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How to tackle the problem with my young brother masturbating?

+1 vote
3.5K views
asked Oct 15, 2012 in Questions by akshitad (121 points)
edited Oct 15, 2012 by longhands1
I am a 19yr old girl. The problem is not mine but that of my younger brother's.  He is only 12yrs old and since the past 2 months discovered the pleasure of masturbating. Due to this he engages in this activity whenever he has free time
and problem is he gets so involved in that activity that he at times forgets to shut his room door. I have myself walked upon him few times and he was extremely shy and embarassed, pleading that i don't disclose this to our parents. He promises to more careful next time but once in a while keeps getting caught. He has been very lucky that our parents have not caught him yet in his act.

The other day a classmate and close friend of mine entered his room and rushed out laughing pointing to what my brother was doing. I was left so red faced and worst part is she told two of my other classmates and now all these 3 girls keep teasing me about him. they tease me with nasty remarks like it was me who perhaps taught him this and such rubbish.

I feel so annoyed and disguisted hearing all this nonsense but am not understanding what to do about my brother. should i tell my parents or should i continue speaking to my brother and try to convince him to do it behind shut doors?

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8 Answers

0 votes
Dear Akshitad,
its the right time when you should take proper charge of the situation and make him know the benefits and disadvantages of the masturbation.
being horny is common at this age if he has gained puberty.
you should tell him that this act done publicly can tarnish his image and he will not have any friends in future and should not do it openly. and then after some days you can enquire and try restricting him to not do it because it causes some major harms to the body when done at such tender age as the energy is diverted to produce more semen than to take care of the growth of the body and nervous system.
if he does not listen then you can tell this to your parents about it.
just a thing that just passed by now was , do try to induce the positive  emotion about masturbationg to him, and he'll stop it after doing it heavily. its like i'm telling you not to think of elephant wearing pink shoes and you start thinking about it immediately....
try and succeed... :), best regards
answered Oct 15, 2012 by S1986 (667 points)
0 votes
Coax him with something more interesting. Maybe it requires you to get involved in some of his favourite hobby to get his mind off this newly aquired habit.
answered Oct 15, 2012 by Sats (207 points)
+1 vote

A 12yr old having started masturbation is an alarming sign. Generally 17-20 is the time boys get to start masturbation, but your brother seems to have developed early. Well shun off your friends talking and teasing you. Warn them sternly to not bring that up. If they value your friendship they shall understand it and behave properly.

Coming on to your brother, you better talk to him and explain him the effects of masturbation. Though masturbation is the natural way of relieving sexual desires, it has its limits. Chronic masturbation i.e. masturbating for 2-3 times a day, doing it when ever they get time just like your brother, skipping other activities for the sake of masturbation brings several issues. For your age you should probably know the concept of reproduction, so here’s what it is. For a guy to have sex he need his penis hard and strong, but frequent masturbation results in a situation called premature ejaculation(PE) where the penis ejaculates very early causing dis-pleasure among women. The worse case masturbating frequently results in erectile dysfunction(ED) where the man cannot have an erection. Chronic masturbation might affect the sperm count which is a determinant in impregnating a woman.

Semen gets generated after one day, but when a guy masturbates continuously not sparing the refractory time for semen to re-generate the semen gets emptied after a specific time. This doesn’t happen but it is more of a phase thing. For people who have masturbated very frequently they are asked about their masturbation habit when they go for a sperm count test.

Besides these, lack of concentration on studies, no social life, might make the boy devoid of humans. Since he is just 12 you talk to him about all these and ask him to abstain from this habit since it is very bad. Even if it is hard in the beginning, tell him its good for his future.

No shame in educating a kid on these facts. You need not worry about the embarrassment you cause him or to yourself. Tell him how your friends tease you by calling you names. Tell him he is too young to do this and ask him to stop this activity and advise him to engage himself in some activity when ever he feels like masturbating.

