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Article: WEIRD IDEAS PORN GIVE US ABOUT SEX

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asked Sep 11 in Articles by longhands1 (71,455 points)

WEIRD IDEAS PORN GIVE US ABOUT SEX

Most of us must’ve come across porn at some point or the other in our adult lives. Some of us might have loved it. Others have had a shorter history with it, preferring to read erotica more than watching videos. People have even gone off porn a little when they realized how different it is to sex in real life.

But what happens when porn is your only source of sex tuition? Can it give you some crackpot ideas? Make you think that sex should feel and look like that movie you watched at 14 while everyone at home was asleep? Does it make orgasms sound like the person is being murdered? Here, we’ve tried to bust the maddest myths that porn has given its unsuspecting watchers about sex.

Myth #1 What Genitals Look Like

Rohit, 26, brings up the biggest fear porn gave him, and it’s actually something that worries many people — the tricky question of how much penis size matters. “Porn gives you, as a guy, this major complex about having a small penis. It makes you feel defeated from the very start if you don’t have an 8-incher.” Madhavi, 24, agrees. “In all the porn I’ve watched, all the men have huge parts,” she says. “It’s only when I had sex with someone with a massive penis that I realised it can, and often does, hurt when the man is very big. It also creates a hassle, like you need to be more aroused. I find smaller penises easier to manage. You can do much more because there’s less slippage too — it doesn’t fall out as often.”

 

Of course, it’s not just penis size that porn gets wrong. The ‘perfect’ vagina in porn is very often shaved, and clitorises are very pink or light-coloured. In reality, of course, clits come in all shapes, sizes, and colours. Women get wet when aroused, but they may not be like monsoon floods in Andheri always, and might need foreplay or lubricant before sex. Porn makes a big deal out of “squirting” which is when a woman ejaculates liquid during her orgasm whereas most women don’t do it in real life. (Here’s a funny detail. UK banned squirting from pornography, and nobody really knows why.) “Once I did squirt by mistake, but it wasn’t sexy at all. It was like my vagina was farting. I started laughing really hard. My boyfriend said ‘Don’t laugh, this is supposed to be hot’, and tried to make me do it again because he’d seen it on porn and found it sexy. But I couldn’t,” remembers Tanvi. She is still laughing about it, two years after it happened.

Myth #2 What Human Bodies Look Like

Porn also tends to forget that body hair for women is a real thing. The disappointment when you realise that this can make partners ask each other to do stupid things. Eighteen-year-old Tara explains that her first boyfriend asked her to shave down there because he couldn’t shake off the idea, that he’d got from watching porn, that hair on labia is disgusting. “I did the Brazilian wax at a parlour. Not because I thought it would make him happy, but because I thought I would feel sexier,” she says. “But I just felt weird. It looked bald. And then when the hair grew back, I was itching for ages.”

Myth #3 All women love giving oral sex

Another thing that porn simply glosses over is that blowjobs are different in real life. For one thing, it makes going down on a woman and making her orgasm look like the easiest thing in the world, taking a mere three minutes when it could easily take up to 30. 

Porn might also make you feel like every woman loves giving blowjobs, which might not be true. “In porn, almost every girl is doing a deep-throat gag, and keeps going for almost 40 minutes. That’s really not how it works. Every girl has her own way of going down on a man,” says Satish. There’s also the whole “spit or swallow” myth that porn has created, that somehow swallowing the man’s semen makes sex sexier than if you were to spit it out. Amrita, 29, says, “Coming in someone’s mouth is unpleasant and annoying. But porn makes men feel like women love it. And women who don’t might feel they’re doing something wrong.”  

Oral sex is only half the problem. Sometimes, the problem is that porn thinks the beginning and end of sex is penetration.

Myth #4 Sex is all about penetration

Madhavi says, “In all the porn, women moan very loudly when the penetration starts!”

A lot of porn focuses on penetration, which often happens very early into sex. Now that’s boring for many people, for whom kissing and foreplay is the thing they enjoy most about sex. But here’s the real joke.

