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Article: Guide to first time sex

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asked Nov 17 in Articles by longhands1 (73,095 points)

Guide to first time sex

There can be a lot of pressure when having sexual intercourse for the first time. Having sex with someone just because you want to lose your virginity, or because you think all your friends are doing it, is something you may regret later.

You might feel lots of anxieties, especially the first time you have sexual intercourse. You may feel embarrassed about how you look without your clothes on, or worried about your privacy being disturbed. It's natural to feel some worries but good communication will really help to prevent you feeling embarrassed or worried. You should be able to talk to your partner about how you feel about having sex for the first time, and about any concerns you may have. Your partner might be worried, too. Being relaxed and able to share things with your partner will really ease the tension. And if you're too shy, or you're not able to talk about these things with your partner - then you probably shouldn't be having sex!

There are a lot of things to consider when making the decision to have sex for the first time. Here are some of the things one should think about before having sex, as well as some of the concerns that can come up for after having sex for the first time

Is this the right decision for me?

Many young people experience a lot of pressure from their peers to engage in sexual activity. While sex can be very fun, with it comes a lot of responsibility, and you should really be sure that you are ready for it. Make sure that this is something that you want to do because you want to have sex, not because someone else expects you to.

If you aren't sure whether you're ready, then you're probably not. Don't feel pressured by your friends . . . just because other teens say they've had sex, doesn't mean you have to. And anyway, are you sure they're telling the truth? Never do anything that both you and your partner aren't totally comfortable with.

What's important is that you feel good about yourself and what you are doing, and that you keep yourself safe. Being safe means not only thinking about physical risks such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases but also the emotional risks
.

Take precautions

If you're mature enough to be thinking about having sex, you should be mature enough to be able to discuss condoms. Just because someone's a virgin, it doesn't mean they definitely don't have a sexually transmitted infection such as HIV, although it does reduce the chances.

Is this the right person for me to have sex with?

Some people may be ready to have sex, and it does not matter to them who the first person is. However, be aware that after having sex with someone (especially for the first time), you may become emotionally attached to them. If your virginity is something that you hold to a very high esteem, we hope that you decide to share your first experience with someone you really trust and care for.

Are you prepared?

Sex is something that should be planned, and not spur of the moment. You need to be responsible for your safety with adequate protection. This may include carrying around a condom to use when the moment arrives, or seeing a doctor about starting in on hormonal birth control. Using both methods would be preferable, as a hormonal form of birth control is more reliable for preventing pregnancy, and condoms are the only reliable protector against STDs and STIs. 

Is it normal for me to bleed?

Many women bleed their first few times having sex; many women also do not bleed at all. Either way is completely normal. The bleeding that some women experience is caused by the tearing of the hymen, which is a thin piece of skin that covers the opening of the female genital. As you have intercourse, the hymen is usually torn, and pushed aside to allow room for the male genital. Sometimes, this results in bleeding. Many women bleed the first few times they have sex. This is nothing to be concerned about, as the hymen is still being pulled in new directions.

Many women do not bleed at all their first time having sex. This is not to say that they are not virgins, it merely means that they have already torn their hymen during a different activity. The hymen may be torn through such activities as gymnastics, bicycle riding, or even inserting a tampon. Scientists are not even convinced that all women are born with hymens.
Therefore, during your first time of having sex, the presence (or lack thereof) of blood should not concern you.

Note: If you continue bleeding heavily after your first few times having sex, or if you continue bleeding many hours after your first sexual experience, please consult a doctor.

Can you get pregnant your first time?

Yes! You can get pregnant whenever you have sex, and it doesn't make any difference if you do it in a bath or standing up, either. If you don't feel ready to be a parent, use use effective birth control right from the start.
 

If he "pulls out" (before ejaculation) is it still possible for me to get pregnant?

Once again, yes. Males secrete "pre-cum" fluids long before they ejaculate, and the pre-cum usually contains sperm. "Pulling-out", also known as "withdrawal", is NOT a method of birth control.

Will it hurt?

Many girls worry that it will hurt when they have sex for the first time. It can hurt, but often not a lot, and some girls do bleed a little bit. The bleeding usually occurs because the girl has a hymen which breaks the first time she has sexual intercourse.

The hymen is a small piece of thin skin which goes across the opening of a girl's vagina and protects it when she is young. It has some gaps in it where the blood can come out when she has her period. Sometimes a girl might already having broken her hymen without knowing about it - this can happen as a result of playing sports or bicycle riding.

Sex the first time shouldn't hurt for a boy, but he can make it easier for his partner by being gentle and taking it slowly - try to make it special for you both.