The problems or issues that have been mentioned have been often been asked by users in the forum. If you could search by the word masturbation, you would be greeted by a number of questions on the issue.  A healthy habit of masturbating is to do it 2-3times in a week by proper lubrication. Lubrication because. a dry hand-job might result in skin damage.

Telling your parents might get bad. Poor kid he has already been caught off guard so just tell him this and if he doesn’t listen to what you say warn him that you would tell this to your parents. I feel a warning is sufficient for his age. No need for your parents.

Hope your doubt has been cleared. Talk to him and let him know these.

answered Oct 15, 2012 by Invincible (13,480 points)
edited Oct 16, 2012 by Invincible
+1 vote

A small correction to invincible's answer's first line.. I started masturbating in my 8th grade of school.. That was when i was 12-13 years old.. At the end of 7th grade i knew about porn sites.. And I had sex education seminars in my school in my 9th grade..

Anyways.. Akshitad, guys mature by 12 years approximately.. Have you ever thought why a boy at the age of 12 -15 starts to get attracted to girls?? Its because his juice has started being produced in the body.. This is the reason we had child marriage in olden days.. What your bro is doing is very normal.. The thing was I was the only son.. So i had complete privacy.. But then your bro is an early bloomer..smiley

Just advice him to be more careful.. Ask him to lock the door when he has his private time.. And dont tell your parents.. Not every parent is broad minded.. So u better advice him and protect him instead of getting annoyed..

And if the girls in his class tease, just dont mind.. People around us will speak a lot of things.. U need to decide which you want to hear.. Those girls are also too small.. So they too wouldnt know about all these.. Moreover a very few schools have sex education.. So people are forced to be narrow minded and conservative about these.. U just need to know to tackle them..

answered Oct 16, 2012 by hades (2,727 points)
+1 vote

akshitad,

Childhood masturbation is much more common than is imagined by grownups. A child naturally tries to explore his or her genitals, and since the act provides pleasure, once discovered is likely to be repeated. So don’t believe that your brother is a freak or seriously ill. It is a natural phenomenon.

What is important is your re-action to the act. You need to observe if the act is frequent, in which case it may be a sign of stress. Try to get your brother engaged in household activity. Divert his mind. Try to get him to go out doors and play with his friends.

Masturbation is a private activity and you will have to gently and considerately advice your brother about this. Explain to him that like toileting, the activity should be limited to the bedroom or bathroom. Do not make him feel guilty. At times, ignore the act completely and turn the other way.     

Your brother could be craving for attention. May be he is being left alone by you and your parents. Spend quality time with him. Teach him the value of self confidence.

Finally, pay no heed to your classmates. Take up for your brother and shield him the next time they come home.

answered Oct 16, 2012 by longhands1 (23,961 points)
0 votes
In my opinion Invincible's post is over reacting to this problem. Kids are maturing early and even during my days( I am 30+ now), we had boys playing with their penises and discussing masturbation in hushed tone in classes as early as V or VI standard when they were just hitting 10-11yrs age. So at 12 it is a tad bit early but boys definitely don't start as late as 17-20 unless one is a really late bloomer. By 14, a boy hits puberty and most guys start jerking off around 13-15yrs of age. I clearly remember by the time we were in the VII std almost every boy in our class was jerking off 4-5 times a week and some with extra drive of hormones even daily.

Yes, I agree with him that be it a boy 12yrs or 17yrs old should not be masturbating 2-3 times in a day that too regularly because that will mean he is using his spare time to engage only in this activity where he could be playing, talking to friends, studying, socialising, reading books, spending time with family etc and that is not at all healthy thing to do at any age.

The other thing is about sperm count decreasing, this is pure hogwash. What a penis does inside the vagina of a woman is the same activity in folded palms during masturbation. There are "n" number of couples who have sex everyday and some even more than once a day. If this was true all such couples would go childless and earth population would have been much less than what it is at present. Semen keeps getting produced continuously and 1 of them out the 40-60 million/ml which usually a healthy male has is sufficient to impregnate a woman. I myself know of two my friend who during our engineering days would indulge in jerking off
as much as thrice daily on a regular basis courtesy their hard disks being full of pornographic pics and movies. Both of them became fathers within 1yr of marrying and one of them infact has twins now.

