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We are in love but he want me with my parents conscent, what to do ?

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asked Mar 18, 2012 in Questions by 4thelement (140 points)
edited Mar 18, 2012 by dan
hi anjali bhabi,

Am sanjana 27 yrs old and i love a boy aamir 25 years old.
we are in a relationship for last 4 years now. we both love each other but my parents are against our marriage just because we are of different communities but i cant leave aamir as i love him a lot. i have asked him several times to take me away and marry me and i will be happy with him wherever he will  keep me but he says he will only marry me if allowed by my parents.
i am helpless now i can leave my parents for him but he don't want that. his parents are ready to accept our relationship but my parents are not accepting, please help me what should i do?
i really love him and can't even think of leaving him. My parents don't even allow me to talk to him now and they are forcing me to marry someone else.
commented Mar 18, 2012 by 4thelement (140 points)
reshown Mar 20, 2012 by oye
I had no doubts over his loyalty wid me as he was very passionate about me but wid the passage of time and continuous reluctance of my parents his attitude towards me has become sore.
My mom told me that she has seen him wid a girl twice, now he do not attend my phone calls late in nights previously he used to do that he used to bear all my filmi attitude, desires and dominance over him but i can feel and sense this change, i am a working girl and i am meeting him secretly as i dont wana hurt my parents....... i asked him whether he is cheating on me and he immediately denied all the things told me by my mom, i dont know who to trust?. Although my parents are modern and educated but dont know what they have in their mind, we both have tried to convince them my parents many times and they have been very gentle with us but still not giving their consent even my didi likes him and she is also in our favour.
He has always been shy and expression less but i have felt care and love in his attitude, anger, possessiveness, everything but now this thing is getting diminished.
He is quite good looking, educated and reasonably placed in the society. I feel like i will loose him which i dont want to!
commented Mar 19, 2012 by 4thelement (140 points)
edited Mar 20, 2012 by oye
My father is not only a heart patient but also very close to me that's why i cant take any risk of leaving home or hunger strike, even he dont wana make me do that coz he said he dont want us to loose anyone in our families in order to get each other and i cant beat him in discussion as he is very good at that.
We both are very different in terms of nature am very bold, filmi, passionate and fun loving girl..... he is shy, quiet, gentle and very caring but i have experienced him getting wild for me.
We have not been into sex much as he does not believe in having sex before marriage.
I dont know whether he is ignoring me or not but yes he has changed to a certain extent which i can feel. Cant say much but may be he has lost interest in me. Even after all that i wana remain patient and determined as instructed by him and i have firm faith in him but the thing that hurts me is he has clearly said that if my parents wont agree he will not marry me even if i have to marry someone else or may be he is testing me.
commented Mar 21, 2012 by shakti255 (110 points)
You did wrong, your nt from same community. If you marry also it effects in future cz u have to convert his religion and his shameful for your family.If u love some other guy who is from your religion definately ur family ll accept tht. so try to avoid him,nd whatever ur family choose a guy for u he ll be with u end of ur life. If u marry against ur family with him and confusion ll create and misunderstanding ll be begin so u ll nt satisfy with him. their is so many things u can c and u ll realize ur mistake. Think 2wice or thirice take advice from ur friends. And nd want to marry him then go for intercaste marriage.
commented Mar 21, 2012 by 4thelement (140 points)
He has never asked me to convert but i think in order to make it a successful marriage i should adopt his religion and be a good wife. I love him so much i can do anything for him!



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18 Answers

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I heard humans have six senses.. Then too why some are behaving like they have only 5?? Some people just never see a person as a person.. They classify him according to his cast, creed, status etc etc.. All bull..
U must know how to convince ur parents.. Coz we dont know them..
One way is to tell that u will be happy with him.. And if they see ur happiness first, they will accept.. If its their pride or ego they choose, then they are what i cal as 5.. Coz the 6th sense aint present in em..
Try ur best talking it out to them.. They will have to budge at a point of time..
Sorry if i were rude..
All the best..
answered Mar 18, 2012 by hades (2,670 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Truely speaking your parents right,the boy dosent loves you.There many options available to him,he doesnt want to compromise a bit.
answered Mar 18, 2012 by Khurram kamal (610 points)
commented Mar 18, 2012 by dan (2,350 points)
dear khurram , you can't say that the guy does not love her , not only because he is not willing to accept the girl without parent consent does imply he does not love her.
commented Mar 18, 2012 by Khurram kamal (610 points)
If the boy's family is ready to accept her without her family's consent than why not the boy?is the consent of the girl's family so important for the boy and not her lover.After all its a love marriage?
0 like 0 dislike
Firstly your parent can't force you to marry someone else,

