Yours is a complicated Fetish. You have clarified later in your comments that you really want to feed your breast milk to young Boys and there-in lies the Fetish.
If it was only about feeding small children or even your husband, that would be acceptable.
ANR (Adult Nursing Relationship or Adult Breastfeeding relationship) is an arrangement where a partner produces milk to share with the other through breastfeeding. For many, there is a sexual aspect to the nursing part of their relationship, but Adult Nursing Relationships (ANRs) are not strictly sexual. Many simply enjoy the act of suckling or exchanging milk while cuddling or watching TV on some nights, while on other nights the milk exchange may be part of their foreplay or sex itself. This may not be limited to heterosexual pairings – there are many women who enjoy the act of suckling another female partner, too.
People's reasons for entering into ANRs can be wildly different. Some women feel lactating makes them feel more connected to their femininity, or provides some sort of emotional satisfaction — and enjoy sharing their milk with partners.
Adult nursing relationships are often seen as taboo, and thought as "freaks," with commenters quick to point out how "gross" the act is. I assure you, that you are not abnormal. I will give you one instance. I gets lots of PMs seeking advice. There was this woman, who was married. She had a fetish of sucking the penises of small boys aged 3-4 years, and often did it with her small nephews and friend’s children. The reason I am telling you this, is that anything is possible.
You must be having as much trouble trying to explain this fetish as I am about understanding it, ass I presume there is no sexual motive when you want to breastfeed young boys.
It is noble of you to feed the young boys at the orphanage. But keeping your Husband in the dark about this may cause problems. Explaining to him also would be a problem, as he would insist that you feed your own child rather than someone else’s. Surely, you cannot adopt children, without the knowledge of your husband. How old are the boys (?) you want to adopt for this purpose?
Do you get the urge to hold the child’s testicles when you are breastfeeding or is it strictly non-sexual. You have gone to great lengths to stress that you have a loving husband and I can understand the guilt you feel because of this fetish.
Breastfeeding is helped by hormones that are secreted in order to produce a bond between mother and child, particularly oxytocin. Oxytocin is often called the "love hormone," and it helps with bonding, creating a feeling of closeness between partners. It is released during arousal and sexual activity, but even more so during nursing. Not only that, its release produces a relaxing effect for both partners. This is backed up by scientific research, which shows that oxytocin can lessen fear and anxiety by reducing activation of the amygdala. Prolactin, the other hormone produced by lactation, has also been shown to lower stress in the person producing it, with lactating women demonstrating less intense responses to adrenaline.
Are you afraid that you may stop lactating and producing milk? Is that a reason why you want to continue suckling so that there is a continuous flow of milk from your breasts?
Drinking human breast milk by adults is quite rampant. There are Bars in Japan, where men can either buy shots of milk or get it straight from the nipple. It happens not only in India, but also in China and Europe.
I would advise you to get I touch with Effath Yasmin, a Lactation Consultant who runs Nourish & Nurture Lactation Care & Parenting Education in Mumbai, India.