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How to treat my married, woman neighbour friend?

0 votes
2.9K views
asked Nov 10, 2016 in Questions by frank2write (120 points)
edited Nov 10, 2016 by longhands1

Hello to everyone reading this,

I am a 30 year old guy and living a normal life. The complicated part is that almost 5-8 years ago, my neighbor, (with whom I don't interact with even 0.1%) married this fair, good looking woman, and the moment I saw her, I was attracted towards her.

In the initial years, I tried really hard to get to know her better. Well almost after 4-5 years of trial and error, I finally managed to get in touch with her and ever since then we share a very good rapport. We talk about all the usual things, we sometimes go on a small drive with her son, (I almost completely forgot, she has a 5-6 year old son) who is quite fond of me and we sometimes call out to each other and play, she shares her life incidents, her relation with her husband, her in-laws, etc.

She even shares her most intimate and intricate details with me and vice versa. Now the problem is I've become quite fond of this woman and one day I even expressed my feelings towards her, but she just declined it and said that "I like you and we jell really well, but what you're asking is not possible."

I have even told her that "I know you're married and I do not wish to ruin it. I am not even asking you to date me too, but at least we could share a much more deeper and loving rapport on the phone." She never did answer me anything and tried to change the topic. Even after all this she still continues to talk to me like before and even I have'nt changed my behavior towards her.

My question is:-

1.Should I stop talking to her?

2. Should I ask her once again as to what are her feelings towards me? (Although I feel its quite one sided)

3. Or should I just be there for her like I was before and comfort her?

Your Answers please.

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4 Answers

0 votes

Franktowrite,

What makes you think that you can stop conversing with this Lady? And why should you? You are afraid that you are falling in love with her and not able to control your emotions.

You have left out a vital piece of information. Are you married?

You seem to have invested a fair bit of time (5 years ), and energy in getting close to this lady and why should you now turn your back on her. Just because she said NO to your sexual advances. She treats you as a close friend and is able to share her married life’s moments with you.

What do you mean ….share a deeper and loving rapport on the phone? Women are not fools. She knows what you want, as we all do. Are you going to make a fool of yourself by asking her again?

If you enjoy her friendship, be a Friend, without any strings attached. Especially G strings.

answered Nov 10, 2016 by longhands1 (52,560 points)
0 votes
Human relationships can cause problems sometimes. Yours is a good example. There you are, living your day-to-day life, keeping yourself to yourself, then along comes somebody who catches your attention.

It probably would have been better for your own sanity to have left things well alone. If you are really truthful with yourself, the reason that you made friends with your neighbour is because you find her very attractive. If she'd been applying an ordinary -looking woman, you probably wouldn't have given her a second glance, never mind become friendly with her.

Unfortunately for you, she is content enough with her life, with her husband and her son. She may well moan and complain from time to time about her marriage, most people do. It doesn't necessarily mean that she is so dissatisfied that she wants to seek Soleil's in the arms of somebody else. She probably sees you as somebody in home she can confide when she's feeling a bit fed up, a bit dissatisfied with the way things are, maybe when she's tired after an argument with a fractious child. She may even discuss intimate things with you, if she feels confident enough that you would not go telling anybody else about it. Sometimes we need a shoulder to cry on, but please don't make the mistake of thinking that there is an indication that she wants anything more than someone to be a friend.

This lady has made it perfectly clear to you that she doesn't want to talk sexy over the telephone, and she doesn't want anything more intimate than a decent friendship. So stop trying to build things up in your own mind that just don't exist.

As to the questions you've asked:-

1.  there is no reason why you should stop talking to her. She's made quite clear the boundaries of your friendship, and she doesn't expect you to try to push past them.

2.   as I said in the previous comment, she has made her feelings plain, asking her again just shows that you were listening to her, and you don't have any respect for her wishes.

3.if you value her friendship, then you will respect feelings, and be genuine and comfort her when she needs comfort. It does not mean that you should think about taking any kind of advantage offer if she has a reason to turn to you.

Take it from me, if she had any ideas of taking your relationship beyond that of normal friends, she would have given you plenty of subtle hints. As she hasn't done this, don't make any assumptions. All marriages have their ups and downs, and from time to time she might show her frustration about something going on between her and her husband, or her and her in-laws. But just because she might be complaining about something, it doesn't mean that she is dropping you hence that she wants anything from you other than an understanding ear to listen, and maybe to give some friendly advice. If you consider yourself her friend, then be her friend, don't try to be some kind of snake in the grass that will break up her marriage if you get the opportunity.

If she ever tells you that she really is dissatisfied with her marriage, and is thinking about divorce, then you might have grounds to wish the something else, but other than that, stick to being someone that she can talk to in confidence, without having to worry if you have an ulterior motive. From my own personal experience, the most difficult thing in the world if you're a woman, is having a man who is a genuine friend. If you are attractive, pretty much every man you meet always has one thing at the back of his mind, and it taints every friendship you might strike up with a man. It's something that we find it extremely difficult to have to live with. In my case, I know what's going on in the minds of the people I work with, you can see in their eyes. Even my brother-in-law, nice guy though he is, I have read his thoughts hundreds of times, and it always leaves me feeling a little uncomfortable. Consider your friend, and understand that she probably feels exactly the same way as I do in the same circumstances.

Just be her true friend.

Salma
answered Nov 10, 2016 by sexysalma (14,040 points)
0 votes

You should learn how to respect the friendship and need to be matured to handle the friendship with utmost dignity. She clarifies you that she does not want what you want so you should have respected her decision and boundaries. If sex is your goal then you should stop talking to her as I do not think that she will entertain you.

If you want a true friend then she is there for you so first work out what you want from her and then take a decision according to it. I do not think that asking for a second time would serve anything instead it would project you as a pervert guy in front of her. If I were in your place then I would have accepted her decision and would continue to be her friend with a pure heart.

It sounds that you both have different priorities from this friendship. It might be possible that she wants a true friend with whom she can share her feelings and can find out a shoulder to cry on while you want a pussy for you penis to get relaxed. The foundation of your friendship is weak so chances are less that it would survive on a long run. `

answered Nov 11, 2016 by alpesh kapdi (16,930 points)
0 votes

Dear F2W,

After long years of effort you have build a good relationship with a married woman means you have achieved a lot and there are also other scopes are also waiting for you. You have to wait for time to avail these benefits. There is no serious reason to stop talking because she told you know for first time and she did not close other gates for you.

When she is feeling comfortable with you means she has keen interest on you. These interests among married woman are lead to have sexual session. There are cases available in which married and satisfied women couldnot denied to such proposal. This is because you like people are intervening in the transition period in which her husband might be caring her but the way a new lover show care is always different. A senior married colleque in the last office come across a boy and have talk over social media and subsequent phone calls. The boy shown such a tremendous interest with her that the married woman freely went to meet her in her room and spared number of hours during office hours. She is independent to do as per her desire.

Continue the friendship intact so that she will feel your absence. 

answered Nov 21, 2016 by bubu_002 (2,415 points)

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