will get their answer.

All the Best in whatever decision yuou take. 

0 like 2 dislike

A widow woman is more social because she has an experienced and she lived family life earlier so she knows how to talk and behave decently. Unmarried girl is an inexperienced one but that does not mean that she does not have capacity learn family value. You are judging both of them based on their conversations with you but that might be wrong so do not take the decision based on their talk and behave with you.

Will you be able to accept the widow’s child as your own? If I were in your place then I would have selected an unmarried girl for marriage as she is highly educated and career oriented and since she has more plus points than widow from my point of view.

Take family and relatives opinions into consideration and go for it. You can do one more thing, go on dates with both of them for a few times and find out who is more compatible and good for you. Discuss with both of them that you need some time to know each other so plan few dates to go and see who is more suitable to you. 

answered Nov 5, 2016 by alpesh kapdi (20,425 points)
commented Nov 12, 2016 by Harsh.03 (330 points)
Thanks for ur valuable suggestions, and sorry that I can't choose ur amswer as best coz I can't choose two answers as best answer same.time hope u don't mind
0 like 0 dislike
When fresh flower is available then why you will select a widow.She is four years older than you and is mother of small child.You have take responsibility of the child.I suggest you to marry the second girl.Your parents like her.
answered Nov 5, 2016 by Motilal (5,235 points)
0 like 0 dislike
I really don't understand the mentality of people from the Indian subcontinent. We are living in the 21st century, people are more free than they ever have been, to make their own decisions, make their own way in life, and decide their futures for themselves. Why on earth do you insist on following an outdated tradition of letting somebody else tell you who to get married to, and when to get married? All of you realise that your parents choose your partner, not based on whether or not you love each other, but on whether it brings social financial benefits (usually both) to the family. Your happiness is only a minor consideration, so I do you still continue to toe the line and bay mummy and daddy? For  god's sake, how old are you? Are you 5? or 25?

At the risk of stating the blindingly obvious: you married a woman you love!!! If you don't know which one you love, then try meeting up with them, going out with them, and seeing if you have any strong emotional feelings that either of them. Dating websites are common enough throughout the world these days, but anyone with even an iota of common sense meets up with a person and gets to know her before even start thinking about getting married to her. Quite why you people persist with this archaic nonsense I really don't know.

Salma
answered Nov 5, 2016 by sexysalma (14,920 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Take advice from others but main opinion and decision should be done by you.
Your opinion about A is correct though nobody can predict future.
But personally, if i would be in your place, i would go with A.
answered Nov 6, 2016 by sunnykhot (530 points)
commented Nov 12, 2016 by Harsh.03 (330 points)
I want to thank u everyone for helping me out their. Everyone here gives me good idea. I think I should not rush into it I need to reconsider many things before taking any final decision

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