Compel your parents regarding your love convince them that you can't live without him and can't marry someone else an that you better remain single than marrying someone else , give them time  lots of time , for how long do you think your parent will let a girl being single at home.

Are you a working woman , I mean are you financially independent , If yes then fair enough , find a place for you , am not asking you to leave the house but if there is no option then perhaps its the only way.

But if you leave the house don't jump into your wedding gown to get married, wait for some time , leave an option to your parents.
answered Mar 18, 2012 by dan (2,350 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Sanjana, its quite a complecated situation. You are okay, he is okay, his family is okay only your family is not.  And he is determined on that.

Inter religious marriage is nothing new, the reason is simple, we born as a human being, at times of birth we dont have a religion, its our luck to get a religion based on our parents. An unborn baby cant decide his/her religion.

This has been accepted for 1000s of years, marriage in different form, for love, war, peace that happened. And in number of cases interreligion marriages has saved big wars. Emperor Akbar is one example, there are 100s and 1000s.

Your parents might be watching movies, a great fan of Shahrukh Khan, Amir Khan, Hritwik Roshan or Sanjay Dutt. All of them went through Inter-religion marriage, because its not the religion that bothers, its a single religion, humanity that persists.

Marriage is between two person, if love persists, thats fair enough. But I do believe marriage is between two families, the relatonship is that important. I wont disagree with your boyfriend, when you do have children, they deserve the best treat from both maternal and paternal grandfathers. This is damn important for a kid to have all four grandparents to love him/her.  

For you its not only marriage between two families, its two religion coming closer. Its your responsibility to act on this, make them agree, for you and your future children.  Its their blood, they should respect that. Else if they take a whimsical decision and get you married to someone of their choice, the marriage may last a single day with lots of pain, bitterness, divorce or anything.

For your knowledge, I know a couple, the guy is a Muslim, his father was a Muslim married to a Christian girl. The wife is a Hindu, her father was Hindu married to a Buddist girl. Everytime I meet them, I feel so good to see, thats a home where all religion got together.  Thats true secular home.  You are not having that luxury even to have four religions.
answered Mar 18, 2012 by oye (25,670 points)
0 like 0 dislike
I believe if you make your will to achieve something then some way will be made for sure .. It's good if he wants ur parents consent .take chances fall ,cry ,make ur parents know what he mean to you ,create drama so that your they have only option to accept him ..
answered Mar 18, 2012 by Lovemyjanu (1,305 points)
1 like 1 dislike
sanjana, There are quite a few pluses in your favour. You love the boy and presumably so does he (4 years is a long time in a relationship). His parents are supportive of you (a big plus). Now the only problem I see, is that he is younger than you and so a little immature. Your parents will ultimately agree if you both are serious about the relationship.

What I dont like is ...he trying to put the ball in your court by insisting that you convince your parents. Ask him clearly, if your parents dont agree..then what? Is he willing to marry you in court?     

