Please Register and complete your Profile. Age is mandatory. You will enjoy being on this Site.
Welcome to AskAnjali.com India's No 1 Sexual Health Forum. Ask Anjali and other experts & members questions on Sex, Masturbation, Relationships, Love, Affairs, Penis and much more.
Want to listen to the voice of your HOT Anjali Aunty? Click on the "Audio Answers" menu link and listen to her answer all your sexual questions.

13,709 questions

44,241 answers

33,298 comments

63,043 users

The Ask Anjali Team

Sidebar

Why has my husband lost interest in sex with me?

2.8K views
asked Dec 6, 2016 in Questions by Myriam (120 points)
edited Dec 7, 2016 by longhands1

I am 40 years old and a house wife. My husband's age is 47.We have two daughters and their age are 23 and 20 years. In the last two years, my husband has lost interest in sex with me.

When I force him, he does sex with me but he doesn't have any foreplay. In the last six months, we have not had any sexual contact. Why has my husband lost interest in having sex with me? How to get my husband interested sexually in me again?

Dear User,

We are happy to welcome your Question on AA, the No. 1 Site for Sexual and Relationship Issue. We hope you will get many Answers. Please have the courtesy to “Thank” and give your comments to the Users who have taken the trouble to Reply.

Also,

1. Please complete your Profile if you have not done so. Go to My Account and update your details. Name is not mandatory, but age is compulsory.

 2. Before you ask a new Question, please choose Best Answer for your earlier Question. Wait for 3-4 Answers before you select the Best Answer. If you do not do this, we will not approve your new Question.

3. Once a Question is approved, do not edit it again. If you want some changes, send me a PM (Personal Message).   

4. Do not reply to Old Posts, which are more than 6 months old. It is a waste of time.

5. Finally, do take the trouble to give Answers to questions asked by others. Your solution could shower you with the User's Blessings.

Moderator




Please log in or register to answer this question.

9 Answers

0 like 0 dislike
hi,

i suggest you take the initiative in foreplay, instead of allowing him to have penetrative sex directly involve him into foreplay. You can give oral to him so that he gets more excited and lasts longer also ask him to suck your vagina and kiss on whole body so that you can enjoy the other pleasure if he is not interested in fucking you.

Regards,
Sandy
answered Dec 6, 2016 by pune32 (230 points)
0 like 0 dislike
You are still charming at 40.Charge your husband with sufficient foreplay,suck or lick his erogenous zone and talk erotic.Use scanty dress and perfume,it may provoke his passion.If these doesn't yield good result then he may be attached with some other women.Praise his vigour and talk with him about the immense sex pleasure you received from him in the past.
answered Dec 6, 2016 by Motilal (5,530 points)
0 like 1 dislike
Hello Myriam,

Spend time with your husband and discuss normal topics, like movies, stories or something else except family topics. make him relax and give good massage.... you can try Foreplay , sucking etc...

Harsha
answered Dec 7, 2016 by harsha99 (105 points)
0 like 0 dislike

In the first place it seems that age is the issue here and it is quite normal with men and happens with most of the men. One thing you should keep in mind that there is no solid solution for your problem and you cannot get your husband to have sex with you daily or as much as you want but there is a solution if you both put the effort and meet the half way.

You have to discuss your issue and your desire to your husband and let him know how much frustrated you are because of the lack of your sex in married life, ask him to meet the half way so you both can satisfy your need.

If sometimes he does not want to have sex with you then you can ask him to finger you or go down on you, if possible then purchase few sexual toys which can give you satisfactions hundred percent as those toys are really good at using. You both need to sit down and need to look into the matter positively with the intention to resolve it and bring the practical solution. 

answered Dec 7, 2016 by alpesh kapdi (21,135 points)
edited May 2 by alpesh kapdi
0 like 0 dislike

Myriam,

There are several reasons why men start losing interest in sex.  In today's fast-paced world, priorities keep changing all the time. Stress at work, problems at home, managing relationships, all this can take a toll on married Life.

Your Husband must be at that stage of his Life when the stress of providing for the Family, and the thought of marriage of your daughters can cause stress hormones like adrenaline, noradrenaline and cortisol to be released in the body continuously, building pressure on the body-mind mechanism and affecting sex life.

On the other hand, you have been able to bring up your children to a major age and now have more time to yourself and have also reached an age, when your sexual urges are at their peak.  
Keeping a marriage relationship alive and vibrant requires work. It may be surprising to some but as years pass in a marriage, the effort required to keep it alive and vibrant increases.

A man can lose interest in the woman he loves, even his wife. What was wonderful in the beginning of the marriage, begins to fade. Many women notice that their husband has stopped touching them as often and seems uninterested in being with them or even staying married. They pass each other in the kitchen, and he avoids eye contact and simply continues walking, just like you don’t even exist.

