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Should I tell my Mom about my affair with her Lover?

4.6K views
asked Mar 10 in Questions by sonig22 (120 points)
edited Mar 11 by longhands1

My name is Sonia and I am 20 years old, single living in Mangalore with my mom.  My mom is divorced and had some on and off relations, one of them is with a Professor.  

For the past year, I have started having sexual relations with the Professor as he was helping me with my studies. Just 2 days back, my mom has informed me the that the Professor has proposed marriage to my  mom.

I have not spoken with the Professor since then. I am open to just moving on, but I feel I should tell my mom.

What is your Advice?

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6 Answers

0 like 0 dislike

Yes, you should tell your mom about his sexual relationship with you so your mom can know his moral fiber. You both should stay away from him as he is taking the advantages of both of you so he neither good for you nor for your mom. You both should confront him and then kick him out of your life as you both deserve a better person. Learn from the experience and stay away from your mom’s lovers in the future. 

answered Mar 11 by alpesh kapdi (19,085 points)
commented Mar 13 by sonig22 (120 points)
Thanks for your response, I will talk with her.
0 like 0 dislike

Sonia,

Yes, you will definitely need to tell your mom about your affair with the Professor. Be prepared for this Guy to turn the tables on you and accuse you of making the first move and he could not resist your charms etc. etc.

Your Mom will not be too happy with you for impinging on her relationship, but this will help her to see her relationship with the Professor in its true perspective. It will also ensure that he does not continue 2 timing both of you. He must be thinking of buttering his bread on both sides with the two of you, and may be under the impression that you will not spill the beans to your mother, so that he can continue baking his loaf in both the ovens.

Have you stopped to think, what happens if in spite of disclosing your sexual escapades to your mother, she wants to go ahead with the marriage? He will then become your foster father and since you are only 20 years old, and have no place to move out to, the situation at home could become rather sticky. I have no doubts in my mind that this Guy, your Foster father, will try to continue making advances towards you, which will make your Life a hell.

But tell you must, and then hope that your Mother sees this Guy for what he is. 

answered Mar 11 by longhands1 (60,020 points)
edited Mar 11 by longhands1
commented Mar 13 by sonig22 (120 points)
Thanks for your response, I will talk with her.
0 like 0 dislike
Tell her and maybe prepare to move out and fend for yourself. What do you think will be her reaction ? For god's sake get rid of that man and don't back stab your mom.
answered Mar 11 by gr8gaur (1,115 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Yes you should Definitely tell your mom about this Professor . he has alrady cheated on her,How could he be trusted More.He would not have a long relation with your Mom that is for sure & she would have to Suffer once again.

Go ahead & tell her.All the best
answered Mar 11 by manmumbai41 (445 points)
commented Mar 13 by sonig22 (120 points)
Thanks for your response.
0 like 0 dislike
It appears that the Professor has enjoyed both of you.He received maximum pleasure from your mother,being a matured women.Sex with you is an extra bonus for  him.You don't you posses any right to interfere in mother's extramarital affairs...never spy on mother.Beware from him,he may enjoy both of you in same bed as threesome.Always remain busy with yourself and do something positive.
answered Mar 12 by Motilal (4,735 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Hello Sonia,

This is quite difficult situation. Getting involved with your mother's lover was not a smart move. Perhaps you are doing it with the hope of getting better grades in your exams, but you knew your mum was having sex with this guy, so what were you thinking about? Anyway, what's done is done, and maybe you didn't realise at the time that your mum and this guy was sleeping with each other?

What you really need to be careful about now is that if your mum accepts this guy's proposal, and they finish up married, he needs to understand that, just because you have been having sex with him, it's not still something that he can take advantage of. When he is married to your mum, then his sex life should be with her, not with you. Do you think that your mum has any idea that you have been having sex with the professor? I assume not, or you wouldn't be asking us whether you should tell your mum about your activities. The thing you have to consider is this: you might think that you have been getting away with things, but your mum may be far more observant than you give her credit for. She may well be aware that you and the professor have been involved in a sexual relationship. However, if you tell her that all the time she has been having sex with him, so have you, you might cause her a lot of upset, and it would seem likely that it would wreck any possibility of them getting married stop do you really want to take her happiness away from her?

Yours is a very difficult situation. If everything proceeds to the point where they get married, this will mean that the three of you will be living together. I have to assume that you found this man attractive enough to enjoy having sex with him, so are you sure that the temptation to continue would not be overwhelming? What's more, you are obviously young and attractive, so how do you know that he would not be eager to take advantage of living in the same house as you, and continue having sexual liaisons with you? Some men are unscrupulous enough to threaten exposure, particularly if they feel they have everything to gain, but little to lose by revealing the true state of affairs.

Finally, you know your mum better than anyone else, so how do you think she will react, knowing that her lover is also your lover? So, I don't think we can tell you whether or not you should tell your mum, I think you have to be guided by your own common sense, and knowledge of how your mum will react.

Good luck anyway, I don't envy your position.

Love,

Salma
answered Mar 13 by sexysalma (14,920 points)
commented Mar 13 by sonig22 (120 points)
I am not happy about this I will do what is right.
commented Mar 14 by sexysalma (14,920 points)
Hello again Sonia,

Doing what is right is always the best course of action. All I will say is, make sure that you know what the right causes.

Your mum's feelings are going to be hurt if you tell her about your activities with the Prof, but on balance, it is better that she knows what she is getting if she marries the man. If she chooses to go ahead, once she is in full possession of the facts, at least she cannot turn around and blame you later, if things start to go wrong.

The thing is, the teaching profession is full of people who take advantage of their position to have sex with their students. If he has done this with you, I'm sure it won't be the first time he has taken advantage of a young girl. If he continues as a professor, no doubt it will not be the last time either!!! Men are creatures of habit, and if he's used to philandering with young girls, it's unlikely that he will stop, just because he has got married. You chose to involve yourself with him, in order to make sure you got good grades, so you understood the basis for your sexual liaison is; however, other young girls may find themselves compromised for other reasons.

Best of luck to you and your mum.

Salma

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