Often putting the penis in, especially when you’re just starting to have sex, is a real battle. But porn makes it look as easy as sucking your thumb. As a man, you could be worried about lots of things. Whether it’s hurting the other person, whether you are hard enough, and whether it’s actually gone in at all. Or you might not have condoms (porn often doesn’t bother showing you contraception because it isn’t considered sexy) and then decide not to do it at all. Satish, 21, says, “Having sex for the first time is so complicated because you’re handling your own embarrassment and trying to get everything right. And all you have for reference in your head is wham wham wham. In reality it’s like this: ‘Is it in yet?’ ‘Why isn’t it going in?’ ‘Can you put it in?’ ‘Wait let’s put a pillow here and see if that helps.’”

 

Myth # 5 Sex is always smooth and awesome

Even once it’s finally in, porn can give you strange ideas about what your pace should be like when you’re having sex. But in real life, it can go from fast to slow to bumpy, and you might have to start over a few times. N, 27, has this grumpy story to offer about porn. “This happened with a guy I was seeing a couple years ago. Second or third time we were having sex and he told me he wanted me to be on top. I was a bit dodgy then about penis-wala, penetrative sex itself. So I suppose I was clumsy. Mr. Loverman was looking very like thumbs down. I asked him what happened and he said he wasn’t happy with how that had gone. Oh, how is it usually, I asked. I was asking sincerely until I heard the answer. ‘In porn women do it with a better sense of rhythm.’ I was like, kya, is this a Bharatanatyam recital? Bye, bye.”

But not everyone is like Mr. Loverman, and you can work out a rhythm that works for you. But what if it starts to feel like a work-out? Is getting tired okay?

Myth # 6 Everyone except you is a sexual gymnast

Porn can make you feel like you have to go on having sex for unreasonably lengthy amounts of time, that you have to try all the positions, that as a man you have to get erections one after another, or that as a woman you have to have at least three orgasms. But actually, many women don’t orgasm from vaginal sex, and men often do need to take breaks between orgasms. Sometimes you need a break just because you’re out of breath. Pallavi, 38, tells me that her partner, who is 47, has just started going to the gym, and now sex is very different. But before that, he would get tired mid-way. “We would be doing it, he would be on top, and suddenly he would slide off and look like the world is going to end. I would have to get on top, and tell him to stop smoking and start exercising. If I believed in porn, I would dump my man for being a useless fatso.”

 

Myth # 7 Sex always requires a noisy soundtrack

The one complaint everyone seems to have about porn is the fake noises that you feel you have to make so that the other person knows you’re having a blast. “I’m a very quiet guy, and I don’t moan at all in bed. And the girl usually gets weirded out and asks if I’m not enjoying myself. I’m 100 percent sure that’s because, in porn, guys do all these grunts and say horny-sounding things,” says Nishant, 33. He’s not alone in feeling the music-making pressure either. Porn can also give women the odd idea that a constant running soundtrack of delirious moaning is vital, or your sex skills are kachha. Usha, 27, says it’s been so long since her first time at 15 that she hardly remembers anything about it but the one thing that still stands out is the noise. “The first time I had sex, I thought there would have to be a lot of noise. So I ended up moaning a lot. Panting when I didn’t really want to.” S, 25, says she used to feel like she had to moan a lot and do other things, like hold on to her breasts during sex, because porn made it look like “that’s what women do”.

Speaking of what women do, porn seems to have funny ideas about what people do. So here’s the most bizarre myth. Porn will make you think that if you show up to someone’s house for whatever reason, and fidget at their door sab ho jayega.

Myth #8 How To Get Sex

“My biggest problem with watching a lot of American porn is that it made me think for a long time as a teenager that careers like pizza delivery boy, plumbing, and TV repair guy were real things that would get you steamy sex,” says 29-year-old Abhishek.

Okay Abhishek, your crushed professional dreams are not our problem. We’re not saying porn dekhna band karo at all. It can, of course, be a source of healthy pleasure. But it’s true that porn can also give you lots of odd ideas about pleasure and how to pleasure. In real life, sex, like everything else, can be messy, silent, and hairy.

This Article has been copied from Agents of Ishq. We thank them and acknowledge the Contribution.




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