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I do not enjoy having sex with my husband. Should I tell him?

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asked Jan 25 in Questions by zoya_khan (160 points)
edited Jan 26 by longhands1

I got married recently. I have sex with my husband regularly but do not enjoy it. His penis size and sex method is not enjoyable to me. I feel that my former partner was much better.

Should I tell my husband that I don't enjoy having sex with him?

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11 Answers

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Best answer
Hello Zoya,

You should tell your husband, but bear one thing in mind: men very touchy about their sexual prowess, and even the slightest criticism, no matter how well-meaning it might be, is likely to be met with hostility. If you know how your husband usually reacts to something that annoys him, you can gauge for yourself what he will say and do when he feels that you are slighting his manhood.

There are ways of talking about this situation, without necessarily causing upset. Rather than being critical, try to steer the conversation around to the things he enjoys within sex, and then start describing the things that you really enjoy as well. Instead of telling him what you don't like, try telling him how wonderful it would be if he does this or that. This is a way of leading him to doing the things you want, and then by increase your own satisfaction tremendously. It would have benefits to him as well, as if you are content and enjoying your sex, you will be keen to have more, and if you do the things that excite him, you are both going to feel much happier with each other. Scientists call this positive feedback, and as opposed to negative feedback (criticising him and telling him how poorly he performs), this is a far more rewarding way of dealing with situations.

As long as his penis is of an adequate size, it really doesn't matter if it is not as big or thick as your previous lover. It just seems more important because you are not satisfied with the way things are. If your husband lands to give you the skills you want, and as long as his size is sufficient to do the job, you will enjoy it. It is a fact that a lot of women never achieve an orgasm penetrative sex, but a man who is a skilled lover understand that in many ways, his lips and tongue are far more useful in producing as breathtaking sensations that we love. If you teach him to perform oral sex on you, and teach him well, is penis size will be completely relevant. If you want something really big, by dildo, or spend a few hours in the vegetable market looking cucumbers!!! The reality is that no man can measure up, either in length or dimension to the last word thickness of an artificial penis, or a suitably sized vegetable as a substitute. There's nothing wrong with having these in the bedroom with you, when you and your husband are enjoying yourselves. He might even find it extremely exciting!!!

Communication is the key to a successful relationship. I'm not just talking about sex here, it works in every aspect of your relationship. If you can sit and discuss things calmly with each other, it will stop anything turning into bubbling resentment or outright conflict. A long and happy relationship starts with good communications. This means listening to each other as well as talking. Sometimes, when we are annoyed about something, you're so busy trying to argue our own point of view that we fail to understand how the other person feels. If you just count of five and relax, then let him say what he thinks, and vice versa, you'd be surprised at how much better your relationship can be.

If you preferred having sex with the other guy, you should have married him!!! But the fact is, you did it, so there's no point in longing for what you used to have, you don't, and you won't get it doing something drastic. You are married to this man now, and as the bow said, for better or worse. It is worse right now, then you need to make it better, and that starts with looking forward, rather than backwards. I'm not saying that you should forget your former lovers, That's just not realistic, but constantly holding up your husband against them and finding him wanting is never going to give you a solution to your current situation. Remember the past with fondness, but remember why you didn't finish up married to any of these guys. This

Other people have commented in this post, saying that you should love your husband as he loves you. If you had an arranged marriage, perhaps neither of you each other, and that is one reason why I am so opposed to arrange marriages. Two people who are thrust together by their respective parents may not even like each other much. Under such circumstances, it must be very difficult to make things work. But again, this is your situation, and you allowed it to happen. If you and he can talk to each other, and you try to be subtle as I suggested at the start of this post, there's no reason why you can't find ways of taking each other very happy in bed.

The very best of luck to both of you,

Salma
answered Jan 26 by sexysalma (14,945 points)
selected Mar 27 by zoya_khan
0 like 0 dislike
Seriously? I have seen that there is nothing offensive for a guy than to tell him that sex with him is not enjoyable.
You need to spice up things between him and yourself to see how you can also enjoy sex with him.
answered Jan 25 by Meenu A R (230 points)
0 like 0 dislike
The answer for your question is hidden in your question itself.

You are comparing your husband's sex method and his penis size with your former partner.

