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Not able to control my gay feeling?

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asked May 8, 2013 in Questions by sunny.singh (140 points)
edited May 9, 2013 by Invincible

Dear Anjali,

When I was 11 yrs old my neighbour started using me for his sexual needs. In the starting I felt bad but gradually I started loving the act and it continued for 4 yrs. Then my neighbour got married and stopped having sex. I was a bit relieved but after 8-10 months he again started with me and then he even introduced me to one of his cousin. They both started having sex with me.

Sometimes it used to be once or twice a week whereas sometimes once a month and it continued till I was 19. After that I came to Delhi for my studies and I stopped having sex and I tried be straight and controlled my gay feelings. I was successful for two years and had a relationship with a girl as well but now I again feel like having sex with a man.

Kindly advice; I am very much confused.

featued question
commented May 8, 2013 by Arif1 (100 points)
moved May 8, 2013 by Invincible
Suny how cn i ad a que to ths cn u help me frnd
commented May 9, 2013 by JustDoIt (100 points)
Sunny : You need to see a shrink. That's all. You are not GAY. You think you are gay. Molested as a child. It is very very difficult but if possible take your parents into confidence. It will be shocking for them also but in the end it will be easier for all 3 of you to weather it and sail trough. No point telling about it to any of your  friends or future wife too.



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6 Answers

2 like 0 dislike
Hmmmmmm,this is an example of child molestation, and as such, is not something that AA covers, being an illegal activity. However, this is historic, and now you are left confused by your feelings, not surprising really.

Let me say this: You have done nothing for which you should feel ashamed. The neighbour is the one who started to abuse you, and preyed upon your innocence. Of course you liked it, he made sure of that to keep you happy and quiet. Once you enjoyed what was happening, it was easy to control you; it's the art of the successful  molestor.

Most scientific studies into sexuality had concluded that all of us are genetically programmed in the womb regarding our future sexual preference, so it's most likely that nature intended you to be gay or bisexual. Many gay men believe that they can identify another gay guy from a kind of intuition (they call it Gaydar, like radar that spots other gay men), perhaps your neighbour sensed you as being gay?

Okay; you've since tried sex with girls, butt you still crave for sex with other men, that suggests that you are at least bisexual. There's nothing wrong with being straight, bi, or gay; though life in BIPS is, I imagine, a lot more difficult than it would be in the West. I've known I was bisexual since I was a young girl, but living in London, I've always been free to be who I am without persecution. I son't think that is the case where you are, but you are not alone, there are millions of gay and bi men in BIPS. Given a population of well over a billion people, and an average of one person in seven being bi or gay, that gives you a huge choice.

What happened to you as an eleven year old was wrong, but you would have faced this dilemma anyway, as you went through puberty. Try to analyse your feelings towards men and women, and don't fight your feelings, learn to accept who you are, as you can't change your basic sexual preferences, these are hardwired into you as you develop in your mother's womb.

Learn to love yourself, and hold your head high, there's nothing wrong with you, sexuality is just one component of your personality. Gay men are usually high acheivers, artistic, generous of spirit, kind and loving, and compassionate; pretty good qualities for any human being, I'd say.

Salma
answered May 8, 2013 by sexysalma (14,920 points)
commented May 9, 2013 by ravi rao (150 points)
hey salma.you are really smart as I think after reading your answer.Hope Indian society soon accept homosexuality as an alternate sexual orientation and stop considering it as something imported from western culture and harmful.
commented May 9, 2013 by sexysalma (14,920 points)
Homosexuality is merely a part of human sexuality, and has existed throughout all cultures since the evolution of Homo Sapiens. It has nothing to do with one culture or another, and only the ignorant would try to ascribe homosexuality as a "Western Import." If you take, for example, Japanese culture, homosexuality and paedophilia have both been practiced from ancient times. It has been, and is, prevalent in every culture in the world.

I know some people argue that it's against nature, is a perversion, against god (insert your own favourite bigotry here ___________), but how can that be true if it's determined genetically? We all have to behave as we've been programmed by our genes, so saying that it's unnatural is arguing against all the scientific evidence, and makes as much sense as claiming the Sun orbits the Earth, and that the Earth is flat!!!!!

Salma
commented May 9, 2013 by ravi rao (150 points)
You are right but not only humans,homosexuality is also observed in several animals,birds,reptiles and insects.One can read about it by searching it on the internet.So there is no reason to call it unnatural or relating it to any culture.Hope people get educated about it and accept homosexuals as fellow human beings.I also expect this website to stop posting anti gay or homophobic comments by some members and educate people to create a positive attitude towards homosexuality.
commented May 9, 2013 by sexysalma (14,920 points)
Ravi, if the world was more tolerant, everyone would think the way you do, but there are still too many froolish and ignorant people who can't accept anything that doesn't fit within the narrow confines of their limited intellect.

I live in hope though!!!!

Salma
0 like 0 dislike
Dear sunny,

In your previous question you told that you had sex with your girl friend and after the first session you had gone for second session too.this shows that you like to have sex with girls also.