Sorry to be blunt...but he is using you. If he cannot support you now, he never will.
answered Mar 18, 2012 by longhands1 (68,200 points)
edited Mar 21, 2012 by longhands1
0 like 0 dislike
Ill stick to what hades said sis,Try talking to your parents and arrange for a meeting with your boyfriend and your family in a public place and sort things out.Does your dad know any influential persons?he might have used them to threaten your boyfriend.First talk to you boyfriend why he isnt comfortable taking you with him without your parents consent.if all else fails try to get your boyfriend's family to talk with your family.That may solve problems.All the best
answered Mar 18, 2012 by mahe69 (505 points)
commented Mar 19, 2012 by 4thelement (140 points)
He has met my family many times both at public places and at our residence infact initially my mom used to like him but when she came to know about our relationship she became reluctant and said no.
He does not wana bring disrepute to our family thats why he is not willing to take me without my parents consent and further his family would also oppose him taking me without the consent of my family as he too cant live without his parents. we both love our parents and my father is a heart patient and i cannot take any dramatic step.
He has asked me to be patient as he believes my parents will accept him as their SIL soon.
0 like 0 dislike
marry a men who can look ,care, love  for u, nt a boy who will b dependent upon u, be mature، life runs with mone nt love got it dear, No MONEY NO HONEY DA. And d boy u love is just using u like a tissue paper, after work finished he will nt even bother for u. So dnt waist time on him he is nt worth. Move with ur life.
        If he would have loved u truely thn he would have arranged work for himselt, room for u both to live togather, but he dnt do anything. And gave u a reason about parents. Dnt b fool , move on .........
answered Mar 18, 2012 by coolboyin (315 points)
commented Mar 19, 2012 by 4thelement (140 points)
i never said he is dependent on me, he is well placed in the society and very educated.... he can take me with him whenever he wants but his moral and social values are not allowing him to do so.
0 like 0 dislike
I had no doubts over his loyalty wid me as he was very passionate about me but wid the passage of time and continuous reluctance of my parents his attitude towards me has become sore.
My mom told me that she has seen him wid a girl twice, now he do not attend my phone calls late in nights previously he used to do that he used to bear all my filmi attitude, desires and dominance over him but i can feel and sense this change, i am a working girl and i am meeting him secretly as i dont wana hurt my parents....... i asked him whether he is cheating on me and he immediately denied all the things told me by my mom, i dont know who to trust?. Although my parents are modern and educated but dont know what they have in their mind, we both have tried to convince them my parents many times and they have been very gentle with us but still not giving their consent even my didi likes him and she is also in our favour.
He has always been shy and expression less but i have felt care and love in his attitude, anger, possessiveness, everything but now this thing is getting diminished.
He is quite good looking, educated and reasonably placed in the society. I feel like i will loose him which i dont want to!
answered Mar 19, 2012 by 4thelement (140 points)
commented Mar 19, 2012 by Lovemyjanu (1,305 points)
If you don't want to loose him den pls don't hear your mind just hear your heart and make him agree wid u ..one day both the family will be happy for both of you ..everyone has to compromise for something and in this case you have to choose or loose
commented Mar 19, 2012 by agentA (690 points)
i think nw he is ignoring u so beter leave him in his place,bt dear u stuck in very complicated situation try to get over frm this,frm four years u might havy had sex relations also so these things wil haunt u in future.One more thing jo bhi hota he ache k liye hota hai.He is also 2 years younger thn you so beter love sumeone mature may he is using you,n dont leave ur parents fr anybody y dont u love ur parents dear they raised u with dificulties to see this day.
commented Mar 19, 2012 by pussycat (3,855 points)
I was in love with my wife then GF, for many years, my parents know her from childhood, her parents know me from my childhood. In normal case if I propose her no one in both family with disagree, but when all came to know we are in love (Our love was very secretive and silent, so most of them are not aware of that) they opposed our marriage.
I really wanted to marry her she was also desperate to marry me, so i day during our talk i told my father, i know you don't like this marriage, the only fault we have done is we loved each other, i don't want to bring disgrace to the family if you don't agree for this marriage, i will marry her at some register office, then it clicked, they know that i was serious, and i am a person who will do what i says they know well, next day my parents went to her home (there she was in hunger strike), Within two months we were married to each other.

I recently asked my parents why they were against out marriage, they told me as we are in love, love marriages wont last for long, so they don't want me in any trouble so they opposed it. If it was any other girl they   never agree to marry my lover.They agreed only because she was known to them from her childhood.

