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My Boyfriend is having sexual relationship without commitment. What to do?

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asked May 4, 2017 in Questions by Ramya.G (265 points)
edited May 4, 2017 by longhands1
Hi Anjali,

I am Ramya, 26 years old. I have friend who is also 26 years old and has proposed to me. I uses to like him so our relationship began.

On his birthday, he asked me to be with him so we went to a hotel, where we ended up having sex. So, like that our sexual relationship began for more than year. Now we regularly have intercourse.

Now a days he doing without condom as he says he gets more friction and feel, so do I. I literally enjoy without condom where as condom feels like burning inside.

Now my question is: Is he not ready for commitment? What shall I do?
commented May 5, 2017 by Tanzeel (225 points)
Hi ramya
I hope ur guess is right bt there are many software available which u can download and easily get back those pic which u delet... on the other hand he will be sweet till u obeying her.. i am not scared u bt try to tell u a there is a way and u have to be careful... i suggest u force him to marry u or it could be so late..



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7 Answers

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Best answer

Ramya,

Presently, your choices are limited. What is your gut feeling? Do you think that he will stand by his commitment and marry you?

From your description, you say that you once liked him, but now are not so sure. Well he has got what he wanted and continues to do so. He has nothing to lose but the relationship. You have lots more to lose.

When you went out with him and that too, to a hotel, it was clear that you knew that sex would happen and may have also been looking forward to it.   

It is surprising that even though you are not certain about the future of this relationship, you continue having sex without protection. What happens if you get pregnant? Or are you waiting for that to happen and then compel him to get married to you? That would not be wise. You may yourself enjoy sex without condoms, but that does not mean that you should be blind to the dangers of such an act.    

You will need to record either conversation or sex with your boyfriend, if at some stage you intend approaching the Law to force your boyfriend to marry you. What you should do is insist on meeting his Family and find out what is their opinion of accepting you as their DIL. Force the issue. Insist that there will be no sex, till he complies.

You are taking a big risk. Of course, if you are enjoying the sex then go with it. But at least insist on condom usage. We have seen so many problems arise due to pregnancy in such cases.

 

answered May 4, 2017 by longhands1 (75,160 points)
selected May 5, 2017 by Ramya.G
commented May 4, 2017 by Ramya.G (265 points)
Hi  longhands1,
1. I don't think so he will marry me.
2. Well I love him, so only allowed him to have me. And yes even somewhere inside myself was looking for sex. I was 25, still was satisfying myself with fingers.
3. He has no issue doing with condom, but I feel burning sensation inside my vagina with condom.
First 4 months we had sex with condom then later we tried once without, we loved without so much we continuing.
4. He records and takes pictures while having sex.
5. I don't be his wife by force or without his consent. So don't want to involve his family, if he only don't wants me
6.yes, I enjoy sex with him. He satisfy me the core. I was not virgin for him. So I can compare sex before him and now with him, which is awesome.
commented May 4, 2017 by longhands1 (75,160 points)

Ramya,

Thanks for your detailed Feedback. That is what we like. 

You have been honest that you like having sex with him. That is fine.

As long as you are aware of the consequences of having unprotected sex, it is ok. Problem will arise when you get pregnant. That time no point in crying.

If he does not intend marrying you, it is dangerous of you to allow him to record the sex. You never know when it will fall in the wrong hands.

Having fun is not a sin, ass you have said in some of your Answers. Go ahead, but be aware of the pitfalls.

commented May 4, 2017 by Ramya.G (265 points)
Hi longhand 1,
So you suggesting me to continue my relationship with him???
Regards
Ramya
commented May 4, 2017 by longhands1 (75,160 points)

Do you really think you can give up sex?

commented May 4, 2017 by Ramya.G (265 points)
No, sex has become part of my life now. Can't control.
0 like 0 dislike

Why he gives you a commitment where he is getting sex without any commitment. I doubt that he shows a willingness to take this relationship to the next level because he got everything without any effort and pain so he must want to continue as it is. Now you have to decide whether you want to continue without commitment or not.

If you are fine in present scenario then there is nothing wrong in continuing but if you goal is to get married and that is why you are allowing his penis to roam inside your vagina then you should make it clear to him and you should take his promise that he will marry you when the right time comes.

If he shows hesitation for the serious commitment then break up with him and find a partner who is ready for the lifetime obligation. It seems that he is with you for your vagina and he is getting so he would not leave you and even would not allow you to leave him as it is really hard to find a vagina these days without any obligation.