Some women enjoy their first time having sex. However, do not be discouraged if this is not the case for you. In almost all cases, the subsequent sexual encounters get better, and more enjoyable. There are, however, ways for you to avoid an unpleasant first experience. 

Tips:

Be sure you are in the right state of mind. Make sure that sex is something that you really want, and do not feel pressured into it. If you are not psychologically turned on, the sex will not be as much fun. Also, try to get any negative thoughts on sex out of your mind (any guilt you might feel, for example).

Be sure you are fully aroused. Spend a lot of time doing foreplay, and try not to rush it. The more lubricated you are, the more enjoyable the sex will be.

Use extra lubrication. A lot of the pain experienced during sex by women is caused by a lack of adequate lubrication. You may naturally be nervous your first time, which may prevent you from becoming fully aroused. Using extra lubrication, such as KY Jelly or AstroGlide, will ensure a smoother first sexual experience.

Use protection. Sex without worries of pregnancy and STDs is always more enjoyable, even if it takes a few moments away from foreplay to get set up (put the condom on, use spermicide, etc).

Is it legal?

The age of consent differs between countries. India's age of consent for heterosexual sex is 16 except in Manipur, where it is 14. If the partners are married then a lower age of consent applies (13 in Manipur and 15 elsewhere) Its illegal to have sex if you are below these age limits

So why do we have a legal age for having sex? Because this is the age when the government believes young people are mature enough to handle the responsibilities that come with having sex. All too often people think they are ready when they’re not. Age of consent laws are also designed to prevent older people from taking advantage of children and young teenagers who may not understand the consequences of having sex, or even what sex is.

What is virginity?

A 'virgin' is traditionally seen as someone who has never had sexual intercourse before. However, people have different ideas about what 'losing your virginity' means. For some, it's simply having heterosexual sex for the first time. For others, it can mean having any sort of sex – including gay or lesbian sex – for the first time.

Does oral/ fingering/ anal/ masturbation count as losing your virginity?

This is a difficult question, and again, people have different views. Whether you think these things 'count' or not, don't forget that all of them can transmit STDs. And whatever you think 'being a virgin' means, remember that the most important thing is making sure you're ready before you do anything sexual.

She/ he is not a virgin but I am

Don't let that make you feel inferior - being a good lover is about sensitivity, not experience. And the advantage is that you don't have the pressure of being their first. He or she's more experienced - that's a good thing, your partner knows what to expect.

Won't I look inexperienced if I admit it's my first time?

No - be honest with your partner; let them know you haven't been with anyone else. There's nothing embarrassing about saying "I'm a virgin!". If you're close enough to someone to be thinking about having sex, you should be close enough to be able to talk honestly to them. If they know it's your first time, your partner will know to go easy on you.

Will we be able to enjoy it?

First-time sex doesn't always hurt, but it isn't guaranteed to be great, either. Some couples say that on their first time they both enjoyed it, other couples say that neither of them had an orgasm. It's an individual thing, just try not to expect too much from your first time - like anything else, it takes a while to learn about your body and about your partner's. Just make sure that you're ready and you've got contraception sorted out. Talk to your partner, try to make it special and enjoyable for you both.

Feelings after sex.

If you have had sex for the first time then there may be a lot of feelings going on in your head. If it wasnt planned or it was something you felt pressured to do then you might feel bad or regret it happened. Your expectations will effect your feelings too. It will also depend on whether you were able to use contraception properly.

Whatever your experience, things can change. Talking about it can usually help you get over any embarrassment or worries. You might feel your relationship has reached a new and special intimacy.

If you have had a bad experience or it changes your mind about having a relationship with the person you had sex with, it doesnt set a pattern forever.

You don't have to have sex with them again, or with someone else. If you didn't use contraception you don't have to go on not using it in the future.

HAVING S-E-X FOR THE FIRST TIME FOR BOTH PARTNERS:
How do I have "good" sex?


What follows is not a set of rules. Rules about sex are impossible-- what should matter is that what you do makes you feel good. And "feeling good" should last past the sex itself-- you should not feel anxious afterwards about getting her pregnant or catching some horrible disease, so planning ahead about contraception and safe sex is part of the idea.

What time should we have sex?

When you have sex doesn't really matter. What should matter instead is that you and your partner have sex when you are both comfortable. Some people prefer to make love at the break of dawn, some in the afternoon sun, some in the darkness of night. More important than time of day is the time you have to spend. Give yourself a lot of time to have sex the first time. A weekend is ideal, but at least the whole day, including sleep time.

Should we eat or drink anything before sex?

