I'm Shaan 23+ yrs old. I've just completed my post graduation in computer engineering. I'd like to tell you about my past.
When I was in class 7th, I fell in love with a girl who was in 4th. When I went to class 11, I started talking to her. I proposed to her in 12th and we got committed. She was from a different religion, so we decided to separate. Now five years have passed. I really loved her and never took advantage of her. I just loved her soul not her body. We had a mutual breakup.
After her many girls approached me but I told them “we can be friends". So every girl left me after 3-4 months. I don’t want to be in love again. The problem is that after she left, I used to watch porn daily to reduce my stress. I used to smoke. I used to watch MILF porn. I got attracted to older women. I love watching them in leggings, nail paints rings and get aroused. I get aroused after watching any aunty aged from 25-45 but this feeling develops only in night. But in the morning I regret all that.
There are girls who sexually want me. They used to give their nude pics to me with face hidden, I got aroused that time but in morning, I think of that whether it is appropriate or not. I want to be a good and moral person. I want to divert my mind and I want to live a happy life. Everyone says, that I should be in a relationship with a girl so that I can divert my mind, but I don’t want to hurt anyone.
This is my Life and my dilemma. How to solve this dilemma?