If you like to get anal sex with a guy you can continue it as being homosexual their is no harm. Many man like to have and get sex with girl and boy.
If you dont want any man to do sex with you ask your girlfriend to insert sex toys in your ass and make you feel good it give same feeling to you.
answered May 8, 2013 by neeraj123 (1,555 points)
commented May 8, 2013 by sunny.singh (140 points)
Neeraj
Thats correct..i love having sex with my girlfriend and she loves it too.but i tried sharing my past to her indirectly as it being story of my friend..but she gave a negative response..so i dropped the idea of telling the actual thing to her..so i cant ask her for sexual favours...thats thing is adding more to my confusion...i dont want to go for any random guy..
commented May 8, 2013 by dontworry (130 points)
Dear Sunny,
   Dont forget u have mentioned that u have controlled ur feelings for 2 years & thts a great achivement. If u really think it's a taboo and u want to stop it then try once again, stop thinking about ur gay activities. Involve urself more with ur gf and straight sexual activities. divert ur mind. Best Of Luck.
commented May 9, 2013 by neeraj123 (1,555 points)
Dear sunny,

If your gf dont like your gay feeling try to control and dont remember what has happened in past I you like to give anal sex do it with your girl friend. As you are mature enough and I am sure you can control your feelings as nothing is impossible if you have determination you can achieve every thing.
0 like 0 dislike
Dear,
be mature. And try to control yourself from being sexually harassed. Homosexuality is not in Indian tradition. find any girl suited to you and lead a straight life.
answered May 8, 2013 by basicinstinct (2,290 points)
0 like 0 dislike
hey sunny,it's very sad to know that you were sexually abused by your neighbour and later by his cousin also.There are several people who suffer from psychological effect of being sexually abused during their childhood throughout their life.Some even develop a negative attitude towards sex or anything related to it.It's good to know that your condition isn't like that.You are mentally healthy and still like to have sex.It's fine if you want to have gay sex with another man.There is no need to feel guilty about it and trying to suppress your gay desires.However this time you find a good man who will love and care for you and not any freak child abuser.good luck
answered May 8, 2013 by ravi rao (150 points)
1 like 0 dislike

Sunny singh, I saw your earlier question, combining both these, it seems you are a bisexual.

Nothing to be ashamed of, its a part of life, what our sexual orientation is, that is dtermined before birth. So accept that. Its upto you how you want to handle the situation, getting married and explore both worlds or stay single, its upto you.

Being gay or bisexual is not on your hand. Its the 23rd pair f chromosom that decides our sex and orientation, we are born with that. One eample is, when an egg splits to two and when sperms meet the eggs a twin is conceived. The study says, as the same egg was there, the DNA can be 100% matching for twins yer, one out of eight twins has a chance that both will be gay. Most cases wither both are heterosexual or one is hetero the other is hemosexual. Meaning, the baby has no hand how he is going to be act in future, its decided before.

Talk about your eighbor, well, this happens almost everywhere, we have people like these who look for a candy male ass, specially on tender age, and knows how to keep them quite. These predators are everywhere, sometimes they are known, mostly they are not known even to their family. These twink lovers can sense who is a probable target and what to do to keep them quite. What was your bait I dont know, but staying in a life like this for 8 years, you planned to move. That gives a clear idea, you were never against this. 

I dont hate these predators, nor I have any sympathy for these young boys Something happens in our lif, often we cannot control that. These are one of those situatons. What you didd, thats what you did, Leave upto there and lets look at now. You are having a sex life with a girl, making a U turn from homosexual to heterosexual. But now you are missing that feeling. Thats what it counts. 

Sexuality can be hetero, homo or bisexual. there are more, not important here. The point is, when you are physically, psychologically and sexually attracted to same sex people or opposite sex, that  determines your sexuality. If you have both, you are a bisexual. You have to accept that. If you think homosexuality is bad and you should get married to a girl and supress your physical need, you are going to deprive a woman from her right. Dont force yourself, you tested both the sides, and possiblly you liked both, be proud to be a bi-sexual and enjoy best of both world. 

That's all I had to say, identify yourself, have more sex with male and female to be sure if you are bisexual or want to stay as homosexual. If you start missing a girl, it sure is a case of bisexuality. Have fun in life, never blame others, only thing you can do is, dont be a predator and find twinks. 

answered May 9, 2013 by oye (25,670 points)
1 like 0 dislike
Dear Sunny,

Click the link below to hear my answer

Luv,
Anjali
answered May 9, 2013 by Anjali (7,465 points)
commented May 10, 2013 by ravi rao (150 points)
Anjali ji,I have a suggestion,Why dont you add a new policy asking members to not post any anti homosexual or anti transgender answers or comments.As more and more people and countries in the world are accepting it as a alternate sexuality and gender exhibited in some people.Even leading medical organizations have removed them from the list of diseases.So I hope your's site being a sex education site to promote a positive and rational approach to homosexuality and transgender issues.My intention is not to suppress other's right to express themselves but as there are rules here restricting the answers supporting child sex,bestiality,incest,rape etc, so why not homophobic and transphobic statements.
satya
commented Jun 1, 2013 by sunny.singh (140 points)
HI..I dont know whether to take the answer in positive or negative sense.But let me clear your questions:-
1) U asked whether i liked getting fucked by my neighbor.The answer is Yes. initially it felt strange but later i started liking the act too.i started getting desperate to get fucked.
2) You talked about controlling my feelings.i would like to tell you that initially i thought of finding some of my friend and making love to him.but soon a fear ran down my mind if that thing leaked to my friend circle.I started paying attention to girls and then my girlfriend came in my life and most of my attention started focusing on her.there was an inferiority complex in me that whether i would be able to do it properly with her or not  so i read and practiced dick massage and start stop exercise and my sex life started fine with her.
I just wanted a suggestion as a friend and in no means i am wasting time of the users.
Thanx..

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