Avoid eating a heavy meal, since that'll just make you sleepy. Eat light, don't drink too much alcohol, if any at all. It may help you shed inhibitions, but it may also make his *****ion much more difficult to achieve and you want to spend more time in the bedroom than the bathroom anyway, right?
Where should we have sex?

Where you have sex is probably a more important decision. Finding a place where you both can be private for up to forty-eight hours can be difficult at that age where most people are planning on losing their virginity. But it's worth it. Cars are no longer big enough to have sex in, and the outdoors has less privacy, bugs, sand, and pine needles.
A bed is probably the best thing to make love in, still. Hopefully you'll have a room to yourself, with all the amenities that a bedroom affords, including heat, comfort, space, and the bathroom. Take a shower together! If you're about to have sex, you've probably had your hands all over each other before now. Get to know each other's bodies. Take your time. That's what lovemaking is about.

What do we need to bring?

Bring what you need to make you comfortable. Birth control, condoms, maybe your favorite pillow or a bathrobe.

Will we come at the same time?

Don't worry about making orgasm simultaneous. Some women do not orgasm during intercourse until they have gained experience, and even if you both are capable of climax, the odds are very much against the two of you coming together the first time. Enjoy yourselves, and rely on one another to tell the truth about what is pleasurable and what is satisfying.

FOR HER:
What do I do first?


You can't expect him to know what makes you feel good. You'll have to tell him or show him, and that may mean taking some of the initiative, taking his hands and placing them where they make you feel good. Don't be afraid to ask him to "be gentler" or change positions. Go slow. If it's his first time, he may well be totally nervous about what you're about to do, and his penis may not respond at first. Patience, gentleness, and understanding are required to bring it back to life, and that may be hard for you to achieve, but that's why we told you to give yourselves lots of time.

Will it hurt?

You have probably heard horror stories about how much losing your virginity hurts. For a few women, it does, but with the right touch and the right partner, you should be able to take his penis into your body without pain. Have him take his time, use a lubricant, and press his fingers into you, opening you up slowly. Tell him when it feels good and when it hurts.

What position should I use?

Many women prefer to have sex the first time being on top, where they can control the first entry. Others want to be on the bottom and give their lovers that control. Choose what's best for you. Just remember to tell him to go slow, take your time, and if you feel the need, use a commercial lubricant like KY Jelly.

FOR HIM:
What if I can't get it up?


It may sound funny, but your penis, which has worked great for years, may suddenly go on strike at your first chance at "real" sex. That's natural-- you're nervous. Take a deep breath. Do something else for a while with your hands, your lips and your tongue. Try to forget about your anxiety, and your penis will respond. It's only a temporary thing.

Should I tell her if I'm a virgin?

Many men think that because they're men, they should be in charge of the sex, regardless of who has the more experience. If you're a virgin and she's not, tell her, and let her lead if she wishes. This is as much a learning experience as a loving one. Don't be afraid to confess the truth. A lot of women would rather know that your fumbling is inexperience, rather than just sheer ineptitude, and will gratefully show you the ways of the world.

What if I orgasm too soon?

If you actually climax much too soon before you wanted to, take your time, take a nap, and try again. The second time you should be much more relaxed and ready to take your time-- so will your penis.

Am I big enough? Too big? The right shape?

Size of the penis is a common concern. The average penis is slightly more than five and a half inches in length when erect, and that's more than enough to hit every major nerve center of the clitoris and the vagina, the legendary G-spot included. The vagina is capable of stretching to take a large penis, or shape itself to pleasure a small one. Size has very little to do with your ability as a lover.
Another common issue is shape. Some men become concerned because their penis bends downwards, or to the left, and assume that because they never see men like them in erotic movies that they're not normal. Others worry that a downward bend will make sex difficult or painful because the vagina isn't shaped with that bend in mind.
Keep in mind that sex can be performed in any number of positions. The penis and vagina can be matched in many different ways, and each new position can bring new pleasures to you and your partner. Some people believe that a downward-bending penis is much easier to perform oral sex upon.

Will I be a good lover?

Being a good lover doesn't happen automatically. With the right partner, time, care, and practice, you have everything you need to become a great lover. Your first times, for both you, will be fumbling and awkward, but hopefully they'll be the start of great times for the rest of your lives.

featued question



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Hi,

Its a very good article. In fact I was successful in my 3rd attempt to penetrate my gf. Every time I would try my dick would go down n the condom dries off for the simple reason that it gets rubbed in wrong places, resulting in impossible penetration.

I was successful the 3rd attempt as I tried it without condom immediately after my gf gave a bj. Now I realise that lubrication is the key to successful penetration.

So the base line is try a warm up match before the final one.....hahaha haha
answered Nov 18 by letschat0921 (815 points)

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