Infact we used to pull this guys leg who once indulged in wanking his willy 5 times in a single day and had to apply cream to reduce the burning sensation caused my so much rubbing.....!!!! So masturbation and sperm count are absolutely not related at all whatever age one might have started
from or at whatever frequency one is indulging in the activity. Yes, as I said earlier masturbation should not become a addiction at any age such that it starts to interfere with other natural activities then one should see it as a problem. Neither has frequent masturbation anything related to erectile dysfunction either. That is due to physiological reasons completely and any sexologist will vouch for that. A person who masturbates very less could have a ED problem purely due to physiological reasons or nerve
related problems. Niether has jerking off anything to do with concentration problem except for the fact that an addict will also tend to fantasise about porn or the last beautiful girl/woman he has seen and hence he will find it difficult to concentrate on the task at hand.

By all this, let me make it clear that I am certainly not encouraging your brother to wank his willy so often, please don't get me wrong but just clearing certain things for you. You should tell me to do it strictly behind closed doors as it is a private activity and gradually let him know that he can indulge in self pleasure only when he really feels a very strong urge to do it and not when he has nothing to do or is alone in his room. This change will not happen overnight but over a few weeks if you counsel him gradually on this I am sure he will realise his folly and change. Good luck.
answered Oct 17, 2012 by abhinavm (295 points)
commented Oct 17, 2012 by Invincible (13,480 points)

Except the last paragraph, you have pretty well concentrated on my answer.

0 votes
dear concerning sister of a brother
well i suspect if a guy 12 yr old dnt hv dat much mind of mastubating openly !! m shocked...
bt then also if u r true and ur incidnt also then i will suggest u smthng ... make ur brother 9 what exactly he is doing bcz m sure he is half knowledged which is more dangerous then no 9ledge .. next u should 9 frm where he got to 9 abt it bcz u can stop him bt nt source so beware.
then if ur frends really saw it, let them utter whatever they wish afterall as per m experience girls get new topics very quickly so 1 week 2 or 3 or a year after that they ll forget bt remmeber never tell ur parents bcz ur mature enough to handle it and it may destroy ur brother sis relationship he wont tell u nythng after u tell ur parents ..
hope u understood bt i still suspect , oye and others shuld really listen to this !! and comment
answered Oct 18, 2012 by geneticsalbert (604 points)
commented Oct 18, 2012 by longhands1 (23,961 points)
geneticsalbert,

Shall appreciate if you use complete English words. We have no limitation of space and word count, so  that you need to use SMS language. Thanks for understanding.
commented Oct 18, 2012 by geneticsalbert (604 points)
yes why not but actually i use a mobile and secondly i was told to give big answers so it may take a lot of time and meanwhile server gets down so thats why i use sms language .. but next time i will try .thanks.
0 votes
baby! i started masturbating at ten twelve too. ok it all fine. well people start masturbating at different times. if i were you i would talk to him.say that you know about him masturbating....!  . its a big thing growing up to be a man,he is growing up and if hes wanting to jack off to porn i think he can. don't tell mom or dad,its a personal thing,  it'll only embarrass him...Masturbating is natural and something that everybody does, there is nothing wrong or gross about it.Just mind your own business and let him be. Well the bit about masterbating is his own business no need to confront him don't make a big deal of it. its personal and private, how would you like someone talking to you about your medical records for instance their private. So right now leave it well alone. Simply emphasis him to close his room doors and don't engage in such things too much otherwise he would l lose interest in other activities and ultimately his grades will suffer. And also too much of masturbation will also impact his bodily and mental growth too. You need to talk to him seriously. Tell him the disadvantages of over masturbation. But you afterall everything rests with your brother only you can only him but changes lies with him.
yah i hope i helped
answered Oct 18, 2012 by xpktv2000 (3,144 points)
edited Oct 18, 2012 by xpktv2000
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