The ball is in your court to decide what you want as it seems that he is clear and you are confused or you have an impression that he is into you and wants to make you his life partner so make everything clear and have a clear discussion on the subject so you would come to know where you stand in his life. 

answered May 4, 2017 by alpesh kapdi (22,620 points)
commented May 4, 2017 by Ramya.G (265 points)
Hi Alpesh,
I don't know what to decide, even my parents bringing proposals for me, which I m declining all for him.
I have asked him so many times for commitment, he get silence on that.
Now I can't think of any other man in my life. I m totally confused tat wat to decide
0 like 0 dislike
He proposed to you, which normally means that he made a commitment to you. What type of commitment do you want?
answered May 4, 2017 by Tuff (360 points)
commented May 4, 2017 by Ramya.G (265 points)
Hi tuff,
 1 and half year back, he proposed me saying he loves me, now he shows no interest in getting marry me or promising to marry me in future. He gets silence on this topic
Regards
Ramya
commented May 4, 2017 by Tuff (360 points)
It seems as if he is now having second thoughts about this relationship. Now it is your decision. If you enjoy the physical relationship and do not mind not having a commitment, then you can continue. If a commitment is very important to you, then you can stop this sexual relationship. The most important bit to understand here is that providing him with sex will not convince him to marry you. He might beg you for it, but it will only be about sex. If you really want a commitment, then tell him you need his full confidence. If you having sex in the hope that he will eventually agree to marry you, then he might leave you at a later stage and then you will feel worthless.
1 like 0 dislike
It all depends on what you want.
1. Do you love him and want to be his life partner ?  If yes then ask him ONE FINAL TIME that you'd like to take things all the way and get hitched, if he's not interested then time to move on.

2. If you love him but you think you can have a life without him as your hubby then let things continue, but don't get involved too much so that the inevitable seperation becomes unbearable.
answered May 4, 2017 by gr8gaur (1,810 points)
1 like 0 dislike
Beyond doubt it is clear he is using you as a sex slave or sexual tool he will not marry u  beside he take ur picture and video he will definetly want to continue sex after u get married someone else and if u forbid he wil use that pic video as blacmailing stuff to given ur future husband... u have no chance acccept to become sexual object for him rest of life... its my estimation u can compeletly disagree with me..
answered May 5, 2017 by Tanzeel (225 points)
commented May 5, 2017 by Ramya.G (265 points)
Hi tanzeel,
He takes pic sees them and asks me I wish to delete to delete. So I usually delete them. He is not at all kind of blackmailing person. He is sweet and kind. Tats y I m unable to move on also.
0 like 0 dislike
Hi ..as per your conversations he is having relationship with you only for sx..not more than that..according to ur age you should get married and have kids before thirty..only.  one more thing is that u r also enjoying with himm...u r ina stage like addicted with him for sex...even though...just enjoy till marriage.  Then be faithful to ur partner...
answered May 5, 2017 by dr kalyan (370 points)
1 like 0 dislike
Ramya, from reading the answers & your responses to them I feel you are classic case of the cat wanting to eat the fish but not wanting to wet its paws. You want to have your cake & eat it too. Its quite obvious both of you are there only for the awesome physical enjoyment that you provide each other. This will not last forever, so enjoy as long as it lasts.

Your boyfriend clearly is enjoying without committment and you are letting him to do that because you are also addicted to sex. So where exactly is the problem. The guy will never bring the cow home when it is providing milk without feeding her, so unless you want yourself to be used & then dumped-because he is gonna do that once his parents find a match for him-you need to talk straight with him. Whatever happened in last 1yr cannot go on unless he is ready to commit. If he does- which I am very doubtful he will-great, else you both need to move on in life. Yes for sometime your fingers will feel inadequate but it will save you a lot of heartache & emotional mess later on.

In any no strings attached relation, the guy is most of the time at an advantage so be clear about it. Unless you are ok to sharing his bed till he marries & then part amicably-which seeing your comments I am sure you will NOT be able to-I don't see any point living in denial. The writing is on the wall, you are an educated girl, don't pretend to be an ostrich otherwise you will have only yourself to blame. I am not getting into the pic & without protection part because others have already advised you enough & you are not a silly teenager now doing without knowing the highly risky consequences.
answered May 8, 2017 by nehasona (590 points)

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