Has your husband’s behavior changed only recently or was it happening slowly? If it is recent, you will need to ascertain, if he is having an affair. Do you notice any guilt signs? Is he suddenly spending more time outside the house? Does he go on overnight trips saying it is office work?

His loss of libido could also be due to PE related problems caused by some medication. Is he obese? Doe he suffer from diabetes or high blood pressure? In which case you should encourage him to see a doctor and accompany him.     

Do you dress well and look sexy for him? Is your weight in check? Do you dress up for him?

It need not be only about sex. It should be about flirting. Women are the ones who initiate a relationship through their flirting. Men may approach a woman, but it is usually after he feels he has received some signal (invitation) from her. Wives who wait for their husband to be romantic don't understand that men respond to a woman's cues. If you stop flirting, for a long enough period of time, it's likely that he'll notice some other woman who is willing to fill that void. Take the initiative.

Are you a nagging wife? Do you compliment him on what he does for you? Do you spend too much time with the children and neglect him?

Do you criticize him about his disinterest in sex? Have you ever commented on the size of his penis or the duration of his lovemaking?

In short, you may have to look at yourself and find out where the fault lies. We wish you all the Best.

answered Dec 7, 2016 by longhands1 (68,070 points)
0 like 0 dislike
at his age he could have lost interest what you can do is to masturbate your self  and relive your stress just think of olden days as memory, and finger yourself i am sure that is possible
answered Dec 7, 2016 by bijun38 (285 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Your Husband might be bored on you or he must have so many tensions men won't be i a mood to have sex when they have too many jobs and they tend to take some rest so you need to try out new things seduce ur husband give him a blowjob play with his Cock and make him crazy shave your pussy and make him play or suck it hope u have a good sex life
       -$athya
answered Dec 7, 2016 by Silent sathya (285 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Hello Myriam,

There can be many reasons why your husband has lost interest in having sex with you.

At 47 years of age, he may be slowing down. As he is, by the sound of it, the breadwinner in the family, he quite possibly has to work quite hard to maintain your standard of living,, put your daughters through schooling and possibly college, pay either a mortgage or the rent, and all of the other expenses of life,  which you and I are both aware of.

If he comes home from work exhausted, then often sex is the last thing on his mind. He probably wants to slump in front of the TV, watch the news,  maybe watch a bit of cricket, or something else that may interest him, and by the time that's over with, he just wants to go to sleep to get the rest he needs for the next day's work.

What kind of physical condition is he in? If he has gained  £40 in weight since you married him,  he will be out of condition, and if he puffs and pants when he climbs a set of stairs, then don't be surprised if he hasn't got the energy for an hour or two of passion between the sheets. Being a good and loving wife, ask yourself  a few questions: has the demands of family life resulted in undue stress for your husband?  Have you got into the habit of cooking him the things he likes, to the point where he's gained a lot of weight? Alternatively, as the taken to spending lots of his evenings drinking with his pals? In short, is he physically the man you married?

Now the next bit may be a little bit uncomfortable for you. Find a big mirror so that you can see your reflection from head to toe. Strip off completely naked, and take a long look at yourself. Are you the girl that he married? Do you make a real effort to make yourself look sexually attractive? When he sees United, do you think it makes his pulse speed up, or do you think it makes him wish that he was either somewhere else, or wondering what happened to the girly married? It's a fact of life that some women get so comfortable in their relationship  that they stop trying. I bet that when you first got married, you excised every trace of hair from your legs, your underarms, maybe even removed all your pubic hair. I bet you used to have your hair done nicely, and your make up always looked good.  I bet you had nice underwear as well,  and your feet were nicely pedicure had, and your fingernails nicely manicured,  polished and painted. When you look in the mirror,  are you twice the size you were on your wedding night? Does your skin still have that glow of vitality, what is it just looked tired and worn out? I boobs closer to your navel than they are to your chin? Did that once nice pert bottom grow into something that is now saggy and hanging low over the tops of your dimpled thighs?

Of course, I may be very wide of the mark, and you have looked after yourself and do everything you can to make yourself look beautiful. Many mature women spend a lot of time and effort, not to say money, making sure that they look their best. I'm 36, so I'm only a few years behind you,  but nobody would even guess my age, because I make strenuous efforts to keep myself in good shape. I work full-time, I'm also a part-time university student, and I'm an editor on this forum. I'm also a mum, and I have a very active sex life which keeps me extremely happy and satisfied. But I'm very conscious that if I  ate exactly what I felt like eating, I would quickly gain weight, and I would very soon lose my  powers of attraction, or the very least, diminished significantly.. I make the effort, and it pays off in all kinds of ways, and significantly, it keeps my sex life extremely exciting and frequent.

