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What shall I do if my husband comes to know that I am not a virgin?

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asked Jan 20, 2012 in Questions by namratha (140 points)
closed Jan 30, 2012 by Anjali
Dear Anjali aunty and others,

I had previously posted one question regarding how to end my relationship with my office colleague and I received nice and valuable responses and I am very thankful for that.

Now my marriage has been fixed in the month of February and my fiance asked me in the phone whether I am a virgin for which I told yes I am a VIRGIN but I lost my virginity long back with my office colleague.

I am very scared now, what will I do if my husband comes to know in the first night that i am not a virgin and what to do if he comes to know about my previous relationship.

I am totally confused and crying a lot, please help me AskAnjali members and Anjali aunty.
closed with the note: Enough Answers recieved
commented Feb 18, 2013 by vikrant_ind (100 points)
I think this is an old post, but i thought i ll respond. I got married a few years back and my wife told me lies that she was a virgin. I found out she was not. She had sex with her boyfriend several times and she confessed it a couple of years down the line. The lies tore me apart. it was not being virgin or not, its deceiving someone. If virginity is important for someone dont question it as some people on this forum do. If you dont like the idea, move on from the guy. Anyway it still hurts !! My suggestion for all the men / women, please say the truth for god sake !!



11 Answers

1 like 0 dislike
Hey I will tell you  a story of a person known to me
Because of his religious convictions, he told her he was a virgin and would not marry any woman who was not a virgin as well. She lied of course, they got married, had 2 daughters and 12 years later, he found out that she was lying to him. Even though there was no evidence that his wife had been unfaithful to him during their marriage, still he felt betrayed even though there was  no marital betrayal but  it is not the acts of betrayal that hurt the most, but the lies and deception that were perpetrated with the intention to manipulate the other person to get married that hurt the most. It makes the wounded spouse wonder if the marriage itself is nothing but a big lie. in turn he divorced her, because it hurt him that much. Marriage is based on trust not on lies and fooling the partner. Tell him the truth,if he can accept you for what you are then marry him, else let him go, there may be some one else for you.
answered Jan 20, 2012 by pussycat (3,855 points)
0 like 0 dislike
I never knew virginity is still seen during marriages.. News to me.. I thought ppl r becomin broad minded n dint care abt all these.. I guess ur guy s broad minded.. So tell him.. If he accepts u, then he s gud n modern.. If he doesnt, he is a country brut from 1850s.. N if u hide from him n if he comes to know thru someone else, u r doomed.. So think wisely..
answered Jan 20, 2012 by hades (2,670 points)
0 like 0 dislike
It wud be better to tell him truth as if he come to knw this from any other source (your colleague) then it would surely make your married life depressed as hell. So be brave and tell him truth
answered Jan 21, 2012 by Sandyhima (595 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Dear Namratha,

First congrats for your wedding.

Go as per the links suggested by Mr Oye you will find some useful comments and opinion .

But the bottom line of any successful wedding is faith , trust and good comprehension of one another ,if he accepts you fair enough but if he don't at least you know your relation is not based on lies.
answered Jan 21, 2012 by dan (2,350 points)
0 like 0 dislike
pussycat has given a nice analogy and suggestion in the post above................I agree with the fact that lying for manipulating the future spouse is not acceptable!!! It is better to tell the truth!!

Your would-be husband clearly values virginity,otherwise he wouldn't ask such a question. So,if you start the relation with the lie about your virginity,it would be very hurtful for him later on(if he ever comes to know about it).

As the relation has not started yet,you would rather tell him the truth now!!!!! If he likes you,he will accept you as you are-a non virgin!

Marriage is a matter of faith. Don't start your married life on unfaithfulness,deception or lies..........!!
answered Jan 21, 2012 by elitely (595 points)
edited Jan 21, 2012 by elitely
0 like 0 dislike
Dear;
 let the past rest in peace wat u did in past may let be a night mare; wen u alredy lied to ur husband den its wise u just maintain it;just maintain ur hubbys faith here after lifelong;
 all d best for ur marriage;tk
answered Jan 21, 2012 by darshan-jai (710 points)
0 like 0 dislike

After deleting all my post on this question, let me give the links again, just like before I dont think you will come back with a reply, so no point suggest anything.  

You can follow what Dr. Rina suggested, good cheating advice.

 

http://www.askanjali.com/42508/how-can-i-hide-non-virginity-from-my-husband

http://www.askanjali.com/49432/would-my-husband-know-i-am-not-virgin

answered Jan 22, 2012 by oye (25,670 points)
0 like 0 dislike
no1 in d world can chech as u r virgin or not till d time it is told by u.hymen is not a big issue today so dont worry be happy n follow d links provided by oye.
answered Jan 22, 2012 by PINKU_U80 (590 points)
0 like 0 dislike
dear namrata. Don't spoil your mood and life by thinking what ur husband will do if he comes to know u r not virgin. if ur husband is a kind of person who understands u, then he wil not doubt on u. Try to build trust with ur husband.

As already many have suggested, there are many ways for hymen to get rupture. Since u r getting married, make it a memorable time n don't worry.
Congrats.

Bin
answered Jan 22, 2012 by bin (2,365 points)
1 like 0 dislike
Dear Namratha,

I am going to advise u on something, on which I have already advised two of my close relatives on, in similar sort of situations.

Whether ur husband makes out or not depends on his sexual knowledge. I am naive person, but from public contact field so I know people. But simply putting, If I could make out so could others.

Take some precautions, alum mixed with warm water causes shrinking of muscles. use that at least for 15-20 days regularly, before marriage. Mail me so I can give u details. This would create tightening of ur vaginal muscles.

Moreover, bring innocence in ur touch and ur response. Use Kegel exercise to block penile entry while he penetrates. React as if its ur first time. Men are stupid, and can be beguiled by women.

Never ever accept prior or post sexual relations even if ur hubby suspects or asks. The hymen does rupture, in various exercises and sports.

Just think ur a virgin and act likewise. remember, first time isn't enough, ur husband should struggle while entering you at least for 2 weeks.
answered Jan 30, 2012 by sinistersam88 (415 points)
edited Jan 30, 2012 by oye
commented Jan 30, 2012 by oye (25,670 points)
Your mail ID deleted, please dont write any contact details in your reply.
0 like 0 dislike
First of all congrats..
Acc to me its not easy for a grl to admit d aktul reality coz of by knwing d truth he may step back and hence grl's family respect wl spoiled up whn d fact came to knw by d society

So jst try to knw in ur convrsatns that if he wl acpt u whn he cm to knw d reality,if u find that he is d one who wl leave u by knwng  realty thn btr to kp quiet.coz its btr to stay silent rathr thn to make fun of urs n ur family in society. Nd leave all d thngs on behalf of ur luck for 1st nyt(if he cm to knw u r nt vrgn,u cn gv ny xcuse for lose f vrgnty lyk whle playng games etc.)
nw choice is urs
ol d bst:-)
answered Jan 30, 2012 by Sexstudy (175 points)

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