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I had sex with my maid 3 years ago and now am worried of the consequences.

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asked Apr 12 in Questions by leosulla (120 points)
edited Apr 14 by longhands1

I have no-one to ask for guidance and am really scared about this, so I have decided to seek your advice.

This happened 3years ago. I had sex with my maid who was married and even had kids. I was around 18 at that time and I know what I did was absolutely disgusting and unacceptable and have no clue what came over me.

To this day I regret and hate myself for what I did. I did it only once and it lasted for around 2minutes. I had unprotected vaginal sex. I was a fool. I blame myself everyday and question what the hell came over me as I did it on my own free will and I was the one who started it.

After about 8months, the maid left and I didn't worry too much about it. But since this week, almost 2 years later, I have begun to freak out about that and get scared whether she had an STD or  even HIV. She was having an affair with another person at that time and that was one reason she was asked to leave.

I am 20 now and I staying with my mother. I am really scared to tell her this because which mother would not be furious with a son doing such a nasty thing? I feel so ashamed of myself and at the same time, I don't want a dangerous disease or something and then dying young.

Please can I get some advice? Should I just tell my mum or hold it in? I can't think straight this whole week due to this issue and feel so lost.

Thanks for listening.

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8 Answers

0 like 0 dislike
Let bygones be bygones and be careful in the future. Its not like you forced yourself on your maid, right? What happened was mutual and though I'm not a big fan of bedding a maid but sometimes things happen. No need to feel bad about it.

Look at few positives buddy. She could have blackmailed you but didn't, didn't ask you for money, didn tell her husband or your parents and lastly didn't cry rape. If she had done any of the things that I just mentioned, your life would have become a nightmare. So no need to feel any guilt !

Lastly, if you're worried about STD then research some more about it and look for the symptons. Are you suffering from rash, headache, sore throat, hairfall, pain in the penis or painful urination in the last 2 years?
Or simply, GET TESTED in a genuine lab but of course secretly, no need to tell your parents anything.
Test might cost you Rs. 1000-2000.
answered Apr 13 by gr8gaur (930 points)
0 like 0 dislike

Leosulla,

I am sure you must be feeling better that you have vented your fears and emotions on this Site.

Relax, Mate. You are hyperventilating for nothing. What happened, happened a long time ago and putting it down here will help to reduce your guilt. If you read some of the Questions here, you will find that you are lucky…..you did not make her pregnant. She left the job, quietly. She did not tell your mom or her husband. She did not blackmail you. It is a closed chapter.  

Now your worry about STDs and STIs. You will find lots of information on the subject here. You can search for it. Just type STD in the Search Box on the right.

All STDs, including HIV have an incubation period and generally manifest themselves within 6 months. It would be wise to get a Test done, not to rule out any infection, but for your peace of mind. The more you read on the Topic, you will find some symptom like a cough or a cold and this will give you sleepless nights. Better to just do the test and relax.

You don’t have to tell your mother about the sex episode ass she will give you more tension.

Just relax. You are fine even if you do not want to undergo the tests. Trust me.        

answered Apr 13 by longhands1 (58,860 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Dear friend you should have avoided sexual intercourse with your maidservant at the age of 18.You might have done hugging and kissing only.How you approached her for sex is clueless.Duration of lasting 2 minutes is not very bad.It is surprising that you are worried about the consequences after three years of non-protective sex.Rest assured that nothing has happened.Be careful in future and use condom.Stop all these activities and concentrate on your studies or job.There is no necessity of telling this episode to your mother.
answered Apr 13 by Motilal (4,320 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Relax.
It has been three years since you had sex with your maid. If she had transferred any STDs to you, it would have shown the symptoms by now. Still to confirm it, you can undergo a routine STD test. Search for it online on sites like Practo. They cost just a few thousands for complete test.
Feel happy that your maid did not blackmail you after sex. Also don't tell anything about this to your mom. Especially till the results come. I am sure you don't have any STDs, but you can confirm to be sure.
answered Apr 14 by Anonymous101 (360 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Dear Leosulla,
It may be wrong or right. it happened in arousal state. you should not feel any guilty now after 2 yrs. it is past and it happened, you know that u made a mistake. regarding any STD you are worrying about. I would suggest you should visit doctor and explain this case. he will check you and you will come to know the answer of your worry.
answered Apr 14 by sheetal69 (115 points)
0 like 0 dislike

I do not think that you have carried any STD otherwise it has been three years and you may start showing sign of the symptoms so be relaxed. There is no need to tell it to your mom as that would not help you so forget it and learn from it. Stop regretting yourself as you cannot go back in the past and can fix it so accept it and learn from it and promise yourself not to do it again with anyone.

If you want to be sure that you are free from STD then get some tests done on you. To be honest I do not think that you are in danger but if you do not stop giving stress to yourself then the stress would be dangerous for you and you may slip into depression too so I would recommend you to go and done some tests so you can get relaxed. 

answered Apr 15 by alpesh kapdi (18,455 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Don't panic. Not everyone is having disease or AIDS. Just be more cautious from next time. If you are so worried, try going for a normal test and if the test comes negative, relax and look forward for a bright future. Your mental status can be understood by the way you have presented your query, but just because she was your maid (poor) doesn't make her full of diseases. Sit and relax. Still if you are worried you can have conversation and i might advice you better.
answered Apr 16 by pparthivsharma (135 points)
0 like 0 dislike

You had a casual sex with the maid before 2 years and didnot made it as a satisfying tool. Its a great decision of stopping by repenting the act. It happens to most of the people and those come out of this are really have control over themselves.

There are number articles in AA that may clarify all your doubts. You are requested to go through these articles.

If the past incident come to your mind repeatedly then go to some place with your friends and enjoy time. As like you didinot continue the relation further, you can also forget these type of situations. Its like traumatic situation which felt you embarrassed. I don’t think its good to share your mother about fact because she would be more vigilant for you after telling this. This would restrict you for meet your friends (girls) in future. If she will take otherwise then nothing would be hamper you. You know your mom better than others. So take your time by going through various discussions in AA and decide what to do.

All the best.

answered 3 days ago by bubu_002 (2,510 points)

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