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Am going to be married soon. Have some doubts about first time sex.

+4 votes
4.5K views
asked Aug 7, 2012 in Questions by suman.songa (120 points)
edited Aug 8, 2012 by longhands1
i am going to marry end of this month. we dont know each other before marry. can explain below queries?

1.what are things to talk , dont talk with wife in bedroom?
2. how to start talk about sex with my wife?
3. how to know about her feeling, mood for sex?
4. On first day how many rounds of sex, if she cooperated (how to ask I want one more round of sex)
commented Aug 9, 2012 by longhands1 (56,980 points)
suman.songa,

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8 Answers

+5 votes
Congrats to you and your wife on your wedding.

Having sex right on your first night must be embarrassing to you and your partner cos you guys don't know each other so talk to her about yourself and know her. Don't get into sex talks right away so just take it slowly ask her interests in life what she likes, her most cherished moments, her idea of fun etc.., If she is comfortable in speaking with you after some pep talk ask her for a kiss and see how she reacts to it. After you get done with that just cuddle her up and sleep.

On the second day try showing her your desire to have sex by stealing glances at her throughout the day and try to kiss her or hug her when no ones around. Don't force her into it rather wait for it, see her reaction first and go. Have a romantic outing and after that see to that she is interested and try to go beyond 1st base with her. Try to touch her over her clothes and make sure she is comfortable with you doing it cos she might feel frightened.

Its not the quantity its always the quality, one good round of sex is in no way compared to 10 rounds of sex resulting in displeasure. If she is a virgin she might feel pain so don't force her for further rounds. And most importantly remember to have plenty of foreplay before getting into the act and be active and talk to her throughout the foreplay and the intercourse part and just don't take pleasure from her give it to her as well.

 Even after you finish cuddle up with her and shower her with kisses because that way she knows that you just don't love her for her body but for her as well. Don't sleep like a log after you discharge rather have a good talk with her. What ever you do go slow and don't push it, good luck.
answered Aug 8, 2012 by Invincible (12,575 points)
+7 votes
These are sweet questions.  We are so tired of Aunty questions, that these give a relief. Congratulations on your marriage, and I have to thank you because you have some good and basic concern that you have put forward. That shows respect.

Answer to your questions.

1. What you should talk is talk about your childhood memory, ask her, talk on small jokes not sex jokes. Talk on some issues where you were not a macho hero, rather some funny incidents where you got stumped. Keep the discussion interesting. What not to talk is on sex, earlier affairs.  As a new wife she is expected to talk less, accept that and dont think thats bad sign. If she talks freely, means you reached your goal on breaking the ice.

2. Dont talk about sex on first night. She is taught a man will be there who will jump on her to have sex. Surprise her with all different things, show her you are a husband who is a friend to walk hand in hand in future. Prove her wrong that she is getting in a lion's cage ready to be eaten alive.

3. Take 3/4 days to talk on her feeling watch her closely, listen to what she says. Soon you will know she is ready for the physical intimacy. There is no words to find that, its the easeness that will give you a sign when to have a lip kiss, when to go for next move on touching her body. Dont be impatient.

4. This question proves that you are listening to your friends that you have to score on first night. Its not that you have to. You can but you shouldnot. A wife should be treated with respect and love, she is not a edible item that you have to have se else someone else will. Its a life long issue, take time, go slow. She is not running away anywhere for not having sex on first night.

Try to make the first night special for her, not like all other who has to meet their karnel desire by having sex and prove how good they were on that department.

Thats my advice, what you will do is upto you.
answered Aug 8, 2012 by oye (25,670 points)
commented Aug 8, 2012 by mahee (2,755 points)
Gr8 answer to a nice question. Man! don't talk controversies, abt ur or her ex- gf/bf. Don't prove urself suspicious hubby. Try to have the topics light/comic. May talk abt wedding chores, acts/moments she was looking beautiful. GOOD LUCK!
commented Aug 8, 2012 by mark69007 (160 points)
Hi Mr.Oye, I posted a similar question few days back but it didn't turn out on the blog, hence I am putting it here.

My question is in some of the previous post I came across something Asexual Orientation. As in most Indian families arranged marriage is more common, where opportunity to interact is very less until engagement or even marriage. In such situations how can we understand that if the future to be is of Asexual orientation or less or no interest in Sex without sounding as a pervert or a desperado.

I understand that Sex is not the everything in marriage but also believe it is also an integral part of it. Instead of whining about it later, why not discuss it before hand but how without hurting the other?
commented Aug 15, 2012 by oye (25,670 points)
Mark69007, I would suggest to ask a separate question on what you have mentioned.  If this wasnot posted, must have some other problem, I checked on the system, your question wasnot here, none has deleted.