I'm sorry if this seems like I'm rubbing salt into your wounds,  but sometimes you need to stop and think. Try and work out why it is that your husband has lost interest in sex. And please don't assume that because he is not having sex with you, that he is automatically having sex with someone else. It is possible,  but you would know much better than anyone else, particularly as you know what time he goes to work, know what time he comes home, presumably you do his laundry, and you would be able to smell another woman's perfume. If you look at his underpants, you would quickly detect any semen stains  which would be evidence  of him getting up to mischief.

If he is otherwise a good husband,  then I would think that the chances are  that he is  either just slowing down as a consequence of his age, or he just isn't excited any more.  Something that works for a lot of couples is for you to arrange a holiday,, somewhere away from the rest of the family,, where just the two of you  can spend time together, without the every day  worries and problems.. Your two daughters can take care of themselves for a week or two,  so why not  think about going somewhere romantic..  India is such a big country that you don't even have to go abroad..  A week or two in somewhere like Goa or Kerala  might do wonders  for the pair of you. Long sslow walks along pristine white sandy beaches,  with a sparkling blue sea,  and warm winter sun.. Watching the sunset  over the Indiian Ocean  as the two of you sit drinking cocktails together……… If he still doesn't feel like sex  in those circumstances,   I would be extremely surprised..

Finally, have you talked to him about  his lack of enthusiasm in the bedroom department? Communication is the key to a successful relationship,  and if you have both got into the habit  of not confiding  your problems  and fears with each other,,  maybe he has some  problems  that play on his mind. If he is overweight,  maybe he is diabetic?  One of the more unpleasant side effects of diabetes  is erectile dysfunction,,  and general libido problems.  Men are notoriously bad  that even  wanting to talk about these things..  The trouble with men is that they define themselves  through their ability to have sex.. The moment a man starts having problems in that department,  he feels inadequate,  and many men would rather bury their head in the sand,,  and actually talk about these things with either  the wife, or just as importantly the doctor..  Sometimes it's us girls who have to sstart the conversation, because our men never will!!!

I ssuggest  that after you have spent half an hour stood in front of the mirror,, analysing yourself,  you make a list of changes that you may wish to make to yourself, maybe this includes  cutting down  on sweet sticky foods, deep-fried foods, and all those things that you love,, but you know aren't good for you. Maybe you have to start by  always walking whenever possible,,  rather than taking a taxi,, or if you have a driver, being driven to wherever you want to go  stop take the stairs instead of an escalator or a lift,  and gradually  improve your own fitness, and tone your body up a bit.  If you need to do a bit of personal care, spend an afternoon at the beauty salon  having everything waxed, scrubbed, exfoliated, groomed and polished.  Chuck out your worn and tired -looking underwear, and use it as a good excuse  to get some new sexy little numbers  which will not only look good,  but will make you feel good wearing them..  Treat yourself to a few new  sexy looking clothes,, some pretty shoes that show off the fact that you have had a nice pedicure and made your feet look good. When you like the new you, new can turn your attention  to your husband.. You obviously still love him, or you would have found other ways to satisfy your needs,  so think about how you can spark him into a bit of action. and whatever you do,  whether you need to improve yourself or not,  sit and talk to him..  And please,  listen to what he has to say.. If he says things that you find upsetting,  bite your tongue,, and listen to the message behind  what he's saying,, rather than just the words themselves  stop  if he didn't love you,  you would have a whole more to worry about than a lack of sex,, so anything he says should help you to see  how things can improve  for both of you. Believe me, if you are disappointed that you are not having sex, think what it means to him!!! Most men think with their dicks far more than they think with their brains,  and if is dicks not working properly, for him that is a complete and utter disaster!!!

Obviously,  I have had to suppose  an awful lot of things,,  because I really  don't know what your situation is,  and I don't know  how much effort  you have put into the marriage, and put into your  own self-esteem. So if I sounded critical in any of the things I have suggested,  it is because I am trying to cover  all the most likely possibilities.. My only intention is to try and help,  given  very few details to go on,  I have to assume an awful lot of different things.

By all means get in touch if you wish, both myself and all the other editors  are here to try and help people.  To be honest,  it makes a change to receive a post from someone  who isn't instantly jumping  to the conclusion that they should have an extramarital affair, which seems all too often to be the case these days..

The best of luck  to both of you.

Love,

Salma
answered Dec 7, 2016 by sexysalma (14,920 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Make some sexy movie, give him a surprise. Masturbate in front of him and deep morn. wear some sexy outfit, talk sexy to him. talk sexy about some common friend, whether male or female.
answered May 1 by M_ann16 (320 points)

Related questions

0 answers 419 views
9 answers 9.6K views
8 answers 2.4K views
4 answers 5.3K views
...