What Should I do now with my girlfriend?

Question

Dear Anjali and all,

I am a 24 years old male. I and my girlfriend had an affair nearly for 1year. She also had a ex love affair which prevailed 4 years before she broke up with it.After that her ex boy friend went abroad.So now even during our affair she broke up lying on many things because of her past boy friend's arrivied to homeland.

But I forgived her and started the affair as she explained me that her parents won't let her to marry him and she want to start the affair again.But again she told me few months later to stop the affair just because she can't forget her ex love.But it is hard for me to forget her and still my heart is ready to accept her.

Dear all.. Please Tell Me what should i do?

Answer 1

You need to understand her nature first. It looks like,she's not completely monogamous type of person! She is not even maintaining serial monogamy type relations! It looks like,your girl friend is a promiscuous type of person and wants to keep relation with multiple mates. She would keep swinging like this between partners,and won't be able to decide which one to finally choose!

Now,if you can't accept her lying,breaking up and coming back again,keeping parallel relations with another male,etc,you need to talk with her about that! Tell her that you won't give her a second chance if she breaks up again or meet the guy again!!

However,if you want to accept her the way she is now,then that is another issue! May be,you could let her think about that guy romantically! May be,you could accept that she would keep relation with both of you. This may seem strange to you,but some people do let their loved one to have multiple relations!!

The point is,you have to take firm decision-whatever that is! Otherwise,you will remain in an unhappy relation,and stay sad in this relation as long as it is there!!

Communicate with her about your feelings,thoughts and wants openly and honestly! See what she has to say and what she actually does! Also,ask yourself what you want,how far you can go in this relation.....And take steps accordingly!!

You have to decide whether you want to have this relation and stay unhappy in the days to come,or you would accept things as they are,and try to be happy accepting everything as they are!

Answer 2

I think, after getting your friendship,she observed your behaviour, your lifestyle, now she is comparing you both for her better future life n desided to go with him. she have rights to choice her life partner.  better to leave  her.

Answer 3

You are in relationship since one year and still your girlfriend reminds her first love and wants to leave you !!
That's a horrible situation..
I think it will be better if you forget her because if your marriage happen and she will find a chance to meet her first boyfriend, at that time she may betray you..
So better to keep your leg far away from mud before it sticks on your leg..

Answer 4

Dear NlP,
This girl used you to forget her past. Thats pretty clear she was hurted when her ex went abroad and she came to you for emotional support. And when he came she again started dating him.
Mistakes are done once. Continusely repeating mistakes is said to be a habit. And she is continuing mistakes.
Her nature clearly describes that she still have a soft corner for her ex boyfriend.
The foundation of love is faith. And your partner does not seem to have this particular quaitlity. I don't think she is trustable. She is behaving like a pendulm. If you trust her again she will again do the same thing and return back to you say that 'MY PARENTS WILL NOT ALLOW TO MARRY HIM'. Just think  your relation is going on this fact that her parents are not allowing her to marry him. Thus she need someone  and thats you. All I can say is step out of this relation. Give some time to yourself and search for a dedicated partner. It hurts but you have no other option.
Good luck brother may god help you.

Answer 5

Dude! Were u in a relationship or an affair??
Use the proper terms..
Relationship is the one in which there is emotional and physical bondage between two people where love exists and usually goes to marriage.. It is permanent one.. (girlfriend)
Affair if a secret sexual relationship with another person without marriage or intentions of marriage with that person.. It is temporary..(fuck buddy)
If its an affair, jus forger her and find next.. There are a lot of females out there who are curious about sex but due to society, they pose as good girls.. Find em and if u convince em, u can get another fuck buddy..
If its relationship, forget this girl as she is unsteady about her ex and u.. And if she does come to u, there are chances she ll leav u for another male.. Coz she left her ex for u..
So better take a wise decission and move on..

Answer 6

You met this girl, when she was heartbroken due to her previous BF leaving her for greener pastures abroad. She was looking for a shoulder to vent her grief, and she found you. Remember that the previous affair lasted 4 years (a long time) and cannot be easily forgotten, especially if there was no animosity after the breakup (which could be due to genuine reasons...like studies.

Give the girl space. You can still be friends though. Let her decide if you are better suited to her (as a future partner) than her Ex who has now returned.

You cannot force her to love you, but you will be better off if you can move on.

Answer 7

shes giving priority to her life. She is choosing the path which she feels is good for her secure life. Understand her nature. Try to forget her, rather than forcefully trying to hold up the relationship.

Bin

Answer 8

seems like she never had a clean broke up from the earlier relationship. she is still emotionally invested in that relationship, but she want to keep you also as a back up plan to come back when ever they have problems in their relationships. she was never in true love with you she never considered you as her soul mate or true love but only as as a plan B. She is only playing with you.


Now my question to you is Do you want to be a back up plan for some one?
Do you want to be with a person who is not worried about your pain and feelings? Do you want to be with a person who dont have any respect for you? Answer these questions you will get the answer for your question.

Its your life don't allow others play with it.

Answer 9

Thanks dear all..

It feels like i'm convincing the things and i cleared my eyes.A u said although i marry her(By any chance) She will leave me when the feelings of her Ex love came in to her mind.So it will  better to keep my leg far away from mud before it sticks on my leg.. As Krish1 said.

Thanks all again and Love you all.

Comments

Good that you have become a wiser man..yes its best to let her go...have confidence in yourself...you'l get an another girl..(remember the saying 'girlfriends are like city buses,one goes and the other comes' he he..)

yes,you'l be able to forget her gradually..time is a good healer..just keep yourself busy with productive activities,remain busy with friends and family..read some good books...and talk with other girls...!!!

Good Luck ...

Answer 10

If you don't want to leave her, then have sex with her in any means as soon as possible...This is only thing that will build your bond with her...Otherwise after every bad situation, she will recall her ex-bf....

Answer 11

You should leave all behind and move on.

I can guess it was her first love, its hard to forget. Specially if she had a real good time, she wont be able to forget.  Think of yourself, it probably is your first love, you are not accepting to lose her, why dont you think she is going through that?

She will keep going back, for the sake of good memories. And you are right now a filler, when he is not here, you act as substitute player. Try to be a regular one or leave this. In plain view, I dont see any future for you together. Its hard to forget first love which was good.

By accepting her past, you are not doing her a favour, rather you are accepting to stay as her substitute lover, or what we call Time Pass.  Rather running after her, find the one who loves you, not stay obsessed with your love or stick to male ego.

At someday you may get successful on marrying her, and you never know, she will run again and again to her ex.  But somewhere seems like you are falling short on her standard, be it on love, deep pocket or sex, you are falling short where her ex is much better and she also treat that as her priority.