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How to stop my Jija's advances?

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asked May 21, 2013 in Questions by smita10025 (120 points)
edited May 22, 2013 by oye
Hi Anjali Aunty,

I am Smita , 21 years college girl. I have a boyfriend (22 years of age), we didn’t have physical yet, planned to do it after our marriage.  I have a married sister, married 10 years back.

The problem is with my jijaji. When I was at age 15 , I remember, jijaji intentionally touched me, since I was in puberty I liked that touch at that time.  After that around my 18 years of age, he used to press my breasts, which I didn’t like, I told him many times that don’t do this then, I am grown up now but he hasnot stopped that.

I can't tell all this to my parents or sister, because it may ruin my sisters married life. Last month, jijaji came in my room and press my brasts and then asked me to allow her to touch my lower secret part, I replied NO, I can't allow , I don’t like it, then he went out.

Now please help me what should I do? I can't tell parents or sister, can I tell my boyfriend regarding this? But having fear that it may leads to break up with my boyfriend. What should I do? I don’t want my pussy to be touched by jijaji.

Please advice.
commented May 23, 2013 by cupbds (125 points)
moved May 23, 2013 by Invincible
U r going to marry soon. So dont make any such step. If you do so, please take care with yourself (use of condom, pill etc.). Be advised from any Doctor. Dont worry. Be brave and take your step before you mistake.



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10 Answers

1 like 0 dislike
Dear smita,

From past 5-6 years your jija is pressing your breast and you are not asking him to stop is he doing it every time forcefully or you like the act.you have a boyfriend also.

If you want to stop your jija ask directly that you dont like all this act done by him if he repeat it again you will tell to parents or sister.
Try not to be alone with him when he come to you house make sure some one is always near you so that he may not get any chance of doing this!
answered May 22, 2013 by neeraj123 (1,555 points)
edited May 22, 2013 by prashant69
4 like 0 dislike
Dear smita
You have been in bad situation but still you can make it straight. Just have some courage to speak. He has been doing this from long time thats why he has been enough bold to touch your boobs and to ask you about touching your pussy.

Have you ever talked about this to any one. If no, then you have committed a mistake. WHY YOU KEEP MUM??? Your silence and lack of courage has inspired him to go beyond. Why did not you stand up against the evil when you are uncomfortable with it?? There is a possibility that he is doing the same with some other girls... they are falling pray because your silence inspired him.

And why the hell you are caring for marriage of your sister with such a pervert???? Are you going to feel proud watching your sister with a man who goes out and fondles breast of young girls.
Tomorrow he will have a daughter and he will do the same with her....are you gonna feel okay with that?? Or you gonna still feel proud about not ruining your sister's marriage. You should have spoken up about this with a loudspeaker. May he will gather more courage tomorrow and rape you in your home...then are you still going to care about not ruining your sister's marriage??? What type of marriage is that which you want to go on????

It not your fault what happen when you were 15. But now you are saying that you cant tell your parents about this....THIS IS YOUR FAULT.
I am not blaming you dear....
But this has been the tradition in our Country for girls to always keep mum...what ever happens...keep mum. Your dad touches you...keep mum.....your in laws harass you.....keep mum.....your husband beats you for dowry.....keep mum. What the hell..???? Its you, its me, the YOUTH should stand up against it and outcast such things...

Now if he comes again, tell this to your mother, father, any one you are closed with. Threaten him with police complaint. There are strong laws who can take care of you.
But dont keep mum...Open up....Speak up....
Best of Luck
answered May 22, 2013 by chinmay and chinmay (470 points)
edited May 22, 2013 by prashant69
1 like 0 dislike

Dear Smita,

Answer given by chinmay is very correct and to the point ! I feel it might have been correct on your part to think of this not  telling to anyone considering marriage of your sister ! But why you can't tell this to your perents ? it is strange ! If you tell them what you have been going long since then certainly they will counsel with him and will tell him to keep  away from you and you could have a sight of relief! But if you keep mum then he will try to touch your vagina forcefully as he had touched your breasts then being at the age you are a slight arousal of your body could make your body taking over your brain and though forceful he could succeed to have an intercource with you! Ask  yourself do you want it to let this happen with you?So please be brave enough and tell your dislike to this pervert and also tell your perents at the earliest ! Please take care of yourself baby! You might have been saving lives of many innocent girls  like you by raising the voice against this wrongdoing! 

answered May 22, 2013 by prashant69 (6,920 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Dear smita,
relation of jija and sali is often taken in wrong means. Often it is said, sali aadhi gharwali.
But female is now independent and can care herself. You should tell your mother as well as your sister regarding it. Do not give him space for advancement. Soon he will realize his fault as your mother and sister will keep eye on him.
If it doesn't solve the problem, tell your brother and father. They have many solutions for problems like that.
because I feel SHARE SHARE AND SHARE such a problem is only solution. Make sure you have hadn't given any positive indication to your jija.
Hope everything will be soon ok as this isn't a rarest phenomenon taking place in your life. Put some strong steps. A peaceful resolution is very easy.
answered May 22, 2013 by basicinstinct (2,290 points)
0 like 0 dislike

He is sexually molesting you and here you’re worried about your sister’s life? Going by what you said, I wouldn’t be surprised to know you were raped by that moron after some time. It is your life that is on the line here. You needn’t rush to the police to lodge a complaint which btw is the right thing to do under the circumstances but at least share these with your mother as well as your sister.