But during all this My GF stood with me, for anything. She said to live or die its with you!!!!!!!.
commented Mar 20, 2012 by 4thelement (140 points)
moved Mar 21, 2012 by longhands1
My father is not only a heart patient but also very close to me that's why i cant take any risk of leaving home or hunger strike, even he dont wana make me do that coz he said he dont want us to loose anyone in our families in order to get each other and i cant beat him in discussion as he is very good at that.
We both are very different in terms of nature am very bold, filmi, passionate and fun loving girl..... he is shy, quiet, gentle and very caring but i have experienced him getting wild for me.
We have not been into sex much as he does not believe in having sex before marriage.
I dont know whether he is ignoring me or not but yes he has changed to a certain extent which i can feel. Cant say much but may be he has lost interest in me. Even after all that i wana remain patient and determined as instructed by him and i have firm faith in him but the thing that hurts me is he has clearly said that if my parents wont agree he will not marry me even if i have to marry someone else.
commented Mar 20, 2012 by mahe69 (505 points)
You are in a rather bad situation sis,stuck between love and parents.Many girls get into this situation but get along with their parents in the end. Anyways,why do enquire your bf about what your mom saw.In times like this people tend to look at negative side of things.So why dont you enquire more about the girl whom your mom saw your bf.There are chances that your mom may be lying,but there are also chances that she maybe tellin the truth.whatever you do,proceed with caution.
commented Mar 21, 2012 by 4thelement (140 points)
u r right i think, i have to be very cautious but if i found him cheating over me i will kill him i cant see him wid anyone else he is mine and only mine.
0 like 0 dislike
Hey Sanjana,
Your lucky to have a bf that seems to be a mature and intelligent guy as he dont want to bring disrepute to your family as well and really cares for your family and the best thing is he has kept u away from sex.......... not many guys are like that! i guess he may be compelling you to convert to the other religion and this would be the main concern of your parents.
The best way is to remain patient and wait for the right time, keep trying to pursue and convince your parents and if they dont the best way is to marry the guy they choose for you becoz in the end marrying your bf without their permission will actually bring immense disrepute to your family and you would regret that as they wont be able to afford that..
we girls have to care for our families, its our duty.......... you would be hurt and may be you would have a pathetic life after that marriage but you have to be strong and should feel proud for being such a nice and obedient girl.
answered Mar 21, 2012 by san.sal (105 points)
0 like 0 dislike
I knw ur problem,i cant post all the mater. Bt take some advice 4rm ur firends cz nw u dont knw wht u doing.same wht problem u have i have too. I am from xxxxxxxxxxxxxx cast and i love the girls she is a xxxxxxxxxxxxxx. still i have problem, i cant leave or i cant mary another [email protected] is my id reply me on rxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx email id. I wll discuss u nt on the forum. thanks..
answered Mar 22, 2012 by shakti255 (110 points)
edited Mar 22, 2012 by dan
commented Mar 22, 2012 by dan (2,350 points)
Dear Shakti,

No cast and religion just to avoid mis-undersatnding.

No email ID please.

Thanks for your comprehension
commented Mar 23, 2012 by 4thelement (140 points)
Hey shakti,
i dont need ur advice
commented Mar 25, 2012 by Khurram kamal (610 points)
Good reply sanjana keep it up!
commented Mar 25, 2012 by 4thelement (140 points)
thanks khurram
0 like 0 dislike
i agree with san.sal, she is right i need to be patient and determined and i should trust him. He is famous among girls but remained mine for all those years so i guess he would never leave me.
Should i have sex wid him? as i wana have sex wid him but he keep on refusing as he do not believe in having sex before marriage but having sex shall make our bond stronger and make us emotionally more attached to each other.
San.sal,
Please advice?
answered Mar 23, 2012 by 4thelement (140 points)
commented Mar 25, 2012 by san.sal (105 points)
U r right Sanjana, having sex with him will definitely make your bond stronger which is already very strong but having sex will also increase the level of guilt you might have to gone through had you guys not get married. As i told you before that its great if he has kept you away from sex, i would again say you need to be patient and cautious. You are a good girl as you have firm believe in your love doing this may hurt you but thats how we live life.
commented Mar 25, 2012 by san.sal (105 points)
and do let me know about any progress?
1 like 0 dislike
This story line is fabulous. If only Ekta Kapoor could read and keep on reading new developments added info, she could start a serial.  