A question on aanother question is like a discussion issue, the real question gets hidden. Post again and lets discuss.
+4 votes
I suggest you both take some time to get to know each other before you even think about sex.

I thought this kind of thing was in the past, and even arranged marriages were made between people who at least know each other!!!!

 I better say nothing more about this situation, because last time I spoke my mind about arranged marriages, I was severely criticised.

So, all I can say is, get to know her before trying anything in the bedroom. Once you know each other, try asking her what she wants to do in sex; even if she's a virgin, she will have imagined various things when masturbating (and I'd be very surprised if she never did this).

If you're both inexperienced, you'll both be nervous, so don't expect sex to be as wonderful as all your fantasies have envisioned. It's like anything you do in life, you get better with practice.

Ask her to be honest with you, and to tell you if you're doing something she likes, or doesn't like. She will be anxious to please you, so tell her what you like, what you want her to do, and what you don't want her to do. Remember you're both learning, so patience is a quality you'll both need.

Good luck.

Salma
answered Aug 8, 2012 by sexysalma (14,820 points)
+1 vote
Congratulations since your marriage has been fixed.

This is a very cute question and your desire to know the basic questions before the marriage to understand your partner is appreciated :)

Assuming that yours is a arranged marriage, you can spend some time on first day to understand feelings of your wife. Speak to her about her likes and dislikes, family, ambitions, hobbies etc so that you both can know each other better. Slowly you will gain confidence of each other.
Once you gain confidence and trust then sex talks will come automatically and you will start feeling comfortable about this.

If she is willing for sex then go for it the first day itself. But if she doesn't then don't force her. Build trust among each other for successful married life.

Bin
answered Aug 8, 2012 by bin (2,365 points)
+1 vote
Congrats friend
Actually we people use to call our wife as best half isn't it, so don't hesitate to talk to her as bcoz every woman will have a eager to have a sex that too with their hubby, so first try to understand her basic needs about sex, her mood, thoughts, talk to her freely in bedroom only, love her then have a good physical relation. If u commit mistake don't worry she will rectify u its bcoz she s ur wife, carry on friend everything starts with gentle talk. If u wanna next round means praise her like " I have seen heaven all bcoz of u only"
answered Aug 9, 2012 by buffalohunk (310 points)
commented Aug 9, 2012 by suman.songa (120 points)
edited Aug 11, 2012 by longhands1
thanks your answers.

actually all answers are very helping.


(Suman...nice to see you acknowledge our Answers. Since you have asked the question, you have to use comment, not Answer. Thanks. Editor)
0 votes
suman don't be tensioned man it is very easy you will get the self answers at that situation ok
what things not to talk and what should you talk is its very simple first know about her interest and then your interests
how to start about sex either she or you cannot wait for sex even a minute but there will be some fear so you start by touching her then it will be easy
her feelings,mood extra of her will be understand by you ok it is by her facial expressions and extra  
how many rounds your wife will ask you for more
tip:refer kamasutra book for better sex with your wife
and happy married life
answered Aug 9, 2012 by abhi14343 (1,835 points)
0 votes
I would suggest & rather share my experience that you buy some good memorable gift for her,secondly as you both would be exhausted with the marriage I would suggest that instead of going for sex,just cuddle & kiss & talk about yourself & get to know her,just don't hump & her & show your desperation,if she is desperate & is mentally prepared & indicates to you that she wants sex & then with mutual consent go ahead,but it is advisable not to force or rape.Wish you a Happy Married Life
answered Aug 10, 2012 by manmumbai41 (435 points)
0 votes
1.what are things to talk , dont talk with wife in bedroom?
A : There should be complete transparency between two life-partners, so nothing not to talk. But be careful during initial days, donot talk anything which can harm your relationships.

2. how to start talk about sex with my wife?
A : Dont worry, everything will happen automatically on first night.

3. how to know about her feeling, mood for sex?
A : You have to initiate and see the response. Mostly a girl will not initiate.

4. On first day how many rounds of sex, if she cooperated (how to ask I want one more round of sex).
A : May be 2-3, depending upon your capacity, if you can remain awake for whole night with some rest in between. Again, you have to initiate and see her response every time, may be she will be too tired on that day, wait for few days for more than one round. But it is not good to have more than one round everyday, just ok for first few days, or rarely on other special days.
answered Sep 15, 2012 by curious4sex (320 points)

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