Tell them when it started and how he had been going on in spite of you resisting at all times. Tell them now a days he is going even more down and forcing you to cooperate with him.

Unless you wish to end up being raped and then sexually abused continuously without anyone’s knowledge and then getting married and then your husband disowning you for hiding this fact, I suggest you open yourself up and complaint of this indecent behaviour of your sister’s husband to your parents, you mom perhaps.

I really feel surprised to find these bizarre incidents happen and yet people remain calm about them when their own ass is on the line. Technically speaking he should serve his time in the prison, so think about your life and then decide.

answered May 22, 2013 by Invincible (12,550 points)
0 like 0 dislike

I dont know where you live, in city or village, but these days girls are no longer that dumb to keep being molesting.

Molesting might sound like a harsh word, but I have no better word, because a guy doing the same for last 6 years and you are keeping your mouth shut. Dont tell me you are still enjoying this act. Its time to stand up and slap the guy accross the face. What worse can happen, your brother in law leave your sister? Is not it better to have a pervert like this to be out of family?

You are not protesting, and that is your weak point.  Keeping quite doesnot mean you are accepting, unless you speak up, this guy wont understand. He still consider you a 15 year old scared rabbit, else would not dare to ask to open your clothes. It will happen again and again and again untill the damage is done. 

You have to protest first, try to get some proof on mobile camera, and then tell him to fuck his ownself. Donot go for any drastic decision, often a emotional decision forces people t5o do mistake, like informing your boyfriend or call Police. Try to solve on your own, take your sister in confidence, share your proof with her.  You have to give your sister a shock treatment that she is so incapable in bed that her husband is bothering you, that will work.

This is 21st century, girls are no longer helpless. But no decision should be taken like a scared rabbit or by reacting violently. Girls of this era can save themselves, prove that.

answered May 22, 2013 by oye (25,670 points)
0 like 0 dislike

well i feel for women who have to face sexuall harrasment and the perils of male dominated society , but it is also really makes me angry when women sometimes dont speak up , i mean how else can you fight such henious acts.

if it was that your jija was just eying you or made some snide remarks and you just let it go i would understand , but touching your breasts and forcing you  thats punishible by law , do you want this person married to your sister , maybe he has done this with someone else , guys like these count on women to stay quiet and let them take advantage of them , so you need to tell your sister and also the police , i dont know how your family with deal with , but if you keep quiet that will only encourage him and thus he will try to force you , so it might get to that so tell somebody.

answered May 22, 2013 by parik89 (2,190 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Dear Smita,

Click the link below to hear my answer

Luv,
Anjali
answered May 23, 2013 by Anjali (7,465 points)
0 like 0 dislike
Well this comes under harrasment dont fear yourself
I feel very bad when such cases happen
I think you should have to tell your parents and especially your mother
On the other the relationship between jija and saali is very friendly and funny
You should immediately tell your mother otherwise your horny jija will take your advantage and to avoid this try to avoid him (jija)
Be brave and bold
 Just reveal your internal rage
So be bold and brave
Best of luck
answered May 23, 2013 by Rajashah (290 points)
edited May 23, 2013 by prashant69
commented May 23, 2013 by prashant69 (6,920 points)

raja,please do not use names of any god or godesses as it is against the guidelines of AA though thay might have been used in good spirit ! please try to avoid using them in future! 

commented May 23, 2013 by Rajashah (290 points)
I m really sorry sir i will not do this for next time i just want to help people i will make sure that i will not do this
0 like 0 dislike
Dear,
I know you must love your elder sister a lot and you dont want to ruin their marriage. It is good that to watch her back but in the process you are harming yourself very badly. Dont tolerate this at all. No matter what the consequences are. Guys like that needs to be unmasked. He is just not ruining your life but your sister as well. Can be sure that he is not doing this to someone else or he he is not cheating on your sister. Approach your sister first ,if that does not work out tell it to your parents. And damn you have a boyfriend!!! What do you think?? How will he react if he comes to know that someone is using you like this. Please muster some courage and confront the situation. Dont be WEAK.
answered May 23, 2013 by assassin47 (270 points)

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