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How to handle my sexually active daughter who is leaning towards Incest?

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asked Sep 23 in Questions by VipinPV (120 points)
edited Sep 25 by longhands1

I am 40 years old and my wife is 35 years. We have two kids, one is a daughter who is a teenager and another is son of 8 years.

This incident started about one month ago. My daughter started talking about sex with me. She used to ask how was last night with my wife? I was really surprised and shocked. She told me that she had been watching the sexual intercourse of me and my wife for many nights. This talk happened many times in the past month. I used to ignore it thinking that it is usual with girls of her age.

One weeks ago, I and my daughter were alone in the house. She asked me to show my manhood. I was startled. She told me that she has seen my manhood and it was very big. She said she wanted me physically. I rejected her need but she was not ready to go back. Then she started kissing me repeatedly. I thought something was wrong. She caught my penis and tried to rub it over my pants.

I shouted at her and after that she is retracted. But, two days ago she again begged me to het physical with her, like I was doing with my wife.

I am terribly confused and need advice on how to handle this situation. Please suggest how to convince her that what she is thinking is wrong?

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6 Answers

1 like 0 dislike
Vipin,

Your daughter is at an impressionable age and is inquisitive about sex. It is obvious that she has seen you and your wife having sex and finds it a pleasurable act. The Human Body (even when it is in the womb) is geared towards sex and only by guidance from Parents and Elders we begin to learn what is right and what is wrong.

Do you all sleep in the same room? You and your wife may be thinking that she is only a child and is not aware about sex. You need to immediately ask her to sleep in another room and lock your bedroom door or have sex only when she is not there.

At no stage, should you shout or scold her as she is young and not aware of the consequences of sex at her age. You have to handle the matter with compassion and patience, but with firmness. Do not make her feel rejected as then she will do something more silly outside the house.

Children are inquisitive. Does she use the PC without supervision? Some girls do mature early and if she has already tried masturbating, and she would find those sensations thrilling.

You need to involve your wife in this counseling. While your daughter may not be happy that you have told your wife, you have to tell her. Your wife needs to talk to her and explain about sex to her. Do not hesitate to tell your wife. Together you both will find a solution. The longer you delay in telling your wife, the more problematic it will become.  

Find out the company your daughter keeps. Sometimes the company of older girls can also fire the inquisitiveness in her and her wanting to experiment. You will also need to keep an eye on both your children, as she may entice your son too into sexually experimenting and fondling each other. As for yourself, try to ensure that she is not alone at home with you, so that such a situation, that you have described above, does not repeat.  

It is good that you are a responsible father and have not given into her demands. If you show any sign of weakness then she will later on blackmail you about telling your wife and you will be in big trouble. It is nice to know that you trust AA with such a delicate problem and hope to find a solution here.

Do not feel ashamed to take your wife’s help in the matter. You may require to consult a proper child councilor who has experience about these matters. Do not delay.
answered Sep 24 by longhands1 (73,065 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Vipin

Narrate to your wife. She will take care.
You have not mentioned whether your daughter has come of age.
Normally sufficient briefing is being done to the girl by elders, mother, your sister, grand mothers when the female come of age. In some communities, the transition into womenhood is being conducted as function / ceremony.

All you need to do is tell to your wife- she will take care.
answered Sep 25 by solliadi (1,410 points)
0 like 0 dislike
It seems that there are some issues with her mentality so I would say she needs to see the therapist for that. Whenever she tries to do something with you shout at her and tell her she is wrong and she should control herself as she is young and she has to focus on her career.

If possible then send her to the hostel for the study so she can focus on other things more. Make sure that when you have sex with your wife, she is unable to see you guys having sex. Discuss the issue with your wife and ask her to talk to her or hear what she has to say about it. You should not take her actions lightly and show your anger to her that you are upset with her behavior and you never expected such a behavior from her.
answered Sep 25 by alpesh kapdi (22,120 points)
0 like 0 dislike
consultation is needed. And let your wife deal with it tell her everything divert her to make a bf instead.
answered Sep 25 by myselfarun (760 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Dear Vipin,

I understand your situation. You can try talking this out with her and explain to her the truth. Or you can be a bit strict when she brings up sexual topics and trying to start a conversation on it.

I would recommend you to take her to a psychiatrist and deal with this ...as they would counsel her and things could change. Please do not inform your wife about this as things could get worse.

The situation is too risky. You can just trick your daughter that you are taking her out for ice-cream or movie and just take her to a psychiatrist or you could get her an ice cream AND take her to a psychiatrist.

If anything gets worse ..just support her and ask her to get a boyfriend.
answered Sep 28 by Darius (230 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Dear friend,

You are facing a peculiar situation. That should be tackled tactfully. Trust your wife and tell her everything. Find out an easy solution. What is age of  your daughter, may be between 13 and 17?

Both of you have committed mistake, otherwise she would not have seen you doing sexual intercourse. Tell and convince your daughter that it is a game of adults and played between married couples for pleasure and reproduction.

She may choose a boy friend on becoming adult and mature. It is unlawful to do such things with father.
answered Sep 28 by Motilal (6,210 points)

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