You have to understand that each and every person is different and his techniques of love making also. For instance during sex, assume that you never had sex apart from your husband in your life. Forget about your former partner. Feel the new things in sex.That way you will enjoy your sex life.
Still if you don't enjoy his sex techniques, then don't tell him directly that you don't enjoy having sex with him. It may hurt him. Instead you can tell him to try new positions for change. You can tell him that you have watched one porn video where you liked one position and want to try that. You can choose any position you want him to try on you. See the change by doing this. If you enjoy this, then continue...

Best of Luck
  Raj
answered Jan 25 by Raj Handsome (890 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Hi Zoya, just see some porn videos with your husband and also try some new and comfortable sex positions in your sex life on the basis of mutual understanding between both of you. always remember one thing that love is at the most apart everything in life so love your husband and let him love you so much. I don't know how much do your husband love  you so, apply these trics and enjoy your life. Hope it works. thanks.
answered Jan 25 by Shy Man (140 points)
commented Jan 25 by gr8gaur (1,675 points)
And I guess you had an arranged marriage, right ?
0 like 0 dislike
Yes. You must say it. Because if you are really unsatisfied and want full satisfaction then it's your duty to let him know about this. Actually sexual eagerness of a man lasts maximum 45 minutes but a woman can hold his sex a long time. So though a man ends up in 45 minutes, a women can't. So if you tell him about this problem, he will take cure of that and consult with a doctor. Or he can also use some of the sexual products like desensitization sprays and creams for ever last sex duration. So don't hesitate and discuss with your hubby.
answered Jan 25 by Sameer555 (150 points)
0 like 0 dislike
He is your husband so don't hesitate in talking with him. You can tell him. Please correct yourself..... Penis size doesn't play any role in enjoyable sex It's all about how you both feeling, emotions attach with each other and male technique plays major role in creating environment and take that to peak level.

Are you sure he really loves you? How many years for your marriage? Do you have children? And many more things play it's own role in this situation. So first answer this question so I can help you further. But please don't take wrong step to satisfy yourself.
answered Jan 25 by Ankit cool (960 points)
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if you are this bold, then i suggest the right approach is that you tell your husband he is lacking.

No one can force someone to be physically attracted to someone else..
answered Jan 26 by blind_man (160 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Hi

If you have a former partner, you should have married him and enjoy sex life. Rather, you married another guy for some reason and now you are comparing his size and his sex ability. This is wrong. First love your husband from the heart, then all will be in place., Including your sex life.
answered Jan 26 by Chester (110 points)
1 like 0 dislike

Yes, you have a right to tell him that you do not enjoy it with him if you feel that it is not an enjoyable thing for you but at the same time you should come up with some solutions so you both can enjoy the sex. Sex is the very important part of happy married life so you should not forget that without sex you cannot make your married life happy. You should figure out why you do not enjoy the sex with him and then let him know what you want from him to enjoy the sex.

If his methods are not pleasing then you should tell him that certain things you are not finding pleasing and teach him what you like and what you do not like in the sex. He cannot do anything about his penis size as that is not in your hand so you should not compare his penis with your ex as that is really unfair with him.

However, if you are comparing your current sex life with your past sex life then you should stop doing it as that would not lead you anywhere so stop comparison as comparison is not possible since both the men are different and in different situations with you. Overall, you should tell him that you do not like to have sex with you but not in nagging manger but in a healthy way with an intention to resolve the issue.

Is the sex is not enjoyable with him because you find him unattractive? Was the marriage forceful or against your wish with him? Does he ejaculate early? Do not you guys involve in foreplay? There are many things you should figure out and then address it with him to make your sex life happy. 

answered Jan 27 by alpesh kapdi (21,850 points)
0 like 0 dislike
it's better you discuss the better possibilities to make it good, instead of telling him it's not good
answered Jan 29 by adityaarya (210 points)
2 like 0 dislike
In the beginning my thinking was like you because my ex-boyfriend cock was very long and fat and my super-tight pussy muscles and anal sphincter muscles used to clench his swollen supara very tightly and a lot of squishing sound of fucking come out which gave me great pleasure. My new boyfriend's cock is rather small, no squishing sound come out and I enjoyed less. Then I buy a book on the art of love-making and now I'm fully satisfied with smaller one.

There is a old saying that size doesn't matter, how you do it, it matters. Discuss your problem with your partner without any hesitation and buy a book on art of love-making and I hope that your problem will be resolved soon.
answered Jan 30 by Urvashi Singh (395 points)

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