I dont know when this story line will end, but reading every post, all the characters are clear, anyone can sit down to write the story plot and go for shooting.  Hope to see in Sony/Zee/Star soon.
answered Mar 23, 2012 by oye (25,670 points)
commented Mar 23, 2012 by 4thelement (140 points)
If you think its a story line then why dont u make a serial yourself or forward this to Ekta.
If you r a moderator, it doesnt allow you to make fun of others......... if u think its a story line than why do u care reading it and why r u wasting ur time. Please refrain yourself from this thread and please dont make fun of other's emotions.
I dont expect answers from every tom dick and harry.
commented Mar 23, 2012 by oye (25,670 points)
Would love to inform Ekta, but its your story, I get nothing for introducing you. Being moderator doesnt mean I cant joke. Something worth a laughter, we should, be it real life or story. All your updates makes nothing more than story. You dont want TDH to reply, but we allow a lot TDHs to post their life, life like or fantasy ques.
0 like 0 dislike
Hello, Sanjana you are facing a very complicated situation,

Your B.F. is right he want you and your parents Love, just becouse intercast merriages are not unknown now the days, all religion are made by communities

Religions  =   Communities

Communities  = made by humans

Humans  =  Human made Laws for community

Laws says love is always first

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
answered Mar 23, 2012 by uboycrossing2002 (105 points)
edited Mar 23, 2012 by dan
commented Mar 23, 2012 by dan (2,350 points)
Dear uboycrossing2002, please write in English , so that all member can understand, being an international forum some members may not understand what you want to convey
commented Mar 23, 2012 by 4thelement (140 points)
I have read your message as it arrived in ma mailbox and i think u r quite right and me n my bf have had lots of discussion and arguments with my parents but they seems to be not interested every time.
0 like 0 dislike
So when you guys started out he was 21, and you were 23!

4 long years of a relationship without any sex at all!!??

This is a torture.

Please end it; for sake of sanity.

BTW, if he is not ready to marry you against your parents wishes he is going the right way in making use of you and being non-committal. (Cant't figure how he is using you at all, though.)

I hope this sexless saga ends someday....
answered Mar 23, 2012 by false (220 points)
commented Mar 23, 2012 by 4thelement (140 points)
I too hope this sexless saga turns into a great marriage full of happiness and sex.
commented Mar 23, 2012 by akk0907 (2,855 points)
she is so serious that commenting on every answer. If you cant help. atleast dont discourage her...
please co-operate.
commented Mar 23, 2012 by oye (25,670 points)
Akk, what is serious? Dont you think Mamuni is more serious? She created 50 plus ID, thats serious. Tell us what cooperation this girl is looking for or encouragement needed? Last few days we are hearing love story, not a single move to try anything new. How long we have to keep listening this epic? Listening this, is that encouragement? Akk, you are not new here, why spoil time on Balaji film story?
commented Mar 24, 2012 by false (220 points)
Dude... I think about stuff in a simple peasant manner. If you have energy, carefully go over everything that 4thelement has written.

When you are done with reading everything you will realise that there is a 5th element to this story; that this is just selfmade fiction... We have got so many halfwitted writers so maybe she is just trying to create some angle here.

See.. we have this forum to solve problems... and not propagate Lunatic behavior... On a serious note, does it really work like this in a real life scenario?? Just imagine whatever Ms.Element is elementasizing..... She is just getting her kicks through verbal enemas.... Carry on Captain! Ahoy Seas... Am just but nothing less than my blather....
0 like 0 dislike
Yes its a selfmade fiction,
Dear Moderators please end this, i guess i shouldn't have been here.
answered Mar 24, 2012 by 4thelement (140 points)
commented Mar 25, 2012 by oye (25,670 points)
Thanks God the saga ended.

When can we expect a new storyline? Ekta Kapoor loves story, the more complicated the better.
0 like 0 dislike
***Yes its a selfmade fiction,
Dear Moderators please end this, i guess i shouldn't have been here.
***

[email protected];

You are soon going to turn this in to a classic cult series... So whats the new development for now?

Regards
answered Mar 25, 2012 by false (220 points)
0 like 0 dislike
There has never been a development from my end, i only answered the questions asked by the others, i know what all i wrote is only truth and i dont want u guys to trust me............ if u wana bullying than carry on!!! i wont mind ........ am here only to listen others having similar problems and their solutions and i just want suggested answers so those who r not interested please dont bother to reply!
answered Mar 25, 2012 by 4thelement (140 points)

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